Sunday, April 24, 2011

Pride Comes Before a Fall, not Autumn or Summer :-)

Assalamualaikum kids? How’s life? Well, like I always said, its really nice seeing u guys again, yeah, like I always said too, Im just busy, and as much as I enjoy writing, and again, hitting the board as I search my mind for any glimpse of remorse and guilt, or perhaps if im lucky enuff there’s joy to share but surely most of the time is pain, suffer, and killing (ganas eh?), there are just not enuf time, oh im just too damn lazy to hit it, ahha, please don’t be lazy okay, I dunt want u to inherit any of my negative traits.

There are times I think too much about the future, but, when it comes to ur future, I don’t think there’s no question as too much. I am the kind of guy who’d like to plan ahead, making plans with whom im gonna get married, where im gonna live, how much salary can I bring back home every month, planning to further my education, or where im gonna work at, but  I often ask myself; where the heck im gonna be in the next 5-10 years from now. Am I still gonna become an engineer, or God had a better plans for me? Will I get my master’s degree? Or just continue the way I am..will I gain more experience or lie, being permanent member of the NEET? And as much im thinking too much, the future is indeed coming near, those five, 10 years feels like around the corner, and suddenly I never made any decisions at all, thus, the only thing I cud see, that I cud differentiate is my performance, my skills, my knowledge, how I bring myself in society and compare them with my fellow friends. And believe me, as u grow up, u developed this few people around u that u wish u cud be friends, but somehow u ended up challenging them, and their presence is a gud form of stress, a positivity in negativity, a kind of force that encourages and motivates you to go on, and not giving up, but somehow u cant be friends with them and ask them to join for lepak or going to the surau together, or borrow money or seek his attention whenever problem arises becos u  have pride and asking them will only not lower ur self esteem but shattering ur pride as well; only if u have this feelings whenever u meet that person, guys, its time u work ur ass out because, ur rival, ur challenger had just arrived :-)

But ironically, there’s a saying my teacher had once said which is ‘pride comes before a fall’ which si true to certain extent, or maybe on certain type of pride. Haha, whu wudve tot that pride also had its own specifications and classifications. This was one of the sayings that I often think about, the contradiction to the infamous stereotypical perspective the society had always instilled in me made me think that life, like I had always said, apart from the religious aspects, the degree of correction is different between people and it vary according to the situation, thus its crucial for us to be balanced, and flexible as we proceed with our drastic life :-)

The Few Things I Saidzzz :-)

Assalamualaikum kids, hows life? Fine? Well, I hope u will always in the pink of health. Me? I was never quite the healthy kid I wished I was, there are always few days in those everlasting month that I had to go to the overly crowded, overly stuffed patients, overly duty and over-extending employees, over-stressed doctors, overly outdated general hospital kuala lumpur

Kids, I wonder why in this night, I make my way thru the overly crowded, overly stuffed, overly congested room just to type the few things I wish to ramble, and thus hoping by doing so, my mind would get back, standing of its two hypothetical, unseen, energized feet yet as much as I want to achieve the hard-to-achievable things by doing unexpectedly normal thing without putting any extra effort that cud spark sum overly (okay, dis is the last ‘overly’ I promised!) motivation, not surprisingly if I said that this time, just like the nature had overtaken me in long lecture class, the nature had almost had an astonishing win on me, on my dizzying eyes to be exact.
I cant keep up with dizz unwanted feelizzzng but I wiz try hardezzzz, I will noz sleeeeppppzzzzz….z i wizzz alwayzzz zove zou zikze awayzzz hazzz…krrohhh….. (I will always love you like I always had)   

Backstreets Back, Alright!!!

Assalamualaikum kids? How’s life? I am not doing so well now, yeah, I felt really down recently, I don’t even know why, maybe it’s the unemployment I guess. U know, its really important to maintain the mood, its really good for ur soul, u guys shud always watch out whenever u felt stress, or overwhelmed about anything that matters, no matter how trivial the matter is, it aint sum small matter if it bothers u too much, haha.

I don’t know why recently I kept listening to evergreen love songs, the boyband songs, (yeah, ur dad listens to boyband, at this time phrase of life im not sure what ur mum really like tho, but im sure whatever her taste of music is, id be very delighted to criticize and be part of it too :-) ).
Hmm, u know why its important to keep ur mood constant all the time, I mean not alwaya being static, but rather being more consistent in how u portray ur feelings, ur body language and ur facial expression speaks the most than ur verbal communication no matter how good u are in ur mothertonge language or any other lingua franca.  U kept saying ‘its okay’, ‘im fine’, ‘daijoubu’ (‘im fine’ in Japanese) or other hypocritically forgiven phrases that u said to pass by, to go thru dat unwanted situation. People knows, they are not stupid, we are not stupid too, and the first act of intelligence whenever u’re having this kind of situation, whenever u feel the world is putting the burden on ur tiny scapula, shoulder bones, and suddenly ur joints starts to wear out, and age, or any other unexpected, predictable, unknown factors that comes into play, remember first to savour the pain, yeah savour it! Admit that ure having this pain, and feel every burden, every force that is now distributed accordingly and further enhanced by the gravitational force on every inch of your frangible bones, and let every ounce of ur energy is channeled for the right purpose; which is to sustain this soon to be unbearable weight if u keep holding on to it.

