Saturday, December 31, 2011

New Year 2012

Assalamualaikum kids. It's a new year's eve, so like usual, there are times in life I need to have views, and reflecting on my past year. It's cool, there are so many things happened, so many transitions, but with God's grace I am still able to stand.

The building near George Square

The clock tower from High Street

There are just time I like wander around aimlessly, seeing things, and have a fresh perspective on life, and start mapping out my next move onwards. What ever it is, happy new year kids, and I will always love you guys, like I always had

Friday, December 30, 2011

Five Minutes Song Duration of Writing (Michael Learns To Rock - Ghost of You)

Assalamualaikum. Ingin ayah coretkan rasa yang mengamit ketika menjangkau setiap inci bumi asing ini.

Kadang kala,
Manusia tidak dapat lari,
Antara nafsu dan cinta,
yang lara dan hakiki

Cinta pada zahir,
Bukan pada akal,
Kita mahir,
Tapi bebal

Jika hati dan cinta,
retorik semata-mata
apakah ini yang aku rasa?

Hanya padaNya sahaja,
Hak cinta kita,
dan getaran ini,
Kuasa Ilahi

Kadangkala, dalam hidup, kita diberi pilihan, dan retrospeksi kehidupan mengajar kita utk lebih matang, tetapi sejauh manakah kita dapat mengikut teori kehidupan yang kita inginkan, dan ada kalanya, ketika kekosongan memasuki setiap rongga dan saraf jiwa dan nurani, ilham-ilham dan idea-idea menerpa minda, memberi salam kepada sesiapa yang ingin memberi kebenaran kepada ilham dan idea ini terbentuk, dan ada kalanya, di sebalik ironiknya setiap peristiwa hanya mendekatkan kita pada fitrah, dan siapa lagi yang lebih afdal untuk membincangkan fitrah diri selain Sang Pencipta yang Maha Berkuasa; dan ada kalanya, antara kadang kala yang terjadi dapat memberikan manfaat kepada diri, dan untuk itu, ayah mendoakan kesudahan yang baik bagi kita, kerana kesudahan yang baik adalah bagi orang-orang yang beriman. Wallahu a'lam. 

Ive been living in the past too much, Ive enjoyed so many rides with my time machine ticket.

It's really time to forgive, forget and move on.

I love you guys like I always had :-)

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Photographs not Physics, Chemistry or V vs T Graph

Assalamualaikum kids. People had often ask me this "why I love taking pictures so much?" despite the poor quality of my photographs dat is, haha. I'd usually smile, and continue snappin' and I slowly explain things like I love taking candid pictures, impromptu attitudes that are reflected on the facial expression as I press on the shutter, but I often too forgot to clarify one thing; photographs for me is like sum sort of ticket for me to go back to the past it's like a small, miniature of time machine.

I will always love you guys, like I always had :-))))

Of Love, Faith and Speechless Words

Assalamualaikum kids? How's life? Hmmm, Im kinda speechless tonight....not, haha, kidding. I... dont know why, I dont know if any of you my beloved child, or any of my friends will go through this, having to doubt your ownself, and I guess, taking the lack of confidence into consideration, you might as well say we'll gonna be having such conversation again in the future, haha, but nevertheless, bear with me kids, I wont let you be emancipated from this one.

I wonder about you guys, about my friends, that as much as things looked normal, fine to my four-naked eyes, I wonder if any one had doubts about what they are going through. And, looking from all those things I wrote from my adolescent years, I could be considered as a master of self-doubting. I don't know where the lack of confidence came in, but somehow I manage to squeeze in, fortunately tho.

A friend once told me this, being good-natured is not enough, for people will take chances to scrutinize, belittling others as they pave their negative way up to the social hierarchy, thus it's best for us to step up to these kind of injustice if we want to bring positive and goodness to others. His words made me think, made me realize, that I really need to do something about myself, I need to step up, I need to take my game to the next level, always aim higher than you expected, but put on small, achievable milestones as you progress so that measuring your success wont be so hard.

Recently, I...really, really speechless, again. I...guess, maybe I'm just not feeling well.

I will always love you guys, like I always had.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Edinburgh, The People, Culture, Landscapes and Love

Assalamualaikum kids? How's life? Recently I had the chance to go to Edinburgh, other than that I didnt do anything much really. So, as I was commuting by the train, few ideas stroke my mind, like I always had, haha. Nevertheless, it was fun considering I didnt do anything much this holiday, and cramping up in my room seems a little bit ridiculous but the idea of going somewhere didnt strike my mind for I was kinda worried about my exams and assignments. These feelings of being alone in the room, with pile of things to study is faaaaar better than doing nothing at all, and having the opportunity to meet new friends, broadening my horizons by surrounding the goodness in people that I met is by faaaaar better than not doing anything at home in Malaysia; but I do miss your grandma tho.

And I pray that i will always get to meet and befriend new people and see new places. But for that, I wish that I will be able to secure a job before I finish my studies here. Love you guys, like I always had :-))

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Eid Al Adha

I cant sleep yet, my mind's kinda wandering for sum unknown reason, like always. Nevertheless, it often tells me to sleep. It? Yeah, my body, yet my mind urges to keep on striking this dusty old Compaq keyboard laptop.

Eid Al Adha is around the corner, and I admit, having to come here for only like a month or so, had made me miss home, even more, especially considering that I never actually, technically leave home as long as I would now, thus this feelings kinda developing and starts to ripped my sanity, only I choose to suppress it and keep it aside, as long as I could. This feelings, the sense of loneliness doesnt really occur when u're in the classroom, or when u're doing your assignment, but as soon as the pitch black of the dark night comes creeping in, and the surrounding seems to be quiet, sumtimes it too quiet but just the moment that it gets to the freaky stage, BAM! your next door roomate, your flatmate came knocking to your door, oblivious of his actions and start to sing sum unknown song in sum foreign language, an alienated sound to your ear, but still convincing enough to know that he doesnt realize what the heck he was saying or doing all along. When this situation kicks in, and all of the necessary factors, igniters, falls into its rightful place, the sense of loneliness and homesick sparked, depends on the windy direction of moodswings, it can burst up to one powerful flame, a flame that rhetorically speaking, is not able to light up all the fire emergency alarm or trigger any smoke detectors.

Life's kinda busy, but that keeps me going. Assignment keeps me going...not really, haha. Recently, I have this  aspiration, and sum sort of idea, and sum other things.

Chill kids, I'm fine, no worries, I will always love you guys, like I always had :-)

The Few Little Things that Transcend Death

Assalamualaikum kids? How's life? Yeah, I just went back from a friend's birthday party. Yeah, it was really fun, and not to mention there's delicious foods as well. Yeah, happy besday to aunty Syifaa, yeah, I will introduce you guys to her, and the rest of the gang, uncle hazwan, safwan, ridhwan, then there's another uncle safwan, haha, and also not to forget the religious, pious uncle faiz. Oh, by the way I started my day with coming late to an appointment because i was stuck in the bathroom with broken door knob. So, I had to jump from the window, onto the bushes, half naked, with 3-4 degree Celsius in the environment, I ran quickly as I could. But enough on dat, just like the mood of vacation, and having to just went home from a birthday party had made me thinking, about few things.

In life, there are things that I hold on the most, and among these few things dat I held above others; one of them would be integrity, and sincerity. These principles, that I had been holding on for so long, that made me running thru thick and thin, despite all the negativity it occurs of implementing it, I daresay, that Im not fairest of all in this context, there are times I hold back, and I let negativity swoops in. However, having strong feeling for your set of principles, believe and continue holding onto em, no matter how harsh the situations or conditions are against it,even having the world against your set of beliefs, even the tides doesnt favor your way; if you continue holding on to em under this situation, you're already a man, my beloved kids. And these are the principles that your great grandpa had instilled into me, indirectly, ever since I was a kid.

You see, having to grow up without a father figure, I had definitely rely on these two people in accommodating the psychological need of a person called father; these are the guys that was my father-figure to me, in the early days of my life.

So, I had always remember few taglines from my grandpa, from atuk korang. This happened when I was in standard one, aged seven years old and I just came back from school in the middle of ramadhan, the fasting month. Came back from the school, I ran to the kitchen, opened up the refrigerator and check if there's any food under the tudung saji. Yeah, I didn't fast back then, haha, hell no, you guys arent gonna get the same luxury I had, not fair? suck it up, im ur father after all, haha. Neway, I was sitting on the chair, and your grandpa, he will come.

