Thursday, January 26, 2012

Sesudah Suku Abad

Assalamualaikum's life? Emm, I just finished exam, so...well, things havent been good lately, with the papers dat is...sigh. I was really blur and nervous at times during the exam, so I guess things may not turn up fine for me. But, there are many aspiring outcomes dat I got from such situation tho. Like for example I went to the library, staying from morning til late in the night, I realized dat to be surrounded by books and knowledge is not a bad thing after all, and this is something that I can do until the end of life

Jika ilmu itu dilambangkan dengan buku, 
Maka aku gembira berada di perpustakaan, arkib dan toko buku;
Jika ilmu itu dimiliki oleh cendiakawan, ahli ulama', dan mereka yang mahir,
Maka aku selesa mendampingi mereka;
Dan jika ilmu itu dapat dizahirkan melalui sikap penyabar dan berkasih sayang,
Maka aku bahagia mengasihi mereka

-Andersonian Library, Strathclyde University, 5 Jan 2012

Eversince after SPM, I realized that calculations and numerical-solving skill was no longer my strongest traits, and I felt left out miserably. And today, these exams are the mark and testament of my failures. But still, being humane, we cant help but to feel some strong attachment to things that we can't have. 

But knowledge is not something that we can't have; everyone is just capable of excelling in whatever they love given the fact that they practice and put more effort into it, nonetheless my effort may be insufficient to cater such intricate, complex calculation; well, not really dat complex, is just i may had mixed up my formulas, haha.

Tuhan tu memang Maha Kaya. Prior to coming here, I was always worried how thing will end up, with my coursework, assignments and meeting the dateline and such, however to certain extent, God had accompanied me with few friends dat definitely helped me a lot during these days. I was not alone, we all helped each others, and he pointed, taught so many things despite the numerous, tremendous amount of wondering question striking at every point during study sessions was answered in a calm, slow manner for the sake of my better comprehension of the subject, I could never thank your uncle Xu Gu, oh, we have to go to China if we want to meet him, ngeeh :-p, soon after that dat, as I finished my exams on the Friday the 20th of Jan, it was my birthday....again. You see guys, there are so many things that can happen within one year. Back then when I was a kid, I spent most of my time playing games at home, doing indoory kinda stuff. And being developed and exposed to such activities for quite some years, I tend to be more introverted and less sociable, despite the fact I do enjoy others' companion, I prefer to be alone mostly at times. 

But then ur uncle Sufian pulled me away from all these negativity. I started to open up more, and communicate more, I went out, and enjoy the companion of others. I took up football again, started jogging, started to appreciate the wonderfulness and the greatness of God's creation from the beauty of the vicinity, and I felt that deep in my heart. Nevertheless, my social skills was still miniscule thus it was insufficient for me to find your mum, haha, kidding. And due to certain stigma, unwanted experience, due to my ambition to be involving in academia and teaching, I will try to improve my social skills more; slowly, but surely. And without realizing it, I have some sort of attachment to my friends, and the desperate need to be part of their life, the neediness of involving in each activity they were doing suddenly develops. I started to be wanting to be part of something real, something that you could never get from virtual reality, from video games, something real, and that is a strong sense of brotherhood and friendship. 

So, few months after coming to Glasgow, most of my friends, as if having some sort of understanding between them, a conspiracy or something, starting to get married! Lots of them getting married! Wow, and I am indeed missing a big part in their important days in life. And that sucks, a lot. I really waaant to be there. And few months to come, my friend is going to get married, and I could have been his best-man...sigh. I was lost for quite sometime, waning and somberness kicks in, but in a much less serious, less detrimentally affecting.

But like I said, Tuhan itu Maha Kaya. I met lots of people, lots of GOOODDD people, that has the capabilities of being a wonderful, dedicated friend,  despite no matter how bad the person I am. I still remember vividly the day I came, as I pave my way out of the airport, and the first Malaysian dat I met was Ustaz Abduh. He thought me lots of things, religious matters dat I always found mysteriously compelling and touching, maybe most of his advices reflected on my negative traits, and in some way he helped me in becoming a better muslim.