Lets back to physics, okay guys? If u were to be  burdened with heavy weight and ad to carry it on both of your shoulders, what would you do? What would you do when the burden had eaten up every ounce of energy you had? Well, after you realize this, it’s time to find methods to resolve it. Well, this hypothetical burden could be vanish in lots of…well, hypothetical solutions. U just have to be creative and maybe if u can, put aside ur egos or ur pride that blocks u from proceeding.  In order to solve it, we could share the burden together with our beloved, our family and friends too, they are part of your crew, so don’t hesitate to ask. All you need to do is open your mouth and speak up, u’ll be amazed at how willing they can be. 
I will always love you like I always had :-)

Hmm, A Dead End Perhaps? NOT!

Assalamualaikum Hanafiah….hmm..i know things don’t seem to be working out, and the following week seems to be hectic for most of us, and not to mention that I am crawling in the darkness of night, and as much I wanted to have the eyes of a nocturnal animal wud have, not to mention that my eyesight is deteriorating rapidly throughout these years, I am now trying to find a way, looking for every, small fracture of light glimpse in this emblazoning darkness, haha, okay it may seem exaggerating, but u surely cant help it when most of your friends are moving forward, making achievements, and while I am still crawling, sum of my friends had already started running. Next week, I got an interview for this company, well, for a position I don’t really quite wanted, but the people around me, are pressing me to, and it made me reconsider; what do I have to lose? I’ll gain experience, and if im succeed I will gather all myself together and started working on my hidden, selfish yet self-satisfying agenda. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

There are often things that made me wonder sumtimes; why do I write my own blog? Why do I make effort to jot all these unwanted ideas and who will read it? Only girls write blog about their personal life; and I am here doing this feminist, un-masculine thingy, well…I got admit tho, but for some reasons, apart from all the things Ive mentioned earlier, I just feel like the need to open up to sumbody, or nobody, or just find a medium to write, to remind not anyone else but myself in the future the thoughts, valuable experiences that I ought to forget at times.

And, writing is just the best way of expressing my …. Just a sign that im currently weak right now, and mystically, again, for sum unknown reasons,  I tend to get the ball rolling back whenever I jot things down here. I believe good things will come. I just need to be a little bit more patient and pray for the good things to come. I…I believe I can be a very successful person and I believe I can, you guys can, all my friends can help people, and contribute to society in future, insyaAllah, like Ive always had wished. 

Berapa Kali Nak Ulang Ni? :-)

Assalamualaikum kids? How’s life? Hmm… Im not feeling good lately. You know, in two weeks time, I will finish my short industrial skill enhancement program. And after that, I will go for sum attachment in sum company that I cant confirm yet. It’s kinda saddening thinking that ive been rejected for more than ten times already, even more excruciating whenever I thought I had undergo the interview session properly the result didn’t turn out the exactly I wanted.

I’m writing here, im jotting every pain, and the sad moments im going thru here not for the sake of other people’s enjoyment, but like many times I’d say, and many times to come, I do this so that first; whenever I managed to came thru this unwanted, challengeable obstacle, I will read this back and realize how grateful, and blessed I shud be, second; to give you guys the education, so that perhaps my experience will be a great teacher in determining your life path if im no longer around, third; because one day, you guys will read this, and if somehow our relationship turns into one hella of bad apple, if we could never longer stay close to each other, you will know how much I love you guys. Today, I’ve found something I wanna hold dearly, and I…will not give up (in lotsa things), I wish. Ayah sayang korang, like I’ve always had

Boyfriend/Girlfriend Comes, BF/GF Goes, but Best Friend Stays Forever

Assalamualaikum Hanafiah, how's life? Its hard eh to keep it cool, kan? its much harder to practice what you preach to people, ya la, we dont want people to label us as a hypocrite at the end of the day, kan? Well, whatever negative perspective people had on you, or you had onto people, lets just hope all these will be settled; my best advice: focus on your priorities first, and Im sure you'll achieve the other things as the process go on. Like people often said 'kadang-kala, benda yang paling kita inginkan, itulah yang kita tidak akan dapat' well, i hope the best for you my friend, insyaAllah

Assalamualaikum kids? How's life? haha, well. its not much of a good news pun, i am still unemployed, and i havent found your mom yet, maybe ive met her, but who knows cause the future is unpredictable, and unexpected.

This year was the hardest, harshest year ive ever had, lots of things, good, but mostly bad events took place, and looking back at all these dramas i went thru, haha, i guess its a no wonder i have things for dramas, regardless its family or frenship, let alone the drama im facing myself, the contradiction in my beliefs and principles, thus making me realize that practice what you preach requires huge self commitment and thunderous effort.

Recently, well, not recently, becos i posted this thing late, on 2 October this year, I had the chance, had an invitation to a dinner, it wasnt UniKL's or MIAT's but by my friend's, aunty wanie's faculty. Shortly speaking, and as much I wanted to comment any further, i prefer not to, lets just say that i've undergo one of the most educated experiences I ever had, and I thanked God for having me to go through such difficult, enjoying situation with the accompany of great friends, I cant be more thankful than this. God, I thanked You, for everything Ive gone through, and I realize all the things happened is solely on my fault,and only to myself i could put all the blame onto, and thank God for being able to meet such wonderful friends, i cant ask more; only that even there's this saying that "boyfriend/girlfriend comes and go, best friends stay forever" i wish not to lose any more of my best friends.

Thanks, thanks, thanks,even you may be gone but i will keep on supporting you, and pray for your well being, friend, like I always had