"Haa, tak puasa"
"Adik puasa separuh hari la tuk"
"Mana boleh puasa separuh-sparuh, puasa kena penuh"
"Tak tahan la tuk, penat lari, balik skolah lapa dah"
*sambil tersenyum* "puasa memang la lapa, semalam kata nak puasa,"
*terus makan*
"tau tak ni orang india cakap apa?"
"apa tuk?"
"cakap tak serupa bikin" *sambil tersenyum

"Cakap tak serupa bikin" and I want you guys too, to remember this phrase, until the day you die. Your words are who you are, and never, ever be someone whom his words can't be trusted, never be someone who may say something, but acted totally different just to accommodate and fulfill his own negative agenda. If you are not able to say things dat you are not sure of, not ever being able to guarantee that you will act out to what you say, never in the slightest sane mind thought of saying anything, for people will claim all your words back, and they will quote the things, each single words that you said, and if you had acted differently people will lost faith, trust and will act differently. You will loose respect, and you relationship may never be the same. 

I had a friend, and he was doing the same thing. No, I didnt despise him or anything, i didnt hate him, but i think it's best if I just keep a certain space, because even though he's a friend, but things are no longer the same, ever. I just couldn't let myself to believe him, not anymore.

It's funny though, remembering my grandfather, in a foreign land. Never I thought I was able to come this far, it was of my slightest intention. I will make him proud, I will. Al-Fatihah to my grandfather, Haji Abdul Kadir bin Yunus, may he rest in peace. For all the things he did, all the principles and beliefs he sow deep in me, and all the religious teachings he taught, I can't thank him enough.

And never loose faith on me, as I will continue having faith on the great person you guys will be. I will love you guys, like I always had :-)

It's Windy...Like Your Mom

Assalamualaikum kids? How's life? Recently the weather's been reaaaaallly unstable, yeah and I rarely see the sun, and even if it were to appear, it was only for a while, for brief second. I do miss Malaysia, and the weather, I do miss the seeing the white fluffy clouds, and the feeling of bright, warm glittering ray on the western hemisphere whenever the sun sets.

Recently, on Thursday this week, which technically yesterday; my class was cancelled, because of the heavy gust of wind that reached about 90-80 mph. That's like reallly freaking fast, and standing in the middle of the road will definitely get you flown away if you're too skinny that is.

So, as I was in the middle of the street, feeling the wind breeze blew against me, it was harsh, hard, strong in lots of ways that I may not be able to describe it, maybe not right now with my limited vocabulary that is.

By the wind, I realized too, the empty hollow deep in the corner of my heart, beyond reach of light; and at some point, ironically u just want to be alone, and I felt that. I saw people passing by, walking up and down the streets, with heavy, thick sweaters and windbreakers as they pave their way on the wet, dark parchment of the road that endangers the pedestrian due to its slippery condition that was caused by the snow few days earlier. Seeing them, juggling between all these things, these criteria that is beyond their control, I realized too, that we may not be able to control the variables, the external factor that had been put or implemented upon us, but however, with God's grace, we can determine the factors, and the output of every effort that we put on, given that we put in enough inputs and allocating certain sufficient amount of effort.

So, when I feel the harsh wind, or the calm breeze on top of the high street (its a name of a road, yeah, pretty much ironic yet pun intended) I just don't know why but I just felt like it; like a woman;the wind is like a women, like any woman that had come into my life, the ones that had gone and still remained here. Nevertheless, like the last line from the last scene of a movie called 'A Walk to Remember' which was an adaptation from a novel, "her love is like the wind, I can's see her, but I can feel it" and I believed that's one of the true things in life. Women's love is like a wind, and guys are like wind turbines that continues to rotate to generate electricity. I am running out of words tho, there's no way winging it, but as much as I want to start propelling, to start generating something positive and contribute, environment and society; there are few things I need to improve, and certain things need to be accomplished, for there are other things that currently really, really matters to me.

Your mum, is a really-really great person. If I were to be successful one day in whatever I will be, for all the good things and great memories, for all these things to come, she will be my wind.

I will love you guys, like I always had.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Coffee and Dark Chocolate

Assalamualaikum. Ayah suka minum kopi, susu, dan dark chocolate, dan these little things make me happy (ke hyper?) even for a short while, masyaAllah.

Ya Allah, walaupun kegembiraan ini hanya sementara, ayah berharap semoga ia lebih kerap hadir dalam hidup kita.

Sayang korang dan dont be a caffeine addict, like I always had :-/

Monday, December 5, 2011

Speechyless Thoughts

Assalamualaikum kids? How's life? Hmmm, i am pretty speechless tonight. for there are too many things been bottling up my mind, thus I can see why being clairvoyance was one of the traits I can hardly acquire. Nevertheless, thank God for all the insights and perspective He had bestowed upon me, for all these perspectives are the few little things that made me separated apart from other people, thus I finally able to distinguish myself in quite a unique, perplexing way that may beyond the thinking of my brain capacity few years ago. I can now hold my head up high, and being able to walk on the path that I wanted, tho I admit the road, the end of this journey may have a doubtful ending; however I am determined to see it through until the end.

I will love you guys like I always had :-)))

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Snow, Life and Heart are Inter-Related

Assalamualaikum kids? How's life? I am feeling kinda sentimental tonight, maybe it's because the over dosage of caffeine  I suppose, nevertheless, im writing tonight (or early morning?) solely because it's snowing outside.

Yeah, it snows, why it's a big deal to me?Hmm, probably because Ive been living in Malaysia my whole life and I never, ever had the chance to fully experience one of God's wonders that beyond the capability of men; yeah, there may be sum sort of artificial snow in Genting, but it's not the same; for human creation always has its flaws and errors.

Snow, being very beautiful and scenic, is pretty much coold to begin with. The fact that I was shivering strongly even with the heater turned on gave me quite a headache, pretty much stirs up the reason to not ever coming here again. You see, back then in Malaysia, I was never good with cold things, I literally hate cold; and I dint know why. I don't drink cold drinks and my room is pretty much hot and any friends that came would definitely sweat, except me dat is. My body had been adapting to this kind of temperature for quite some time. And ironically, unbeknownst to my sane mind, I had choose Glasgow to further my studies. Not being able to cope up with this extreme weather definitely had taken its toll on me for few weeks, but as I started to play football almost 2 hours every week, and having to walk to classes and SUMSA (Strathclyde University Muslim Student Association) place for prayers, definitely had strengthen my body and had made me become more comfortable with the current weather.

The first few things that I realized about snow is that it's beautiful and yet simple; because the fact is that snow is just a collective of water, transformed and hardened into ice and falls down to earth; but God had made it soo beautiful that it perfected, thus it gave us an idea that even such simplest thing, if were to be acting on a huge amount, on much larger scale, it can be very graceful and captivating, so beautiful as well being breath-taking to any naive, humble and simplistic yet touching the heart to the eyes of beholder.

People had asked me "seronok main snow?" and I'd rather say not for I am enjoying this alone. It was kinda lonely to be witnessing something reaaaally-really great and awesome as this by yourself. God's best wonders in the world are not meant to be watched and gasped for your eyes only. It takes friends, and family members to share these experiences. I never liked being alone, I never did. It sucks, big time. The snow is not alone as well, when it fell on the surface of the earth, it comes in large bundle, a huge amount of quantity that becomes so beautiful and could cause impact and affect people's hearts, affecting enough for them to get out from their cozy warmness of the blanket and hot, expensive, money-draining heater to be showered and emblazoned with cold in the middle of the night; thus i concluded it is affecting enough to touch other people's hearts. I wanna be like snow too, I want to make impact on the world, to be successful, not alone, but having my friends and companions fighting on the same path to success, and we will become a role models, and example to each one and another; to be more successful in life; and I want to do this, together, like snow.

I realized, one of the significance of having snow showering this humble earth is a sign to human, a lesson for men, and a great reflection on our daily life. You see, life and snow is pretty much inter related; for hardships and obstacles that we face in life is like the cold that nobody wanted, and it's kinda suck to have to undergo all these for the target we wanted to acquire; and snow, is pretty much the success, the beauty of achieving something we desired sooo long and the cold, or obstacles only made our victory much sweeter.The good things in life, the better and the best is yet to come, but there's always a price that we must pay, and effort we have to show, something that we must give away in order to feel whatever the good things we wanna feel.

