Tuesday, September 22, 2009

On the Verge of Friendship and Love

Sometimes there will be times when you're on the verge of something important, something so deep, and complicated, hard-to-define, not easy-to-digest matter, for example, to choose between friendship and your love life. Well, not that my love life would’ve won either, it had always not been, hopefully not always will.

So, if somehow u're stuck in this dilemma, and trying to figure your way out, its best to ask yourself, not your heart, but your wonderful, God-given, most complex and unique, identical to urself and urself only, which is your brain, subhanallah.

Sometimes again when you really love...no, let’s use somethin' less tragic than ‘love’, how about ‘like’? Yeah, when you really like someone, there are lotsa indications, and signs that showed, but only fools would deny it, and ironically, this stupidity came from the author himself, maybe he wrote this as some sort of diary or a reminder of his foolish ignorance.

Maybe the reason he had been a fool is because he didn’t realize his true feelings, maybe he had been denying it because he didn’t expect such feelings to occur, or perhaps previous experiences was painful, that made him tried to be more careful and to actually go straight for someone he really like wasn’t seem like the wisest idea. He was a fool because he choose to be clever, to wait-and-see, until one day, with lightning speed someone grabbed the precious gem away, right in front of him, and a smack right on his face; and now regretting seems pointless for if this is a some sort of detention, resistance is futile. But then, to fall in love, to like someone, is not about being wise, it’s not to hide any tricks up your sleeves or putting your best trump card forward, tho the outside nature of love or such feeling tend to be game-like, but the deep, pure core essence of heart is not, it is love, and full of wonderful feelings and excitement; and feelings aren’t meant to be played, aren’t meant to be toyed, aren’t meant to be suppressed or cast aside.

So, when you're stuck between friendship and love, first thing I think anyone should do is to clear their mind, spit their hidden feelings out, let the respective person know about it, for letting them know such matter is not an embarrassing situation, it may be awkward, but not as awkward as trying to get into some serious relationship out of thin air. When the bond of friendship is held tight, there’s always a possibility for a mutual feelings to occur. But still, life is not easy, it never will, so be prepared for the worst. Thus, when you confessed, there's always the friendship to back you up, to support you. And this is what makes it more interesting, secure yet it could be the hardest to forget. Meaning, you may be digging your own grave, and with a slight chance you'll rise and shine again. And believe me my friend, you’ll never again be the same person you are before.

So, if the time has come for you to confess, for your big break, for your mind is already set, only then you could let your co-pilot a.k.a. your heart to take over. Take actions, make effort, and say it, say the words with all your heart, let your bottled up feelings, unknown source of stress, the sudden undiagnosable, uncertain pace of your breathing out, and put your sleepless night to an end, for it is a good thing and accept the answer with all the might your heart can take. With dat my friend, with that, I hope that happiness will always smile on your side ;-)

Again, like most of my previous post, or any of my stupid actions in life, I don’t know why I did it, what made me to instigate such idiocy, yet as dumb as it may be, I didn’t regret it either. Like this piece of my mind I’m writing.

The few things that makes a man that recover from a heartbreak with his best friend much better than other normal crush is…Seriously, I don’t really think I’m qualified enough to write this matter, for I’m still trying my best to recover. But, I’ll try to write some insights of what I felt, theoretically dat is.

Okay, continue. Though this kind of situation is much more complicated and hard to overcome with when you compared to other heartbreak, there are lotsa positive aspects, a motivational and inspiring one, with God’s grace you’ll become a better person.

First, she is your best friend, the person u’d tell all your secrets to, and somehow along the way, you tend to want to know more, know how she felt, what she went thru today, her views on certain problems, your problems mostly, and once you been quite get used to it, stopping seems the hardest thing to do. Me? I’m still rehabilitating. But to know that you are fully okay from this first aspect doesn’t mean that you’ll stop contacting her, it’s enough that you’re able to draw some limit, some distance. And when you achieve that, you’ll know that you’re ready, ready to embark a new ocean of relationship with new crew of attitude, and with a new ship of confidence. Hopefully your guilty thoughts for her will lost like the pearl at the bottom of the ocean, lost in time, untraceable, only a piece of memory as a reminder.

Second, she is your best friend, again. Yeah, dis shows that to like your best friend is a good thing. One of the few taglines I often watch from movies was ‘I’d rather have you as a friend than not having you in my life at all’. You see, the truth is, whenever the bond of friendship had grow on stronger each day, you’ll see how trivial dis matter is, and dats why such feelings cant be suppressed, yeah, rejection hurts, it sucks a lot, but still, like I said, it made you stronger, and if the bond is strong, if the foundation was well built on the ground of pure friendship, love and respect, you will realize that the blade of sadness and hammer of sorrow are not sharp enough even to cut the smallest part, not even producing the slightest damage to you, and your integrity only become better. And, can’t u see that to be able to keep in touch after such awkward, embarrassing situation is already a blessing in disguise? Well, be thankful for she’s still there, maybe not all of it, but she’s still there, to guide and support you, as a friend. Yeah, it may be a huge letdown but this is life, not everything we plan in life will turn out to be the way we wanted, but then again, fate had always a better plan, and just bear dis in mind whenever you came across similar situations; that every cloud do has its silver lining.

