Saturday, February 20, 2010

Always Love, Hate Will Get You Everytime

Assalamualaikum Hanafiah, how’s life? Wow, I tot u got a message from her, well, unfortunately it wasn’t for u eh? Never mind, maybe she’s not the one. Keep on trying eh? ;-)

Looking back at all the things that I’ve jot down in the past few years, I realized dat most of the posts I published had always been about her, her and her only. I think this is enough, I’m starting to write new pages, and I cant keep going on distracted like dis, few times I almost got into accident when I spaced out and that’s just not good. Nasib baik I didnt ran over sumone else's cat dis time

Something bootylicous sweet dreaming eh? Haha, never wud I tot her as anything of that matter, but still, I guess she’s capable of being so, but then again, for me, the women that I’ve loved had always both the inner and outer looks, thus she is no exception. And for me, her beauty is beyond description of words.

However, she now literally hates me now, thus the comment did serve its purpose. We’ve came to a crossroad, and I’m taking a different direction, different route, may our paths never collide again. Thanks, for the few happy moments in life u’ve given me, I never had such feelings before, and I would like to thank you for lots of many other things that I cant seem to have time to jot it down here.
Thank you, and thank you, like I’ve always had ;-)

Now It's Getting Harder

Assalamualaikum Hanafiah, apa khabar? How’s practical? How’s study? Haha, hopefully it goes on well la kan. Whatever it is u’re going thru, just endure it eh, like Saidah said, just follow the flow. Like a river, or perhaps like the wind.

So, life is hard again, but I’m okay, I guess. I don’t know why I bother writing this, but I don’t even know why people would read it, but maybe the reason I can write anything I felt here is because I realize people wouldn’t even read it, thus it’s kinda comforting, haha. They used to say, the safest place is to hide from the enemy is in their den, or so they said.

Looking back at things, at what I’ve achieved in life I realized I didn’t go anywhere despite the how far I’ve traveled, it feels like running around in circles, moving and returning to the same spot everytime, tho I felt exhausted, I’m glad I made an effort, as silly as it seems, I know I’ve achieved sumthing, that may be trivial to others, but a big step towards much bigger success in my life.

Thus, whenever I run on this field, along this track, chasing the ball near the line, with sudden rush of adrenaline pumping, and hearing myself grasping for air, I’m glad, I made effort, and all these had made a very big difference to the hardness that occur in my life, a very big difference to you, a big difference like I've always had ;-)

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Waaaah, Takutnya!!

Have it ever occur to u to kill people? Of course there is, me too, I guess, but maybe in a less tragic way, but gotta make it more look like an accident, but yet always make people feel that the incident happened due to some foul play and it was some sort of dark, dirty conspiracy of the big guys, well which is totally ridiculous when such thing happened due to cat crossing the road, haha. No, this is just some sort of small talk, tkda kaitan dgn sesapa pun.

Metaphorically speaking, last night was a heavy rain, luckily there’re stars, and the moon is amazingly round, just like someone’s face, a lovely, round, cute face but people are always ignorantly unaware due to the thick clouds and heavy rain that came along. But still, whenever u’re lost in the dark night, with pitch black emblazoning ur life, it’s still very comforting and assuring to see the small lamp God had given us during those hard times. It’s just sometimes it had always been there for a thousand years that we often forget it may not be the same tomorrow and thus often we take it for granted. But what the heck, it’s a new day, and a new dawn have awaken, the same process will take the same place again, just make sure u’ll do ur best with the time God had given you, like He always had ;-)

Sentimental Thoughts Final, hopefully

Assalamualaikum Hanafiah? Em, penat eh? Esok bola ke? Haha, ko kena naik jd dmf dow, tk best la asyik main defense je kan? Cuba keras sket, main body, dan of course, lari lagi banyak, haha. Well, guess so. But still, first thing first, lets save this sheep, relationsheep, haha. Here goes…

Em, okay,how am I suppose to say this, em, girl, how’s life? How’s exam? Haha, well, I can only assume it’s over. First, let me apologize again if somehow u felt my previous posts are trying to humiliate you, it was of my slightest intention to make u feel that way, however, I’ve made few em…amendments to the regarding posts. So, don’t worry. And I never thought u as hypocrite, or never did I wrote it dat way, so what gives? You are NOT that kind of person, so rest assured.