Kids, I wills study hard, hopefully. I will always love you guys like I always had.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Five Minutes Song Duration of Writing (Pearl Jam - Last Kiss)

Assalamualaikum kids, how's life? Hmm, I know, my introduction had always been the same, kind dull eh? Haha, but I believe this too, that in life, this small seem no meaningful things are the little things that we sought after.

Recently, I watched this advertisement, on the net, on the social networking website, regardless what ever you guys will call it in the future, but mine was pretty much addicting enough. So, the advertisement was about sumone, an Indian woman, who seem to be in her late 50's I guess. At that moment, she was about to give a speech at her husband's funeral. It started to sound absurd and ridiculously funny at first, but then as the speech rolled on, people started to realize the message she was trying to convey.

At first she told, at her husband's funeral, how hard his husband farted at night, during sleep, and how his snoring sounded like, almost identical to a revving sound of a motorboat (or car?) engine. However, these small things are the little things she miss, these trivial matters are the sign, the indication that her husband was alive; and she can proceed her day with these trivial, that may seem ridiculously funny for others, but the most valuable and precious for her; and these what made her day. And now, ever since her husband had passed away, she's been realizing this, how significant, and distinctive it was to her; and it may sounded funny but there's nothnig she can do except but to sadly reminiscing and laughing amused at the thoughts, these funny memorabilia of her late husband.

People...wait, that's kinda unfair to collectively judge people; okay, I am one of those who always take things for granted. Ever since I was a kid, I realize, that there's no way you could ever cheat death, and as a muslim, I always believe that death, can always come in whatever way, or whatever methods that can be unthinkable to the logic of the limited brain capacity of men, and it can strike at whatever time regardless whether we're prepared or not.

When I was a kid, I always had a fight with your wan (gramma) and usually it will involves her not buying the toys that I wanted. And I usually would persuade her for days, and months,; yeah, dont judge me, i wont let you guys do the same, haha, neway, most of the time, when she was fed up or really stressed out at work with her other problems, and with me adding up to the stress she already had at her limit, she would suddenly take a car and drive somewhere, gone. I hate it when she did that, because of the fact I strongly believe that death can happen anytime, anywhere and to anyone God chooses to. And, to top it off, I watched too many Japanese serial dramas, malay soap operas, cerekarama,, i am not drama addict, no, haha, it's just that these stories, they usually end up in tragedies.

And I believe that all of us, will never want to depart with our loved ones in a strong, aggressive, argumentative confrontations, because I loved her, I really do, it's just that I can be very selfish at times and I pray to God not to execute my selfishness with unbearable tragedy that I could really figure out.

Life is very valuable, as well as your relationship to others; it's important to love yourself and at the same time loving your family and friends, and build up good relationship with your colleagues of different races, cultures and creed. Treat others the way you wanted to be treated, and with God's grace you will end up fine, even without me around.

Regardless of whatever argumentation, confrontation, or discussions we had, or even we're unable to embrace each other in the last counting minutes on earth, and holding onto each other for a little while seems to be the most, longest precious moments we had, or if else fails; I will always love you like I always had.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Salam Maal Hijrah

Assalamualaikum kids? Em, Im kinda speechless today, but nevertheless, it wont stop me from saying things. Today is Maal Hijrah, a new year in the Islamic calendar. It's a fresh start all over again. Talking about fresh start, I was among the fortunate ones, to be given the opportunity to press the hypothetical 'restart' button in my life, and all the f**ked up things that I did, I was given the chance to redo and redo and redo it all over again.

But my question is, why, on what logic basis for us human to continue making the same mistake all over again when we know such thing is hazardous, endangering and threatening to ourselves? What kind of mental model do we adapt for us to adapt such way? Does the world capitalism lead to these bad things; these negativity bottled up in one rotting soul? is it the overpopulation? is it the question of faith? is it the question of phase and period? or perhaps could this be just an illusion to make things complicated? what gives? I too dont seem to find the real answer behind it.

Recently, i had a discussion, with people we had dialogues but i was pretty much keeping things to myself, i was scared, i was afraid to speak up, i was overly conscious, and having practice giving presentations in classes and training still cant help me overcome my public anxiety. I kept things quiet until the end. I was the less productive, the most non contributing person in the class, however until the end, i tried summing up all the things they said.

All the things that happened in this world, is because of us, it is because of ourselves; we choose to walk on the route to wherever we're going today, and by God's grace, we're reaching there; and if the world is overpopulated, if the world is becoming congested, if the world had suddenly fall upon us, IT ALL HAPPENS BECAUSE WE CHOOSE TO BE IN THAT WAY, and there's no way winging it. We are what we are today because we choose to be that way, and why procrastinate? If we dont like what we are today, so step up and make the right decision that will befit your soul and soothes your heart, but let me tell you this; those things that we thought are the best things for us could end up being the other way around, and vice versa.

We never know about the future, but know this; sesungguhnya setiap yang baik itu datangnya dari Allah s.w.t. dan setiap yang buruk itu datangnya dari kelemahan dan kekurangan diri kita sendiri. I cant say much kids, u know the decisions you're going to take, and i hope you guys will be wise enough in making decisions for those are the traits that i dont have and i've always sought after. Love your life kids, if you're thinking you're making the wrong turn in life, u can always go backtrack. And if you're lost, there's always the Quran and Hadith to guide you back on the right track. I will love you guys, like I always had :-)

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Five Minutes Song Duration of Writing (Maher Zain - The Chosen One)

Assalamualaikum kids? How's life? Haha, today, i met with this lovely, beautiful kid and her parents are faithful Libyans. And of course, almost like emotional father, or maybe the sense of parenthood just started to kick in, or whatever the feeling im having at that time, I know i want to have it with you; and seeing how much I enjoy seeing the kid, I cant imagine how thrilled I am to see you guys, my beloved kids growing up.

maybe, you guys often wonder; "why the heck that this blogs is full of sum crap parenting advice?" or "what is he talking gibberish about? family? kids? damn it man! You're just 24 and u dont even have your own job yet, and you cant even take care of yourself and you want to have family" or perhaps "apa benda la mamat ni, ingat senang ke nak ada keluarga, nak ada tanggungjawab?"

As much as the answers are pretty much not on my side, and as much I want to have those capabilities, those traits of a father, I DON'T and that's fact. I just don't, at least for the near future, BUT that doesnt mean I am giving up; giving up my desires to have a family; giving up my desires to see you guys grow up, and become a better person in society, the desire to bear ALL these responsibility.

I believe, the most valuable essence, the basis, the strength to become a father, bearing such huge responsibility is to have the desire, to want to become one. I will continue to make effort, to get my message through, to have the burning passion and desire for my offspring, and I will continue doing so even when I am no longer breathing, even when I am only living in your heart and precious memories.

One of the key aspects in life is making decisions, that is derived by the desire to want to accomplish the things we think is the utmost valuable to us; and just remember that every options that we choose, has its consequences, and remember too for every fiery, burning desire that we decided to put off, will only make the surrounding darker, and before we're about to be swallowed, emblazoned in the pitch black, step up and make actions and the right decision to light it up again; who knows, the future that once may seem so dark is now brightly lid!

We never know the things that are gonna strike us, and things, happened, unexpectedly. However, we could make effort, and pray for the best. If God's willing, I will meet you one day kid, and let's hope I dont forget the feelings I had today. I will always, will always love you, like I always had :-)

Monday, November 21, 2011

Five Minutes Song Duration of Writing (Maher Zain - Freedom)

Assalamualaikum kids, how's life? For Freedom? I dont know what to say tho, there are so many things you can say about freedom, but there are just times when ironic speaks, and you dont really know about things or important matters that u once tot u know it so much, so briefly.

'Freedom' , is one those powerful words that walk side to side with 'integrity', 'passion' , 'faith' and other things any one could think of. The people of Malaysia, had been fighting so hard, and they had sacrificed so many things regardless of they realizing it or not, sacrifices in terms of direct or indirect, knowing or unknowingly they had offer things that they believe will contribute to the betterment of this country, to the things they believe in, to to things that they have 'faith' on, those things that keeps on their 'drive' and 'passion' burning; all these things they believe in only reflects deeply on how their true colors are, their inner-self, their 'integrity'.

