Assalamualaikum kids? I cant sleep...my minds wandering awaaaay...haha, nah, its just dat ive overslept early in the evening, so dats why, gotta change my biological clock, reset it back to stereotypical normal.
Kids, I have many reason to write actually. Apart from all the obvious reasons, the oblivious ones and the many reasons to come that I may never find an actual category for it, one of the reason kids is that I simply love writing, and reading good essays. No, im not saying Im a good writer, is that, maybe, what I did here, is one of my attempts of contributing to doing the things that I like.
I have friends, closed ones asking me this:
"...tapi your blog are meant to be private. And I dont really feel comfortable letting people know about my life, i dont want my privacy to be invaded by unknown people. How come you let your blog become public?"
well, dat's one of the good questions, this is indeed private, but still what I wrote in this kids, is solely based on my judgment, my perspective on life, and I believe that one day when Im gone, hopefully you guys would spent maybe a little bit of your free time, taking a break from you, busy hectic schedule, to understand, to digest, and grasp a much clearer idea on how I had lived my life, and will be a turning point on how you will live yours. It's open to public, because when I write, I wrote about my experiences, that involves real people, people who are beloved to me, who I care so much and their existence definitely meant something to me, and I want them to know how I openly feel about them. There's no hatred, or sense of prejudice, and in case if there's any of my writing material offend any of my beloved friends and family, I stand corrected. Because, when I'm gone, no one will be able to edit any of this stuff.
I continued writing because....I just like it. I just enjoy expressing my ideas here, and have sum sort of illusion that maybe one day, someday you will log into the web and accidentally come across my blog, haha, how dramatic. But, I really wish I can just convey all the feelings bottled up in my chest directly to you, throughout my actions, but i was never good with kids. I admit I was never a good uncle, i never did any good things to your uncle iman, amirul, adam, and not to mention your aunt fatihah. I dont know why, to express my love for them was never easy, and no matter how much I cared, I just cant show it. And I hoped things will not be the same for us, and if it did, and if someday I end up in some old folks home, when Im bedridden, or my time on earth is almost up, you will realize, that, I for once in my life, had a great love, underlying my hard actions and egoistical talking. I may pretend like I dont care, but believe me, it was of my slightest intention of making you feel that way, because i only want the best and the good things for your fragile, short life.
I remembered back then, when it all started, my urge to write good essays came from reading all these books. You named it 'Permata yang Hilang', '85,956 Contoh-contoh Karangan Menusuk Kalbu Konon', 'Menekel Kertas Karangan', 'Essay for Dummies', dan 'Esei-esei Kacang Lagi Mudah', semua ayah baca, best gila, so when you read a good material, I guess its normal to produce your own one, and this are the materials I choose to write about; family, friends, love, life, and success.
Oh, recently I got this chance to further my studies, but dont know about it much. I just hope that I could get that qualification wanted and use the knowledge gained to help my countrymen, to contribute to society, maybe not as directly like doctors, nurses, or teachers, but I still believe that no matter how useless I am, there must be, at least the slightest bit, the smallest part in me that is useful to the society; and accomplishing that is my fardhu kifayah. And with God's grace may He help me in my quest for knowledge and all the endeavors I'll come upon, InsyaAllah.
No matter how high I fly, or how far we go in life, I will always love you, lovey-lovey you, like I always had.