And hopefully with dis things in mind, I hope u’ll succeed my friend, yes you, the reader who choose to spend some of your quality time when you could read other better knowledgeable material but instead you choose reading dis piece of crap, this piece of my mind, this huuuge piece of my heart, and for that, I thank you, and I pray that with God’s grace your love life, no, all aspects of your living quality will be a success, a tremendous one, hopefully, like I had always pray :-)

The Emptiest Raya I Ever Had

Assalamualaikum? Hai, Hanafiah, how’s life? How’s raya? I guess dis raya is not much worth of a celebrating eh? With all the problems around you, it made dis year’s raya kinda short, empty and meaningless, but maybe the mmost memorable by far.

Okay, like usual, few days before raya, I was tossing back and forth on the bed, being restless thinking about whatever I was thinking, about my problem, anyone’s problems, and my brother’s problem. All these stuffs get into my head, unstoppable, uncontrollable like the water flowing in the river. But neither nevertheless, all dis problems aren’t something that I can deal with, nor it’s my problem to deal with, nor that I’ve any way to solve it or perhaps it’s unsolvable only time could tell when.

So, I decided to make myself busy, with all the trivial stuff I can find, and the first thing dat I saw as I went down the stairs, the wall on the right side. This wall is full of high esthetical value graffiti, created by the most artistic graffiti painter anyone could find in the history of graffiti that is Danial Iman and his other dark sidekick, Amirul Iman, who are both my nephews.

I decided to paint the wall, and when I went outside, I saw dat old, rusty, small gate, with broken plastic letter box. I think its time to change, maybe I cant change it completely, but at least I can paint it, at least that will keep it going through during this festive season, or these hard times. I think I can do it, it’s easy I tot. Yeah it was, a little bit. After buying all the required tools, I started painting with the wall first. What made the process harder was not the procedures itself but the hardships that came from the cranky masterpiece creator, my both beloved nieces, maybe this was just some sort of test, a fasting test dat is. Iman was sulking when I scold him to take his bath and the true masterpiece creator, who is just about to rise, Fatihah Iman, the true hidden mastermind of the graffiti creation, also decided to take actions into her own small hands, haha.

Well, I finished with painting the wall, but still my mind, my heart wasn’t finished, it wasn’t completed. I don’t know what are the relevance or relation between painting the wall, the gate, and what I felt dis raya. Dis mixed up feelings; maybe it’s just that I need to ‘repaint’ my feelings back? But for now I just know I need work, I need to become busy, like other previous moments, I need my mind occupied but not with trivial matters, but things that are noticeable, that will make people at least stop and say ‘hey, it has changed, it has improved’ like those sort of things. But then again I was staring, waiting for the phone to buzz, but it didn’t. It just didn’t. Maybe it was the same on the other side of the phone, other side of the line dat is, or maybe, I was clapping single-handedly.

The next day, I painted the gate with its original color, the darkest color anyone could find in one’s heart, black. Before painting, I scrape off the dirt or any rusty part that had chipped out and wipe it with a cloth to clean off the dust or any small unwanted particles that could disrupt the painting process. After fully finished painting the following day, I went to buy the new post box, dis time it’s aluminum, not plastic. I hanged it on the gate, tied it with a string, and painted the house number, ‘306’, on the red box.

Then I rushed and prepared myself to balik kampong. I was in a hurry, but its normal to forget sometimes even the most important, crucial things when you’re rushing. As I went thru the Sg Besi toll, few kilometers after dat I remembered I had forgot to bring my baju melayu along. Damn, adoi, astaga, how could I forget? Then I told mom, and we went back to Melawati by following the UPM Serdang exit.

Well, I just hope this is the end of all this misfortunes, like i had always wished ;-)

To Overcome One's Pathetic Love Life; The Curious Case of Hanafiah Al Adiyat

Okay, haha, what the heck eh with the title, lantak la eh kan Hanafiah. I guess the main reason I put up such title was because of my final year project, it sucks....not, alhamdulillah, we're a lil bit late behind schedule, but we'll keep up, insyaAllah.


Love is blind, or so they said. Unrequited ones are like a self destructing bomb, waiting to detonate, tho it didnt usually starts an explosion, sometimes it triggers something good, something positive, a beginning of an evolution, a mutation in DNA, way of thinking and the body of the person himself, and in Hanafiah's case it evolved to an unknown species.

Before we could proceed, lets review the subject, that is Hanafiah. He's a person, an unknown one, people around him would describe him as eccentric, weird, and he's usually the target of their aggressive jokes, tho he didnt really mind. He had a pathetic love life and this is how he overcome it.

Literature Review

Since we're all diferent person, we all have different interests. Some people had their own way of dealing with this kind of problem. Certain people they ate, not only for living, or vice versa which we should not, but they also ate to forget these bad memories, some people they cried or shouted their heart out. While shouting is also a method, it usually accompanied with loud tones of music, simply said, karaoke a portmanteau of the Japanese words kara and okesutora which could derive as 'empty orchestra'. Some people prefer to be more useful and extract the energy from the sadness doing exercises and stuff, which is very good, a positive way to deal with stress, like one wouldve said, like I wouldve said.  So, in Hanafiah's case, he took up karaoke, running, and his favourite past time, (sfx on : Hanafiah made the tackle, it's not fouled, he tapped the ball, he flicked it, made a one-two, tap it past the defenders, dribble past the keeper and he SCOOOORRRRRREEEEEDDDDD, GOOOOAAAALLLLL!!!!!) football..


In this mamat's case, Hanafiah had use THREE+ONE method. Okay, I'm done blabbering, next time I'll continue, if I ever ffel like doing so.