Freedom had definitely plays an important role in our life, being free and being able to do the things that we wanted is what we thought we sought but let's face it, only by obeying God's rule can we become truly free. I am definitely not one of those people who have the ability to preach or teach others, but I would like to think that I am when I was once alive, I had created posts or write things that inspire people to change and find their true freedom.

Being muslim, our definition of freedom can be somewhat perplexing for the atheis, for people who of different creeds and beliefs; they often ask how can by preventing to do so many things, how can by putting up so many restrictions and had to obey lotsa rules in islam can one be considered free?  That's one of the question I often ask, but dont worry, my faith is not shaken, but only to be very determined to show how freedom really is, at least from my perspective as muslim.

God had definitely have His way in guiding us, without we realizing it or not, but often we did not, and I too am one of those unfortunate ones. At times, I was never thankful for the things that I had, never realized what a precious gem I've been holding on, only to realize the worth of it once it's already gone. I believe, Islam put up such restrictions as guidelines; and us, the humble servant of God tends to screw up and make mistakes in life, thus Allah knows what is best for us.

I cant be more preachy than today, for sum reason, I just cant; for my knowledge is superbly inadequate, and the knowledge I accumulated until today cant even be compared to the tiny droplets of water in the ocean. Kids, grow up to be a better person in life, and remember, love your parents too, cause I love you guys, like I always had.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Five Minutes Song Duration of Writing (Westlife - I Had a Dream)

Assalamualaikum kids? How's life? Haha, from now on I wanna start to introduce sumthing random, yeah, im gonna try to write anything dat comes up to my fickle minded mind as I hear to random, favorite songs in my music playlist. So, anything dat comes up is pretty much random after all, based on the songs that I listened.

Okay, so here goes....I have a dream, of making the world a better place for us to live in, maybe I cant contribute much to society yet, and as much as I want to, there are just excuses and procrastination dat comes up, created regardless of my intention tho.

I know this may be naive, like "what the heck mate?" or "why? are the world we currently live in is not good enough for you?" those negative perspective definitely stir up, but still, it's of course is much easier to just succumb and dive into negative ideas, stay relax and do nothing at home, but I am not one of those people, I hope, i tried to remind myself, that I want to contribute, I want to make people happy, I enjoy a win-win situation and i hate seeing tears of pain and bloodshed especially in my home country, I hate the fact that people starts to segregate themselves into different political parties, opinions and thoughts make them so divided, they focus on their differences rather the things that they had in common, or just realize that each one is trying to survive just as well, just trying to live, and should we realize too that without them, we dont exist. we should acknowledge the fact that their existence complements our lives, our short, fragile life that is such a waste to spend it on being angry and pissed off all the time.

I love people, i love friends, I may not look like a friendly people, but I realized that too, apart from family, these strangers who I met along the way, along the route, sepanjang perjuangan ini, these people who fight shoulder to shoulder with me, these people who helped me in achieving to become a better person, a better man, a better muslim in life, these people, i endearingly hold onto, these people who I called friends, I cant convey how thankful I am, and only be able to express it, soliloquizing it to myself that after family and blood relationship, u guys are the most valuable thing I sought after. And as life goes on, people will change, they wont stay by yourside any longer, and good friends depart but good friends arrive as well, or so they said.

Time's up, I need to go now kids. Ciao! Assalamualaikum, and I will always love you guys like I always had :-)))

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Random Thoughts....Like Again

Assalamualaikum kids? How's life? Today, we're gonna approach life, from maybe a slightly different perspective, another angle, so that we will always have this new, up and fresh ideas about things dat happen in our daily life. And today, I feel like giving sum sort of inspirational talk, as a boost to your self esteem, as well improving mine. Lets roll.

Rasulullah SAW bersabda, “Sampaikanlah dari ku walaupun hanya satu ayat.” Hadis Riwayat Ahmad, Bukhari, Tarmidzi. dan sayang sekali, dalam keghairahan ayah menekan kekunci keyboard selama ini, jarang sekali ayah menyampaikan pesanan dan dakwahnya.  Maka maafkan ayah; Ill try better next time.

Kita semua mengejar cinta, mengejar pasangan hidup yang kita dambakan. Apabila kamu kembali ke tempat asal kamu, ayah nak kamu pergi berjumpa sesiapa, sesiapa sahaja, dan katakan yang kamu sukakan mereka, katakan kamu cintakan mereka, dan ingin menghabiskan masa kamu pada masa hadapan bersamanya, dan pastikan orang itu bukan ahli keluarga kita; orang asing semestinya, dan katakan di tengah khalayak ramai.

Tidak masuk akal? Gila? Sememangnya! 

Tapi apa rasionalnya ayah menyuruh kamu berbuat demikian? Ketika kita terlalu asyik mengungkapkan kata cinta pada hambaNya, kita jarang sekali mengucapkan rasa cinta pada Penciptanya; dan ingat lah juga, ketika hambaNya sentiasa menolak cinta kita, Allah tidak pernah sekali menolak rasa kasih kita padaNya dan pintu taubat itu sentiasa terbuka.

I dont really have many other things to say currently except the fact that, I may had not become a good father thruout the years, and I cant help but saying sorry profusely; dan mengatakan setiap yang buruk itu datangnya dari kelemahan ayah sendiri. 

Love you guys, will always, like I always had :-) 

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Another Chance I Guess

Ada orang pernah bertanya pada ayah, kenapa kita sentiasa menagih cinta apabila kita sedar bahawa cinta itu membutakan? dan dalam keghairahan kita mengejar cinta, kita terlalu taksub dengannya sehingga kita mengalpakan cinta dariNya. Apabila cinta hambaNya tidak lagi dapat kita tagihi, kita lantas menadah tangan meminta kepadaNya agar kembali ke dalam terjerumus dalam keadaan yang pada dasarnya kita fikir tidak berdosa malahan ramai yang mengelarnya sebagai cinta sejati, tetapi sebenarnya hanyalah suatu fasa sementara dan alasan untuk kita bergelumang dengan nafsu; dan lebih pelik lagi, walaupun kita sedar dengan setiap keburukan dan kekurangan yang akan kita hadapi, KENAPA kita masih memilih cinta itu? Ketepikan buat sementara kisah orang lain, ini cerita kita, cerita ayah pada anak-anaknya dengan tujuan memberi iktibar, dan memikirkan kembali pengalaman lalu, betapa sesatnya ayah ketika itu, betapa patutnya terjadi perkara yang terjadi itu terjadi peristiwa yang sangat memalukan; setiap kejadian itu ada hikmahnya, dan ini adalah peringatan pada diri ayah sendiri, supaya jangan terlalu ghairah mengejar cinta yang tidak pasti, sehingga mengorbankan prinsip dan peribadi seorang muslim. Ayah cuba tak buat lagi. Ayah sentiasa sayangkan kamu , like I always had.

Monday, October 17, 2011

It's Kinda Cole Eh?

Assalamuaalaikum kids? How's life? Its kinda cold eh? Nope? Haha, must be the weather here...I guess. Hmm, what shall we talk about today? I dont really have any ideas tho, not now I guess. Its pretty much the same when people ask me questions and for sum unknown reason, i find myself clenching my fist just to get the right answers thru, but in normal conditions, under normal situations without any circumstances, my mind when faaaar, as far as I could reach, and suddenly the world is indeed, metaphorically speaking, is sumthing i grasp on.

People, friends, family, and new friends I met along the way had always ask me this; "WHY?", "KENAPA?" or maybe in a much colloquial manner "AWAT HANG MAI SINI? CUBA HABAQ CEK SKET!?" or for east coast people "MU TUBIQ SINI NAK GOCOH GAPO?" er...okay, ayah hentam je dat last part, nevertheless it gets the point thru.

There are many things that I mentioned here, wait...maybe all of them, all of the "hybrid theory" (this is actually a name for one of Linkin Park's hit album, so pun intended) can be find, at the basic of Islam, niat, or nawaitu kita. Apakah nawaitu ayah ketika hadir ke sini? sightseeing? cari awek mat salleh? mungkin ada, haha, taak, of course not, tapi I have my reasons, my niat, my nawaitu, and that is to seek knowledge so that, with God's grace I will have that qualification and knowledge to work in the energy sector and other things but I prefer to keep it to myself for the time being.