Second, I ALWAYS WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND, dan it was NEVER my idea to break the bond between us, I just have my reasons for everything that I did, dan AKU SUKAKAN KO, so tolong la faham sket the complications I’m going thru rite now. By the way, Hafiz said I shud let things cool down a bit, so whu wudve tot one of the few hardest thing in life I had to do is resisting myself from u, so give urself a credit now, cause u’re IRRESISTABLE, haha. Dan sori if the way I acted seems to give u the idea that i wanna say gudbye or sumthing. Tk elok kan memutuskan silaturrahim?

Third, I’m the kind of people where I don’t mind strangers, or friends reading my personal love life, for I’m a newbie in such matter, and their perspectives, their ideas that they threw along when they know what I’m going thru really meant sumthing. Hafiz said I shud let things cool down a bit, Dayana said I shud be more relax dn cakap bnyk sket, Sufian kata kalau tknak tak boleh paksa, Zakaria kata kena dress up sket dan pegang mana2 yg patut (which I will never do kalau tk berlapik), Suhaila kata it’s all about tolerance, Mak Lang kata beli la baju bnyak sket dn jaga hati perasaan dia, Azuan kata jodoh boleh berubah kalau kita berusaha, Naqib questioned kenapa aku slalu datang lambat dan mak aku lak, well, lets just say she’s glad I’m not gay, haha. Girl, aside from friends and family, people whu spent their time reading this loooongggg piece of my mind are the people that I don’t mind telling them about my personal life. This blog, even it was public, but the content mostly focus on my feelings, thus if u bothered to read this, if u bothered to know my feelings, then I wouldn’t feel bothered to ask for your opinion, for your ideas, or perhaps share my personal love life. So, don’t worry, not everybody’s going to read this, it’s not facebook. It’s not fancy, but it’s just me.

Fourth, I’d like to apologize for everything bad memories that I had cause, I made you wait too long, and when I rush I sweat thus emanating unwanted odors, I forgot the fact u’re so happy with the car, I’m always keeping quiet, thus making u bored, but believe me, I can stare ur face all day long, I’m sorry that I didn’t greet ur parents properly, I was nervous and very cautions that I forget those little basic things, I will always be nervous whenever I’ like someone, It may take a looong time, haha, and I’m sorry again for being conservative and narrow minded, it’s just sometimes I forgot that u came from a large groups of friends, which is unlike me at all. I cant undo the damages, but only learn from the experience.

Fifth, sori la eh, gamba2 tu mungkin tak boleh blah bg ko, but still memberikan makna yang mendalam kepada aku. After all, a picture is worth a thousand words, and my feelings, are beyond description of words and visual. And for me, writing this blog is almost the same like writing ur own will, and if sumday I’m no longer breathing on the surface of this lovely earth, I just wanna make sure that my friends and my family know my story, my life, know that I once fell in love with you, my friend.

Thanks, bless you guys and girls, bless you miss, like He always had ;-)

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Sentimental Thoughts Third

Assalamualaikum Hanafiah, how’s life? Em, it’s kinda boring rite now, at night, with no internet, no tv, well, looks like I’ve gotta make use with all the time that I had to the greatest use possible. But this practical timing really helped me a lot, at least my mind is occupied thus it took off some unwanted sour memories, and I’m so damn busy rite now, no time to be sentimental. But still, despite the loudness of the ATR and Dash-7 or the APU, I still find myself empty, and hollow with this sudden rush of loneliness overflowing into every vein in my body, like blood only accompanied by some high decibels mixture of humming engine sound. Well, no wonder they said ‘someone STOLE my heart’ ;-)

How is she? How are u girl? How’s life? Are u feeling better today? What did u do today? How was ur day? Did anybody tried to hit on you? Haha, I guess such questions are obsolete rite now, and its kinda perplexing that I cud never ask such questions again, well, it looks like the theory of turning into strangers doesn’t only apply to u girl, but as much I want to resist such thing to occur, I’m affected as well, but lets hope it wont stay forever.

Girl, there’re so much things that I wanna say, directly, but it seems the chance is running slim, and here I am writing this piece of my mind, I don’t know how long will I recover from this incident, if I could see this coming, I would’ve tried even better, but then again, it’s already too late.

