Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Dalam Setiap Helai Nafas Mu

Sheila On 7-Tunjukkan Padaku

Tenangkan resahku saat langkahku terasa berat
Teduhkan jiwaku saat matahari bersinar terlalu pijar
Kerana dirimu satu-satu yang kuandalkan
Saat diriku tak mampu berdiri di sini sendiri

Ceritakan Sayang
Hari-hari yang telah kau lalui
Katakanlah Sayang
Semua hal yang kau benci dari diriku

Cobalah, cobalah
Untuk mengerti keadaan ini
Aku rapuh saat kau tinggalkan

Tunjukkan padaku
Kau selalu mencintaiku
Jadilah pelindung bagi sayapku
Aku berjanji, aku berjanji
Selalu menemani langkah mu
Dalam setiap helai nafas mu

Bangunkan tidurku
Bila kau terjaga lebih dulu
Dan bertegaslah sayang kita isi makna
Indahnya hari ini  

Tunjukkan padaku
Kau selalu mencintaiku
Jadilah pelindung bagi sayapku

Aku berjanji, aku berjanji
Selalu menemani langkah mu
Dalam setiap helai nafas mu

Recent Life...After the Tide had Diminshed

Em...salam, haha, so how's life eh my friend? yeah, again it sucks eh to to see her go, but dats just life, and the pain you're feeling rite now shows that u're just human, and how wonderful God is to create such thing as hard, tough yet fragile like the human heart.

Yesterday, I had started to move on, they used to say the first cut is the deepest, yet, i felt this one stronger, I felt more pain from this one, hopefully it'll recover soon enough. So, yesterday, En Andek was teaching sumthing about the usage of vernier caliper and stuff. Usually we had to copy all the notes but due to insufficiency of projectors (teruk btul miat ni kan? duit bnyk projektor takde lak) we got the copy of the notes, since he had to print out, the class started late.

After it was like...3.30 p.m. he came in and started teaching. I was still texting her and she also complained the same, her lecturer was late and he CANCELLED the class, haha, I felt sorry for her tho, and amused, ironic too, due to the fact I felt she's so close to me yet, she's so far away beyond my reach. And I realized I felt too many things that time.

I was staring into space, En. Andek's face to be exact. I stared him for quite some time, my mind was blank, I didnt hear nor understand any word he's saying. Ionly saw his face, but my mind was somewhere else, about something else.

Suddenly he said "Hanafiah? Hanafiah? Kamu okay ke? Kamu pandang saya ni macam nak terkam saya ni, kamu okay ke?"

"Tak...tak ada apa2. Saya okay" I wished.

"Ke kamu ada nk mandrum saya ni?" he joked. I only smiled and assure him that i'm fine.

After the laughter had ease down, the class went on like usual. I wished my life could went on like usual too. Later that evening, I went for a jog at the stadium, even though it was fasting, I didnt seem to be tired, and maybe feeling excited from the music, I pushed myself again, or maybe I just need to concentrate on something else rite now. After that, I stopped by the hill and take some shots, the scenary that I had always loved so much.
Wow, it really sucks eh? No, not the laughter, it sucks to remember someone who will never be yours. I remembered in one of her messages how she wished that I and his boyfriend will become pals, I only replied that we could, tho I'm not certain with that possibility. I also said that when I have a wife, we'll come to her house and have a chit chat with his husband, She replied that I see in the future too far,'s true enough, and when the future doesnt turn out like what you're expecting, then I could only pray for the best.

That night, ater back from Terawih, I continued texting her again, yeah, texting her is like a taking drugs, i need to, i have to, i'm addicted to it, but it's painful and I cant bear the consequences. The urge, the contradiction in me is eating me up. So I ran again that night, the morning of 26 August 2009 to be exact.

It was half an hour past midnite, and I tied up my shoe lace, put on the white, fake Adidas windbreaker that I brought from Danau Kota, I've been using it for quite some time now, and tho as much as I enjoy wearing it, i realize it attracts people too, which is good for it's for safety whenever I jog at night, i need for people, drivers to notice that I'm there. The only bad thing I fel was that whenever I ran wearing this thing, I always ran with a hole in my chest, and my heart's cold, not from the night, but from the fact that I had to leave a part of my body behind.

I continued running down the hill, it was dark, only the glimpse of neon lights that accompanied me. Whenever I came across some dark, unlit route, I always thought, "Wow, this is life, sometime we're gloomed by the darkness, but sometimes we'll reach the light, the bright part of the route, but somehow if we're in the dark, we need to make effort, we need to move, so that we're free from the darkness," or something like dat.

I ran almost until Pusat Futsal Meracipta, i stopped running when I came across the big road, I stopped exactly across Shell. I jog a little bit then and due to stomachache I walked until home, if not, is not like I can run that far either, haha.

I was very tired when I reached house, and most of my friends are already asleep, I reached around 2 a.m. I did some things and went to sleep. That morning, after sahur, after Subuh, I hang my wet clothes and sleep until almost 2 o'clock in the evening, haha, not a moment to be proud of, I admit.

Then, that evening, in Aircraft Structure Repair, En. Abu Zaid did a shocking quiz, the questions was subjective but direct and easy, but since I didnt prepare, I barely able to finish it. That evening, tho I kinda felt reluctant to break fast at kedai Arab,but since everybody's going, so I decided to go. It's a gud thing tho, I can take this chance to cool my head off...or at least that's what I thought.

Along the way to the restaurant, Saba' Restaurant that is, I can't seem to bring myself to forget her. I tried to look at the scenery, but she's always on my mind., it sucked alot. But then I came to a conclusion, no, not to fight and bring her back, not that kinda things, but I decided to pray. Pray to God, that He will open up my heart, give me chance to love someone else, and I hope to only see her no more than as a friend, maybe as a sister, that is.
It was almost Maghrib, me, Haziq, Taufiq, and Farid almost reached that restaurant. There are lotsa people, it seem like a popular place, maybe of these days I'll bring mom here; I thought. We had a seat and waited for other members to come. Acong and Abusam didnt come, I dont know why.

The food was nice, it was delicious tho. I had a watermelon juice, and altogether sum up about RM15. Well, it was kinda worth it, I didnt had the money to pay, haha, so I borrowed from Farid. Thanks.

From the left is Naqib Ali, Azuan Shah and Muiz Che Azmi, they're all good, and respectable person :-)
After we ate, we went for Maghrib at nearby Petronas, and went to Alamanda. Going to Alamanda was one of the bad decision we've ever made. It's not like we did anything other than eating chocotop. The're no movies to watch, so we decided to go back home, and hit the bed.

Wow, it's been quite sometime already eh Hanafiah? I often thought that if I could turn time back, at least maybe for a month, I could change all this painful facts, I can turn the sorrow and grief into happiness and joy, I can at least feel something rather than shivering cold and emptiness.

But like my father, like I had always been, it's already too late. Well, Tuhan itu Maha Kaya, He is Merciful and this is one of His ways testing my faith, not like I've any rights questioning His decisions, I know that all this happened for a reason, and may I'll matured from this experiences and become a better servant, a better human, like I've always had prayed.