As I enrolled in this course, as i enter this country, my sense of awareness of energy, heat, and environment had increased tremendously. And all the energy-related issues suddenly kicks in, and I start to have certain views and ideas, which may seem rhetorically rubbish in this early stage, but still, lets just say its a beginning of sumthing great, haha

People too had ask me this "kenapa pegi sana? Bawa diri ke?" or "tu la, tgk Hanafiah dah merajuk bawa diri ke sana" or sumthing similar I guess. Well, I cant say much about it, and I wont deny it either, I admit that sum part of me is frustrated, maybe annoyed or seems to be a bit tense about I dont know, maybe employment or sumthing, maybe about not being able to do sumthing real, I admit a part of me feels like I played too much, too much that I may had take this opportunity to run from my friends' success when me myself a failure, when I didnt do much, maybe by taking this course, it gives me sum time to get all my shit together, all the messed up and failures, all the times that I had spending making the journey on the wrong path in life, maybe this is just another way for me to retrack back to life. I just dont know kids, there are times I felt so lost, and quite many times I asked myself  "Why the heck did I came here in the 1st place? Dah la bayar mahal, makan susah, buang air susah, lecturer cakap satu apa pun tak faham, belajar benda baru, susah lak lagi!" okay, i exaggerate a bit, but there are times i do felt dat way.

When I came to Glasgow, the sunday on the 1st week I reached there, I met my lecturer, En Hafizi. He said this to me "Tiada apa yang mudah, dan kelemahan kita orang Melayu ialah cepat sangat untuk mengatakan tidak boleh, mudah mengalah, ini adalah sesuatu yang perlu kita ubah" or sumthing similar. I know many people had said this, even similar, but maybe during that situation I cant help but to reaaally heed his words; and kids, never ever feel afraid of the unknown and uncertainties, because you are not alone, I had been there, and I am still figuring my way out, but unfortunately, the process and the experience that I had here is sumthing that is beyond my limited vocabulary. I am still searching the answers to all the questions, but I know one part of the questions; I AM NOT RUNNING AWAY! I believe this is one of God's will, one of His ways answering to my prayer of wanting to improve and finding a way for the sake of bettering myself.

I really need to find your mum soon. Part of the answers lie within her, and you guys too. I will always love you guys like I always had.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

From Glasgow with Cold, Kilt, and er...Wind Turbines?

Assalamualaikum kids? How's life? Em, for me things are doing fine here....I guess, to certain extend that is. Life's kinda cool here, er, cold here, and as much I hated cold back then in Malaysia, i find myself adapting quite well with the extreme, silap, temperature here (pressure pun ada sebenarnya :-D).

Back then, after SPM, i dont know what you guys will call it later, but mine was dat, and it never occurred to me to ever further my studies here. Ever since I failed my SPM miserably, the only thing dat came in my mind is what, or where I am going to further my studies, without having to put real burden on my mum, and the man question dat came next is how? The second question is the hardest to find, to solve, because with my qualifications, and grades, I pretty much sure there are not any place available for me.

I tried applying for matriculation course, swearing that if i got the same chance again I will not screw it up, because back then, it was the cheapest method I can get, and life was not easy back then as lots of things happened. I was really worried, ur wan (orang negri panggil wan) was worried as well. Deep down I realized that I had screw things up, it was my fault, for taking the chances that I get for granted, and here I am suffering the consequences. But it looks like fate had not allow me to take the path and I didnt get the chance for matriculation.

So, with screwed up mind in my head, I came across an advertisement on the paper; it was about study exhibition, MARA study expo. I hesitated, but thinking maybe I might as well check it out; who knows what fate had in its store for me. So, with few of my friends, and uncle Shauki, I went there, we check things out. And I came across UniKL for the first time, and heard about its matriculation, or foundation course, which they refer as Foundation in Engineering Technology and its located in Kolej MARA Kulim, Kedah. I applied, and the following week I received the reply, and I got it. I brought it up to ur wan and things are all good again.

And now, after a year graduating from UniKL Malaysian Institute of Aviation Technology, I was pretty much jobless, I went to few training like INSEP, and TeSSDE program, and I managed to work in Kemuncak Pesaka with your uncle Sufian for two months and a half I guess. Thinking back of the experience that I go through, the huge number of interviews which I rarely succeed, and the ups and down in the past few years, not to mention that searching for ur mum can be quite a pain in the ass, I cant be more thankful, I cant be.

Before I make the decision to come here, I often ask myself why is it relevant for me to fork out lotsa money, and put on huge effort in furthering my studies. I often ask myself too, why is that I wanna study this subject? And the answer came in slowly, and i kinda grasp the idea late, as usual, haha.

I know that, by having this degree, I can find better employment, in much better company. And with the knowledge I gain here, I will bring it back, hoping that somehow, some way, my knowledge can be used for the betterment of the life of my countrymen, and I have no intention of failing no matter how weak my knowledge is.

Before I came here, I was actually in a rush, and I dont had much time telling most of my friends. Well, I am quite a quiet person anyway, and as soon I attained the visa from VHF, I purchased the flying ticket on Friday evening, after coming back from MARA, and my mother had this small gathering between families on Saturday and I went off on Sunday.

There are lots, lots of people supporting me, and I admit, there are time, often that I doubt myself. I was never the same guy before,  and after SPM, and that stigma had definitely taken its toll on me, on my confidence and how bring myself in public and society, but as the experience accumulates, I started to walk out of the shell, slowly but surely, and I admit, the view is pretty much different out here, out of the small, limited confined shell.

Before I came here, there are lots of people that had supported me, friends and family. And as I came here, I met lotsa new people too, and new friends. The best thing about being minority in a big, vast country, we Malaysians tend to look out for each other, and like I always had people looking out for me not only in Glasgow, but in Malaysia as well, and I thanked God for blessing my journey, fate had made me meet all these wonderful people, and letting them be part of my life.

Masa ayah sampai, I had few things, beberapa persoalan that came into my mind, but I think I'll save it for some other times. For my friends who are going to having their convocation this time around of the year, I would like to take time to convey my congratulations to you guys, and this will be one of my motivations in performing better in studies too. For my beloved friends and family, thanks for supporting me, I cant thank you guys enough. You guys are my giants, and I will always love you guys, like I always had.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

New Phase

Ayah dah lama sangat nak kata ni...

"Let's go Glasgow!"

Love you guys, like I always had :-)

Friday, September 16, 2011

There's No Such Thing As Too Late...Kot

Orang selalu kata cinta itu buta, tetapi, sejauh mana kebenaran hakikat itu bukan bergantung pada mereka, tetapi faktor-faktor yang menyebabkan cinta itu disalah tafsir sehingga membutakan terletak pada diri kita yang , sememangnya, hakikatnya, lahiriahnya buta bukan pada mata, tetapi hati, tidak dapat menilai dan membezakan antara alumiminum dan titanium

Dalam hidup, yang singkat ini, kita sering mencintai, mendambakan insan yang salah, dan mengabaikan, mengasingkan insan yang benar-benar mencintai kita, penuh tulus dari hatinya yang suci. Kita selalu membuat pilihan yang salah, dan hanya sedar untuk betapa silapnya kita di penhujung sesuatu perjalanan.

dan ini anak-anakku; inilah kehidupan.

ayah sayang korang, serius, seperti selalu :-)

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Penulis= Penuh+Lisan

Assalamualaikum kids? I cant minds wandering awaaaay...haha, nah, its just dat ive overslept early in the evening, so dats why, gotta change my biological clock, reset it back to stereotypical normal.

Kids, I have many reason to write actually. Apart from all the obvious reasons, the oblivious ones and the many reasons to come that I may never find an actual category for it, one of the reason kids is that I simply love writing, and reading good essays. No, im not saying Im a good writer, is that, maybe, what I did here, is one of my attempts of contributing to doing the things that I like.

I have friends, closed ones asking me this:
"...tapi your blog are meant to be private. And I dont really feel comfortable letting people know about my life, i dont want my privacy to be invaded by unknown people. How come you let your blog become public?"

well, dat's one of the good questions, this is indeed private, but still what I wrote in this kids, is solely based on my judgment, my perspective on life, and I believe that one day when Im gone, hopefully you guys would spent maybe a little bit of your free time, taking a break from you, busy hectic schedule, to understand, to digest, and grasp a much clearer idea on how I had lived my life, and will be a turning point on how you will live yours. It's open to public, because when I write, I wrote about my experiences, that involves real people, people who are beloved to me, who I care so much and their existence definitely meant something to me, and I want them to know how I openly feel about them. There's no hatred, or sense of prejudice, and in case if there's any of my writing material offend any of my beloved friends and family, I stand corrected. Because, when I'm gone, no one will be able to edit any of this stuff.