Well, I don’t know why, but I cant seem to distant myself from you, I cant even bother to hate you despite all the things that u said, yup, u’re rite, and I’m to blame totally, but still…I don’t know, I just wished I had done something, but I cant seem to find any, thus in the end, u had made a very wise decision, no, u’ve just dodge the greatest bullet in your life. I am after all no good to you, we just didn’t suit each other, and that’s the truth, and u know what they said about the truth kan?

I can only say this, despite how stranger we will become, how distant the relationship between us, lets remember this, I will always thought you as my best friend, my first ever, the first female ever to help me come to where I am today, and as much as I want to stay on longer with you, some greatest lesson in life must be taught alone, and here I am. Thanks girl, for one of the my greatest lesson too in life, came from you, even tho it was kinda painful, and sour memory, but it really educated me, and that’s the only objective I can achieve rite now. Em, if u somehow u find urself in a big trouble, money, or maybe just need a hint on guy’s perspective, not that my weird perspective wud help u a lot, but still, I’d be very glad to assist you. I may not be one of your top ten internet friends, or no longer will be able to send u some fancy gifts, or leisurely send u sms to ask if we’re going to hit any theater on the weekends, but hei, I’ll always be there when you need me. Tell me where and I’ll come rushing. I may not be able to love you endearingly like a lover, but I would gladly love you as a friend.

One of the few things that I picked up during running is perseverance, and it was never in my slightest intention to give up, but right now, I’m just slowing down my pace, and choose another route, and hopefully with God’s grace I will find the finishing line to every moments in my life, and my moments with u had gone just like the wind that blows onto my face, it was refreshing, very awakening, and with it I’m able to continue breathing, and now I’m back on my feet again, just like I always had, but dont worry, the cool breeze will blow its way again. Thanks girl, thank you so much :-)

Sentimental Thoughts Second

Assalamualaikum Hanafiah, how are you? Haha, it seems someone can’t sleep eh? Well, it’s only normal when it comes to you, maybe you were somehow born with the gene of a nocturnal animal like an owl instilled in your genes, but whatever it is, may you have a bright day, or night ahead.

So, I cant sleep, and its only normal when u’ve sleep so much during the day, and now closing ur eyes seems to be excessive. Well, I’ve decided that recently that I really wanna become a lecturer. I hoped to become one, because, not that only my parents are in the education industry, not that only that the work of shaping young minds is thrilling, fun, and meaningful, but it’s also because by becoming one, I think I’ll become someone that I like, someone that possess great quality traits and could at least have a bright character, and I will be somebody in the society only if I’m to become an educator that doesn’t teach by reading from the power point slides.

Well, u have come looong way, Hanafiah, don’t give up. What she said, is a great wake up call, people can change for the better, and Hanafiah, u will not become any worse than you are today. You will, even tho at much slower pace, somehow, eventually, improve yourself as days goes on. Relax Hanafiah, take it easy,okay? I wish for ur success in life, her life, any of ur friends’ life, like I’ve always had.

Written on: 28 January 2010

Sentimental Thoughts First

Assalamualaikum Hanafiah? How’s life? How is she?
How is ur best friend? Well, it seems like life didn’t turn out the way we wanted eh? It seems dat she’ll always look at u as a friend, even more saddening; a stranger, and dats just sad, really. But life is like love, it’s unpredictable, and the flower of love blooms even under the most unfulfilled condition at uncertain temperatures at an unknown location where u slightest expected it.

Love is hard, yet it’s fragile, and its only normal to love when people are being nice to u, and when they stopped (being nice), life is hard again. And u know what they said about life; dat life goes on. So, sabar la eh ;-)

Change, is hard, yet it can be as easy and quick as a bold, just make sure that it starts from deep within urself. Looking back at myself, I realized that her words are very true indeed. This wake up call, is very hard at first, it’s even harder when the one u trusted to deliver the words said it in a harsh way, and no matter how hard u beg her to reconsider and give dis another chance which she didn’t give makes it harder, and fortunately the well is dried up now, and hei, look, I’m starting to write again.