Soon, I met uncle Safwan Romli (pakcik Wanli), he showed me around the city, with your uncle Deris. We went to the city center, helped me open a bank account, and showed important places like the post office here. After that I remembered meeting other guys like pakcik Faiz Nordin, pakcik Masrul, lecturer-lecturer ayah kat miat dulu, pakcik Hafizi, pakcik Wan Adlan, pakcik Shahrul, then I met the pharmacy clan; pakcik Hazwan Samian, pakcik Safwan Ghazali (pakcik Wanji), pakcik Ridhwan Razak (pakcik Due), makcik Azleen Azreen Azmi (makcik Leen?), makcik Izyani Nabila Ibrahim (makcik Bee? tak, dia tak sengat orang), makcik Fairuz (makcik ni mungkin sengat orang, haha), makcik Amirah Mohd Sedek (makcik ni makan perlahan, vogue kontrol ayu gitu), makcik Syifaa Aminudin (makcik yang ceria), makcik Farah...Izyan? (makcik dua nama?), makcik Anis Wahid (makcik yang buat ayah ingat teringat kepada makcik lain), makcik Farrah Kamarudin dan beberapa makcik lain yang mgkn ayah tak ingat kot nama diorang.

Dan ada the Naval Architecture gangs, uncle Ganesh Kumar, pakcik Kamal, pakcik Affan, makcik Georgina? makcik Elaine? hmm...which also the member of Strathclyde Photography club dan there are other few people as well whom I met from football which is pakcik Farihan (pakcik cip), pakcik Azpin (pakcik Ipin). Besides that, there's also the colony of Triple E's (Electrical and Electronic Engineering) pakcik Aizat (pak jat) and pakcik Deris as well as the Architecture groupie which was makcik Ana Dew (makcik anadu?) dan pakcik Najib serta uncle Shazwi dan uncle Asfa. But the lists did not stop there for I did not include my fellow companions from Brunei, pakcik Salleh, dan pakcik Faiz Sidek as well a fellow Malaysian, chemical student, pakcik Najhan. And last I met my African coursemate, Ugonna Mmbaezeu (uncle Ugo)

In case you're wondering why was i so eager in meeting new people, making friends and such; there was this one time in life when I really wanted this particular girl and I did everything in my power to make her feel the same way I did, but on the verge of the failure she said to me this

"No worries Hanafiah, we'll meet lots of other new people"

New...people... *sigh*

And the other reason is, I just thought it would be reaaallly nice to have friends, that we can share thoughts, pain and laughter together, despite all the shortcomings that each of us had, we tend to complement each other with extra capabilities that we had. It's just nice, to be in a place where we all feel to be appreciated, and wanted, for I had been living my whole life, feeling unwanted, ever since waaay before I was born. Any other reasons? Let's just say that I really want to improve myself, reeeaaaaallly bad. And improving social skills is definitely gonna help me a lot if I were to be into academia and teaching. Teaching sort of like one would normally said "it runs in the family" :-)

Tulis saja, tapi tak buat sangat, ngeh :-/

And thus today, all these writings are the testament of how I will never let such thing happened again; I will not let the history repeats itself. I wish you guys, my beloved friends, the best in life and to my beloved kids, for all the things that will come, I will never, ever forget my responsibility as a father.

So, back to the birthday, I cant thank you guys enough, I reaaaaaaaalllllllyyyy do. I am indeed speechless. Terharu, gembira especially bila fikir that I didnt know you guys that long; dan sedih sebab teringat kawan2 di malaysia lebih2 lagi ramai gila yang dah kahwin recently, dan i wonder how my mum would react to these things. Terima kasih kepada triple pakcik wan (Hazwan, Safwan dan Ridhwan) serta makcik-makcik lain (atau kakak-kakak? nah, im sticking to makcik, baru sama kan? haha).

Banyak gila makanan, syukur alhamdulillah, happy crazy!

So ayah dah 25 tahun skang, dan from my writings you can see that I may not be a fully matured, grown up person I am supposed to, but still, I know how far I have improved, thus I am keeping such perspective to myself and people around me. It's quite a personal entry (and looong indeed), but I choose to write it anyway, for the sake of memorabilia, for all these good times, I wish it will continue despite how old we will become, despite the hardships that each of us will face in life. As much I am trying to find your mum, I need to focus on my studies first, because if she were to appear in my mind, she'll occupy half of my brain capacity, so i need that capacity for much important things for the moment, which is knowledge, that I had sacrificed so much in trying to gain.

 this cake is crazy delicious!

MasyaAllah, crazy2 saja ayah lately.

From the bottom of my heart, terima kasih bebanyak untuk makanan-makanan yang sedap, pengalaman yang tidak terkata, persahabatan dan ukhwah yang telah terjalin . Syukur Alhamdulillah.

Semoga kesudahan yang baik bagi kita semua.

Jazakallahu khayran. I will always love you guys, and you guys definitely, like I always had.