I continued writing because....I just like it. I just enjoy expressing my ideas here, and have sum sort of illusion that maybe one day, someday you will log into the web and accidentally come across my blog, haha, how dramatic. But, I really wish I can just convey all the feelings bottled up in my chest directly to you, throughout my actions, but i was never good with kids. I admit I was never a good uncle, i never did any good things to your uncle iman, amirul, adam, and not to mention your aunt fatihah. I dont know why, to express my love for them was never easy, and no matter how much I cared, I just cant show it. And I hoped things will not be the same for us, and if it did, and if someday I end up in some old folks home, when Im bedridden, or my time on earth is almost up, you will realize, that, I for once in my life, had a great love, underlying my hard actions and egoistical talking. I may pretend like I dont care, but believe me, it was of my slightest intention of making you feel that way, because i only want the best and the good things for your fragile, short life.

I remembered back then, when it all started, my urge to write good essays came from reading all these books. You named it 'Permata yang Hilang', '85,956 Contoh-contoh Karangan Menusuk Kalbu Konon', 'Menekel Kertas Karangan', 'Essay for Dummies', dan 'Esei-esei Kacang Lagi Mudah', semua ayah baca, best gila, so when you read a good material, I guess its normal to produce your own one, and this are the materials I choose to write about; family, friends, love, life, and success.

Oh, recently I got this chance to further my studies, but dont know about it much. I just hope that I could get that qualification wanted and use the knowledge gained to help my countrymen, to contribute to society, maybe not as directly like doctors, nurses, or teachers, but I still believe that no matter how useless I am, there must be, at least the slightest bit, the smallest part in me that is useful to the society; and accomplishing that is my fardhu kifayah. And with God's grace may He help me in my quest for knowledge and all the endeavors I'll come upon, InsyaAllah.

No matter how high I fly, or how far we go in life, I will always love you, lovey-lovey you, like I always had.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Love....Arggggghhhh!!! Berapa Kali nak 'Love-love' ni!!!!!

Assalamualaikum kids? How's life? Well, what's wrong with title above? Oh well, i just assuming that maybe, maybe you guys had become fed up of my stories that usually revolves around love. Okay, i admit, I am hopelessly pathetic when it comes to love, but remember this, even the hardest of men respond to love, and I one of the few hard, macho men (ewaaahh) that well, responds...more, haha.

Kids, I never ever feel bored whenever I had this topic in my mind. Kalau time SPM karangan ada tajuk ni, dis wud surely be one of those few easy score-A subjects. But, nope, pembuat soalan SPM kertas 1 Bahasa Melayu dan Inggeris were never a hopeless romantic, but me, I try hardly only to find it surprisingly easy to include all these important factors in the essays.

Okay, let's get ourselves back together eh kids? I wanna talk about love today, so i dont care how many times I said it, i just feel like telling it. So, bear with me on dis one (and many, many-many more to come) *smile*

Recently, uncle's Sufian's girlfriend, well, maybe by the time you read this you guys should have called her Aunty Sarina (InsyaAllah) she had a friend, who had a strong desire for her beloved counterpart, only to be able to savour the few moments of breathtaking, refreshing experience with her beloved, an experience that I sure none of us would trade for anything in any part of this world, an experience that one could consider as short and brief, like a fading candle in the midst of the dark night. Tragically, the guy, whom she had a crush on had met with an accident few days before, and your Aunty Sarina was so busy trying to come up with comforting, reassuring, positive words and advice, but she too realized that as much as she wants to reassure her beloved friend, there's nothing much she can do about it; for Life and Death was never a predictable variable that we can control, meddle and interfere; it's the work of the divine Almighty and as His loyal, humble servant, the only we can do, we must do, is that accept it the way it is.

So, it was hard, she even asked my opinions and I too was clueless. But I know one thing, if this is to be were tackled from an engineering perspective, and considering the way I handle things with people's affair, it's best to be straight, honest, and polite. So, I tell her I too was clueless, and I may never feel whatever she's feeling right now, but I said to her too to not give up, and give in. God will not make you undergo certain test if you are not able and up to the challenge, and God is the best planner for He is the Almighty and only He knows His creation better than others.

My point is here is that, people, someone you love, will definitely come, and go as you progress, regardless their action of separating their life is sumthing they choose or not, but nevertheless, never give up, and as long as you breath, the bright side of life will definitely come; it's only a matter of time, and pace.

I had always feel this, the empty space in my heart, unlike Aunty Sarina's friend, unlike most of the cases, I cant seem to find the valuable, unique, piece of puzzle to complete the jigsaws of my hollow, cold heart. And the key that lies in holding the most awaiting piece of my heart lies in time. Yeah, time. Time is the best medicine to mend a broken heart, to make it all good again, time is the factor. And in my case and could be your case as well, it's just a matter of time. To my deep, innerself, to aunty Sarina's friend, to my fellow friends who are still in the quest of finding their soulmate, please, please....wait patiently for God will help us with our endeavours kerana apabila seseorang itu telah berkahwin, maka dia telah melengkapkan separuh dari agamanya. 

I will always love you guys, and please wait patiently until the day we met, like you always had :-)

Life's Brief Candle by Shakespeare

"To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing."

Thursday, September 1, 2011

The Independent Syawal

Assalamualaikum kids? How's life? This year around, the hari raya is intertwined with both raya and merdeka. So, as much as people said the importance of raya, the independent day shud never be neglected as well, tho I had to admit that dis year, the mood of independence is easily swallowed by the mood of the glittering Syawal.

And this year's syawal is pretty much the same like the past few rayas that I had, i'm in no mood for hari raya...yet, probably, but unlike previous raya where I had gone back to Kuala Pilah to see my aunty, it's pretty much the other way around for this raya.

This year, this raya, cant be quite life changing experience, a breath taking one to be exact....or not, oh well, it reaallly depends on how we look at certain matters, and for this, i prefer to view it in a much positive, enduring, exhilarating yet scary experience with a lots of dizziness and clumsiness squeezed in along the way, but nevertheless, I am really excited and I cant wait to see where the end of the road leads me to.

People had say this, wait, I invent this, "When love didnt turn out your way, it finds a better destination" and I believe this, I had faith that God had a better plan for all of us, it's up to us to realize it or stupidly, blind-foldedly to refuse the eye-poking truth and chances that we got.

And every....every one of us have the underlying potential, the unknown capability unbeknownst to the best of us, the ability to outshine, outbeat and outpace the strongest, siliest, darkest rival anyone could find. That's why we should never underestimate and undermine other people because what goes around comes around.

I have lots of things to say, but my mind seem to be so messed up like always. Lately I had undergone a medical checkup and I gained few kgs, oh well, that's normal, and I cant be thankful enuf to the Almighty for giving me  such wealthy health. I realize too, that in life, i was never thankful enuf, never ever feel satisfied with what I had in a negative aspect, and yet God had continue showering me with His blessings, and may I shall not be forgetful in the good or bad times. Enuf said, I will always love you guys, like I always had.

Wake Me Up When Ramadhan Comes Again...Apa? Dah Ramadhan!? Yey!

Assalamualaikum kids, em, how's life? How's fasting? Did i put up the rm1 as the reward for you guys who successfully able to fast per day? did you guys sumhow curi-curi makan along the way to school? Haha. i guess for time being im out of words. I always did, kan? :-)

Yeah, it's Ramadhan again. Life's pretty much back to basics again. Ramadhan, in the recent years had been a nostalgic month, a specific timeline of my life, a special one indeed, even there's much restriction during days, but there's much more we can achieve, as a muslim dat is. And why it had been a nostalgic one, i prefer to keep it to myself.

So, one of the common events dat we have in Ramadhan, apart from the mercun, semayang terawih, and not to mention there's no football in the evening at padang f, there's this one thing dat had become the highlight of Ramadhan and kids, dat is the bazaar in the evening.