Yeah, what she said, keeps on repeating in my head, and it never stops, and I never know when it will. And muttering like ‘astaga’ or ‘tolong lah jangan’ everytime u’re awake seems like an idiot, but moving ur hands with mouth mumbling sumthing while driving with ur mum sitting next to is by far the worst la kan, haha.

Well, hanafiah, I can hope u can change better, I know u will. I just know u will, maybe it’ll require sometime, maybe it’ll take forever, or perhaps it could take up as little time one could expect because u just didn’t realize that u had changed, or whatever it is, sooner or later, today or sumday, maybe slowly but surely, u will change, Hanafiah.

U’ve come a long great way to change, to improve urself, and I cudnt see why u shud stop doing so, and perhaps maybe someday u’ll become a great friend to most of us, who is true to himself, without being the slightest hypocrite.

And what’s most important, like someone wud’ve said, jangan berputus asa dengan rahmat tuhan, berusaha, dan bertawakal, semoga setiap apa yg kita lakukan akan diberkatiNya, amin. Well, Hanafiah, I wish u success in life, in whatever u’ll do, and hopefully u can improve ur social skills and fulfill ur ambition to teach like ur parents had, like u always had ;-)

written on: 27 January 2010

Another Birthday, Another Thought, Another Day without Her

Assalamualaikum Hanafiah? Hei, what a boring person u are eh? To have time to write, to have time to express ur feelings in words, and let people know what’s going thru inside that thick head of urs, well, whatever it is, don’t ever lose faith, never, ever.

So, what’s up? Yeah, I guess recent event surely had been a wakeup call for u my friend. Life is hard, and unpredictable, but what I learnt recently is that, the condition of heart is beyond our control, and u cant make someone like u the same way just by using ur heart, but u must also have the brain, to stimulate the relationship, to adjust the condition where the feeling of love could bloom, but love itself is, like any other feelings are very unpredictable, u cud never expect someone will feel the same way about u tomorrow. U may cuddle hundred times, or said the L word (nope, not DAT L.O.S.E.R. word) like a thousand times a day, but if she didn’t feel dat way, she just didn’t feel that way. Yeah, it hurts, rejection hurts, like hell it did, but still, it’s not the end of the world, rather see this as an opportunity, to improve, to make urself better.

Wow, it sucks a lot eh, she’s gone, and I’m sleeping with the light on, I can feel her slipping out thru my fingers, running deep between my veins, and it’s hurting me, and it really is. I need a run, I need a cool breeze washing up my face, make my eyes open wider, but I’ve completed her course twice, so I wonder if such things would occur again if I completed for the third time? Well, I cant afford it, not right now, I just don’t have time for the pain.

Today is ur birthday eh Hanafiah? It seems u’re getting older, and may u’ve become more matured in whatever things u’ll venture, and whatever it is u’re going thru, never, ever lose faith, and with God’s grace my friend, u’ll achieve whatever u wanted, but in case u didn’t get what u wished for, lets remember this, God knows better, and be receptive with what He had given you. Happy 23rd birthday my friend, May God bless you, like you had always wished ;-)

written on 21st January 2010

Friends ;-)

The few things we should know,
About needing a friend,
It’s not just about sharing the dough,
But being together until the end

When the tide is high,
And hopes are smashed to smithereens,
Rest assured I won’t die,
We’ll always be together whatever it means

Do you feel this deep sensation?
When we share each other’s pain and laughter?
A wonderful feeling beyond imaginary’s creation,
That only occurs when we’re together

If there were romance,
Store it in the cart,
Measure the distance,
And push it to far apart

If you can’t convey,
If you can’t make it,
Don’t scared to say,
And never fake it

If love exists,
Face it without guilt,
For your presence is missed,
If the feelings were built

In case of separation,
Believe this without a doubt,
In the fight to diminish segregation,
Victory only achieved after the final bout

If you are in love,
Cherish it to your heart’s content,
Because love that evolves from friendship is like a curve,
The trajectory is unknown yet potent

When love snows,
Let other knows,
If it shows,
Your feeling grows

Such feeling was unexpected,
Never had I thought it occurred,
What made this happen I wondered?
For now only you that mattered

As we put on our coat,
We tend to deceive others,
Yet we still on the same boat,
In the end we’re just brothers and sisters

Well, gudluck to us all, like we always had wanted ;-)