Okay, this year, I am not much occupied last few years back, so on the 1s tday of Ramadhan, i managed to snuck out early from training and came to see what's the commotion all about; the ruckus; did the bazaar do live up its name which it deed in terms of price indeed, dan one of the things dat intrigues me is dat why the heck there are so many people open up stalls in taman melawati? you can see people setting up booths, erecting camps on the road curb, and not to mention that despite the traffic congestion caused by their stalls still attracts lots of customers; oh it's sumthing i'd call the wonders of Ramadhan, i guess.

So, you see, on the 1st day I went and 'dive' into the huge tides of people at the bazaar, i called my mom.

"mak, nak apa?"
"beli la seri muka, samosa ke, abang ko nak karipap"
"okay, nanti adik beli"

okay, karipap, seri muka, samosa...gotcha! and i make my way into the crowd. it was hard, as i pave my way from rows to rows, finding the right stall, not to mention i dont know how seri muka looks like, and the process didnt come easy, because there are so much people. and there are times i was stalled in one of the rows for like 3-5 minutes, kalah trafik jam mrr2, haha. Not to mention there are people who stand in the middle of the way, sum trying to go against the flow, sum are sweaty, sum are well...odoury, haha, and there's people begging for money, usually with a kid on her lap, which is sad sight, yet not healthy for the kid itself. I guess, this is part of life...wait, it is part of life!

I realize too, my life right now is pretty much the same with my 1st day in the bazaar ramadhan. Still clueless, still searching, wondering, and grasping for air, light, and direction of the glimpse of the divine, much higher power direction.

I dont know how it will turn up soon, but, I never feel like taking this fight off in the quest of a better life, a better way of dealing with people and my innerself, nevertheless, I do enjoy this never-tiring, never-ending process, may I find solace at the end of this looong, winding yet straight road, and with the huge love that I hardly show to you guys in the depth of my shallow heart, I will always love you, like I always had :-)

Friday, July 15, 2011

There are Different Definitions in Quitting

Salam kids, how's life? Me, well, im kinda sleepy, and the most important thing that i want to jot down today is that I have sent my letter of resignation. Yeah, im quitting from the company. No, it's not that I cant handle the pressure (or maybe i am? haha) but i can see that there is no career development from staying in the company, and I've grown accustomed to the working environment, so i think its best to get myself uncomfortable again, create a sense of urgency is what my fellow insepmates wud've said, haha. I have another interview tomorrow, and frankly speaking, i am not expecting much, only make good with this lil' moments before i enter into the 'battlefield' (kata je medan perang, but its more of a high school's common hall) which is nostalgically cool, and brings back memories of my schooldays, free of worries and how i longed to relive all the precious moments back then,and of course I wudve definitely made few changes that I to I wud. but, regrets is part of life, and sum people bring along the regrets as they move forward, they may be advancing thru, making small, decent paces in life, but their feet remain shackled with the past and guilt, perhaps, i too can be categorized in those few unlucky people. But, no matter how far you go into the future, no matter how far you have progress, it doesnt hurt to just for once in a while, embrace your nostalgic side, and look back at how much you've achieved, how further you've come.

Frankly speaking, this resignation had definitely made me think, about lotsa things, about my ambitions, about the things i wanna do in life, the things i wanna grasp as the carbon dioxide breathes out of my tiny, frangible lung, and I pray that I, you and me, we all, gonna live life to the fullest, and remember too to live in the moment.

I have things to do, now, better things dat is. And, i have come this far in life by the help of soooo many people, and for that, for all those good experiences, thank you very much. Enough lesson on life, let's play kids. If i kicked a ball directly onto your face, strictly remember it was unintentional and accidental, and I will always love you like I always had :-)

Sunday, July 10, 2011

If Love is Mathematics, I Pray dat I wont Fail Again

Assalamualaikum kids, how’s life? Haaa…ive been coming home lately, I hope by the time u guys read dis my life wudve been very stable that I can spend most of my time after 5 with you guys at home. I know dat ive been busy lately but as I take my usual drive home in the pitch dark surroundings, only to be enlighten by the dim neon light of my fading car headlamps had definitely made me reflects on lotsa things in life; the past especially, since the forward motion of the car as I step on the worn out accelerators slowly reaching 100km/h on the fastest lane as if I’ve been trying really hard to change, to leave all these unwanted memories, all these unwanted feelings, and my burning desire to change continues to deplete tremendously just like the petrol in the fuel container of the car; needed to be refueled, need to be reminded often, as always. 

Kids, I don’t know why, if you read most of my posts are usually about love, and dis is one of those subjects I often bring up, but as much I know it would bore and without a doubt making you guys realize that Im just a hopeless romantic, but let me say dis; it’s a feeling that cant be helped, not yet, not until the right moment strikes in, kay? You know, back then in school, girls and love are the most alienated topic I cudve discuss with my fellow friends, but as I grow up with the sudden urge of hormones and passion dat kicks in, it seems that the topics on games and entertainment had been superseded and obsolete, to certain extent dat is. Your mum is now my entertainment, and finding and waiting for her to come in my life will be one of the most anticipating, rewarding and meaningful thing i cud expect in my life rite now; but ive gotta admit, as my patience starts to run out, ill keep on reminding myself the time will come; the finishing line will be there, and it’s a matter of time, so what I can do right now I keep my heads up, keep on looking forward to the day I will actually meet her and in the meantime I’ll prepare and try to become a better person, for her, for myself, and for you guys :-)

Kids, ada kalanya Tuhan titipkan rasa kasih dan sayang dalam jiwa hanya untuk menyedari si dia tidak juga berperasaan demikian agar kita tidak lupa dalam keghairahan kita mengejar cinta hambaNya, cinta Dia lah yang harus kita kejar sedaya upaya.

I love you guys, like I always had.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Sesungguhnya Perancangan Allah itulah yang Terbaik Sekali

Assalamualaikum kids, how's life? Mine?'s really freakin' bz, dead beat serius. Lucky i have sum times to spend around, and to breath, grasping for the scarce air, haha, how melodramatic.

So kids, today, i dont wanna talk about my out-of-line-but-I-could-never-be-very-thankful for this job, as much i want to say the job's doesnt suit my line of study which is more towards aviation, my nature of work is now more...well, on the ground. Yeah, im currently working in a construction company, a contractor to be exact. Well, but few things dat made me reflect on the good things on the nature of job is dat ur uncle Sufian, yeah, he's working there too, and he's sitting in front of my desk. I think its kinda cool though that u be able to work with ur close friends, rather than to be sitting in alienated ambiance with unknown aliens, eh, strangers, haha, pun intended, yeah, one of my dry jokes, suck it up kids! :-)

Well, when I think of it back, God definitely had its way of helping us, His beloved servants, without them realizing it or not. Kids, sesungguhnya, perancangan Tuhan it yang terbaik sekali. Heed these words, especially when things didnt turn out the way we planned. If I have time I will gladly tell you why I think so.

Anyway, talking about making plans, I have few great plans in mind, and like I often failed in making it successful, I pray to God that this time I wont fail; wont fail to keep on going; wont fail to pursue my ambition; and wont fail to fall in love, but then again, when things didnt turn your way, my way, our way, remember this kids, remember this Hanafiah; sesungguhnya perancangan Allah itu yang terbaik sekali. And I will definitely try my best to not fail to embrace you guys in my arms, I love you, like I always had.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Random Thoughts at Random Moments

Sori, ayah rasa macam nak tulis lagi, tapi tak tahu nak tulis apa. 

Ayah sayang korang, seperti selalu.  

Sentiasalah Mencari Jalan untuk Memajukan Diri, Keluarga, Agama dan Bangsa

Assalamualaikum kids, how's life? Feeling good lately? Haha, apa lah yang ayah cakap kan ni, it's indeed sumthing dat I always asked ma-self, nevermind, lets get together now. I have few things in ma mind, like I always had, haha.

Kids, i realize that my time, the moments that I take, the efforts that I did to put all my annoying, looooong thoughts into this tiny space blog, is not always consistent. Well, thank God Ive been busy lately, the company had this new project coming in, and ur uncle Sufian is in charge of it. Well, maybe one of these days I bring you guys there, if i had time :-)

You see, in life, you should always define success, and make sure the definition is updated from time to time as you reach every milestone of your success. Like for example, I wanna become an engineer, and until one day, with God's grace you've become one, u have to redefine it like 'I wanna become a project engineer' or et cetera, sumthing like dat. Never get complacent with what u have.

And remember as you pave your way to success, bring, force, take, grab by whatever means to push your beloved family and friends together with you on your way top because kids, the view on the top, is not meant to be watched alone; it's to be shared with your loved ones.

And pray to God, that as you contribute to your family, not only you will contribute to the local society, to every makcik-pakcik in the neighborhood, the nenek-nenek and datuk-datuk dat which you know you can make a difference in their life, maybe not now, maybe after they had gone, but no matter whatever good deeds u did, God knows, and He knows everything and you could say this blog is one of my ways, small method of making an impact, create sense of motivation, to make a difference in your life once Im gone.

Its kinda pathetic to say these, but right now, im still in the process of finding my definition of success. I dont know what it is yet, but I hope i will find one. I love you kids, I will always do. Like I've always had. :-)

Saturday, May 7, 2011


Aku yakin aku boleh (merealisasikan setiap impian) insyaAllah, dan ... terima kasih banyak.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Pride Comes Before a Fall, not Autumn or Summer :-)

Assalamualaikum kids? How’s life? Well, like I always said, its really nice seeing u guys again, yeah, like I always said too, Im just busy, and as much as I enjoy writing, and again, hitting the board as I search my mind for any glimpse of remorse and guilt, or perhaps if im lucky enuff there’s joy to share but surely most of the time is pain, suffer, and killing (ganas eh?), there are just not enuf time, oh im just too damn lazy to hit it, ahha, please don’t be lazy okay, I dunt want u to inherit any of my negative traits.

There are times I think too much about the future, but, when it comes to ur future, I don’t think there’s no question as too much. I am the kind of guy who’d like to plan ahead, making plans with whom im gonna get married, where im gonna live, how much salary can I bring back home every month, planning to further my education, or where im gonna work at, but  I often ask myself; where the heck im gonna be in the next 5-10 years from now. Am I still gonna become an engineer, or God had a better plans for me? Will I get my master’s degree? Or just continue the way I am..will I gain more experience or lie, being permanent member of the NEET? And as much im thinking too much, the future is indeed coming near, those five, 10 years feels like around the corner, and suddenly I never made any decisions at all, thus, the only thing I cud see, that I cud differentiate is my performance, my skills, my knowledge, how I bring myself in society and compare them with my fellow friends. And believe me, as u grow up, u developed this few people around u that u wish u cud be friends, but somehow u ended up challenging them, and their presence is a gud form of stress, a positivity in negativity, a kind of force that encourages and motivates you to go on, and not giving up, but somehow u cant be friends with them and ask them to join for lepak or going to the surau together, or borrow money or seek his attention whenever problem arises becos u  have pride and asking them will only not lower ur self esteem but shattering ur pride as well; only if u have this feelings whenever u meet that person, guys, its time u work ur ass out because, ur rival, ur challenger had just arrived :-)

But ironically, there’s a saying my teacher had once said which is ‘pride comes before a fall’ which si true to certain extent, or maybe on certain type of pride. Haha, whu wudve tot that pride also had its own specifications and classifications. This was one of the sayings that I often think about, the contradiction to the infamous stereotypical perspective the society had always instilled in me made me think that life, like I had always said, apart from the religious aspects, the degree of correction is different between people and it vary according to the situation, thus its crucial for us to be balanced, and flexible as we proceed with our drastic life :-)

The Few Things I Saidzzz :-)

Assalamualaikum kids, hows life? Fine? Well, I hope u will always in the pink of health. Me? I was never quite the healthy kid I wished I was, there are always few days in those everlasting month that I had to go to the overly crowded, overly stuffed patients, overly duty and over-extending employees, over-stressed doctors, overly outdated general hospital kuala lumpur

Kids, I wonder why in this night, I make my way thru the overly crowded, overly stuffed, overly congested room just to type the few things I wish to ramble, and thus hoping by doing so, my mind would get back, standing of its two hypothetical, unseen, energized feet yet as much as I want to achieve the hard-to-achievable things by doing unexpectedly normal thing without putting any extra effort that cud spark sum overly (okay, dis is the last ‘overly’ I promised!) motivation, not surprisingly if I said that this time, just like the nature had overtaken me in long lecture class, the nature had almost had an astonishing win on me, on my dizzying eyes to be exact.
I cant keep up with dizz unwanted feelizzzng but I wiz try hardezzzz, I will noz sleeeeppppzzzzz….z i wizzz alwayzzz zove zou zikze awayzzz hazzz…krrohhh….. (I will always love you like I always had)   

Backstreets Back, Alright!!!

Assalamualaikum kids? How’s life? I am not doing so well now, yeah, I felt really down recently, I don’t even know why, maybe it’s the unemployment I guess. U know, its really important to maintain the mood, its really good for ur soul, u guys shud always watch out whenever u felt stress, or overwhelmed about anything that matters, no matter how trivial the matter is, it aint sum small matter if it bothers u too much, haha.

I don’t know why recently I kept listening to evergreen love songs, the boyband songs, (yeah, ur dad listens to boyband, at this time phrase of life im not sure what ur mum really like tho, but im sure whatever her taste of music is, id be very delighted to criticize and be part of it too :-) ).
Hmm, u know why its important to keep ur mood constant all the time, I mean not alwaya being static, but rather being more consistent in how u portray ur feelings, ur body language and ur facial expression speaks the most than ur verbal communication no matter how good u are in ur mothertonge language or any other lingua franca.  U kept saying ‘its okay’, ‘im fine’, ‘daijoubu’ (‘im fine’ in Japanese) or other hypocritically forgiven phrases that u said to pass by, to go thru dat unwanted situation. People knows, they are not stupid, we are not stupid too, and the first act of intelligence whenever u’re having this kind of situation, whenever u feel the world is putting the burden on ur tiny scapula, shoulder bones, and suddenly ur joints starts to wear out, and age, or any other unexpected, predictable, unknown factors that comes into play, remember first to savour the pain, yeah savour it! Admit that ure having this pain, and feel every burden, every force that is now distributed accordingly and further enhanced by the gravitational force on every inch of your frangible bones, and let every ounce of ur energy is channeled for the right purpose; which is to sustain this soon to be unbearable weight if u keep holding on to it.

Lets back to physics, okay guys? If u were to be  burdened with heavy weight and ad to carry it on both of your shoulders, what would you do? What would you do when the burden had eaten up every ounce of energy you had? Well, after you realize this, it’s time to find methods to resolve it. Well, this hypothetical burden could be vanish in lots of…well, hypothetical solutions. U just have to be creative and maybe if u can, put aside ur egos or ur pride that blocks u from proceeding.  In order to solve it, we could share the burden together with our beloved, our family and friends too, they are part of your crew, so don’t hesitate to ask. All you need to do is open your mouth and speak up, u’ll be amazed at how willing they can be. 
I will always love you like I always had :-)

Hmm, A Dead End Perhaps? NOT!

Assalamualaikum Hanafiah….hmm..i know things don’t seem to be working out, and the following week seems to be hectic for most of us, and not to mention that I am crawling in the darkness of night, and as much I wanted to have the eyes of a nocturnal animal wud have, not to mention that my eyesight is deteriorating rapidly throughout these years, I am now trying to find a way, looking for every, small fracture of light glimpse in this emblazoning darkness, haha, okay it may seem exaggerating, but u surely cant help it when most of your friends are moving forward, making achievements, and while I am still crawling, sum of my friends had already started running. Next week, I got an interview for this company, well, for a position I don’t really quite wanted, but the people around me, are pressing me to, and it made me reconsider; what do I have to lose? I’ll gain experience, and if im succeed I will gather all myself together and started working on my hidden, selfish yet self-satisfying agenda. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

There are often things that made me wonder sumtimes; why do I write my own blog? Why do I make effort to jot all these unwanted ideas and who will read it? Only girls write blog about their personal life; and I am here doing this feminist, un-masculine thingy, well…I got admit tho, but for some reasons, apart from all the things Ive mentioned earlier, I just feel like the need to open up to sumbody, or nobody, or just find a medium to write, to remind not anyone else but myself in the future the thoughts, valuable experiences that I ought to forget at times.

And, writing is just the best way of expressing my …. Just a sign that im currently weak right now, and mystically, again, for sum unknown reasons,  I tend to get the ball rolling back whenever I jot things down here. I believe good things will come. I just need to be a little bit more patient and pray for the good things to come. I…I believe I can be a very successful person and I believe I can, you guys can, all my friends can help people, and contribute to society in future, insyaAllah, like Ive always had wished.