Thursday, October 20, 2011

Random Thoughts....Like Again

Assalamualaikum kids? How's life? Today, we're gonna approach life, from maybe a slightly different perspective, another angle, so that we will always have this new, up and fresh ideas about things dat happen in our daily life. And today, I feel like giving sum sort of inspirational talk, as a boost to your self esteem, as well improving mine. Lets roll.

Rasulullah SAW bersabda, “Sampaikanlah dari ku walaupun hanya satu ayat.” Hadis Riwayat Ahmad, Bukhari, Tarmidzi. dan sayang sekali, dalam keghairahan ayah menekan kekunci keyboard selama ini, jarang sekali ayah menyampaikan pesanan dan dakwahnya.  Maka maafkan ayah; Ill try better next time.

Kita semua mengejar cinta, mengejar pasangan hidup yang kita dambakan. Apabila kamu kembali ke tempat asal kamu, ayah nak kamu pergi berjumpa sesiapa, sesiapa sahaja, dan katakan yang kamu sukakan mereka, katakan kamu cintakan mereka, dan ingin menghabiskan masa kamu pada masa hadapan bersamanya, dan pastikan orang itu bukan ahli keluarga kita; orang asing semestinya, dan katakan di tengah khalayak ramai.

Tidak masuk akal? Gila? Sememangnya! 

Tapi apa rasionalnya ayah menyuruh kamu berbuat demikian? Ketika kita terlalu asyik mengungkapkan kata cinta pada hambaNya, kita jarang sekali mengucapkan rasa cinta pada Penciptanya; dan ingat lah juga, ketika hambaNya sentiasa menolak cinta kita, Allah tidak pernah sekali menolak rasa kasih kita padaNya dan pintu taubat itu sentiasa terbuka.

I dont really have many other things to say currently except the fact that, I may had not become a good father thruout the years, and I cant help but saying sorry profusely; dan mengatakan setiap yang buruk itu datangnya dari kelemahan ayah sendiri. 

Love you guys, will always, like I always had :-) 

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Another Chance I Guess

Ada orang pernah bertanya pada ayah, kenapa kita sentiasa menagih cinta apabila kita sedar bahawa cinta itu membutakan? dan dalam keghairahan kita mengejar cinta, kita terlalu taksub dengannya sehingga kita mengalpakan cinta dariNya. Apabila cinta hambaNya tidak lagi dapat kita tagihi, kita lantas menadah tangan meminta kepadaNya agar kembali ke dalam terjerumus dalam keadaan yang pada dasarnya kita fikir tidak berdosa malahan ramai yang mengelarnya sebagai cinta sejati, tetapi sebenarnya hanyalah suatu fasa sementara dan alasan untuk kita bergelumang dengan nafsu; dan lebih pelik lagi, walaupun kita sedar dengan setiap keburukan dan kekurangan yang akan kita hadapi, KENAPA kita masih memilih cinta itu? Ketepikan buat sementara kisah orang lain, ini cerita kita, cerita ayah pada anak-anaknya dengan tujuan memberi iktibar, dan memikirkan kembali pengalaman lalu, betapa sesatnya ayah ketika itu, betapa patutnya terjadi perkara yang terjadi itu terjadi peristiwa yang sangat memalukan; setiap kejadian itu ada hikmahnya, dan ini adalah peringatan pada diri ayah sendiri, supaya jangan terlalu ghairah mengejar cinta yang tidak pasti, sehingga mengorbankan prinsip dan peribadi seorang muslim. Ayah cuba tak buat lagi. Ayah sentiasa sayangkan kamu , like I always had.

Monday, October 17, 2011

It's Kinda Cole Eh?

Assalamuaalaikum kids? How's life? Its kinda cold eh? Nope? Haha, must be the weather here...I guess. Hmm, what shall we talk about today? I dont really have any ideas tho, not now I guess. Its pretty much the same when people ask me questions and for sum unknown reason, i find myself clenching my fist just to get the right answers thru, but in normal conditions, under normal situations without any circumstances, my mind when faaaar, as far as I could reach, and suddenly the world is indeed, metaphorically speaking, is sumthing i grasp on.

People, friends, family, and new friends I met along the way had always ask me this; "WHY?", "KENAPA?" or maybe in a much colloquial manner "AWAT HANG MAI SINI? CUBA HABAQ CEK SKET!?" or for east coast people "MU TUBIQ SINI NAK GOCOH GAPO?" er...okay, ayah hentam je dat last part, nevertheless it gets the point thru.

There are many things that I mentioned here, wait...maybe all of them, all of the "hybrid theory" (this is actually a name for one of Linkin Park's hit album, so pun intended) can be find, at the basic of Islam, niat, or nawaitu kita. Apakah nawaitu ayah ketika hadir ke sini? sightseeing? cari awek mat salleh? mungkin ada, haha, taak, of course not, tapi I have my reasons, my niat, my nawaitu, and that is to seek knowledge so that, with God's grace I will have that qualification and knowledge to work in the energy sector and other things but I prefer to keep it to myself for the time being.

As I enrolled in this course, as i enter this country, my sense of awareness of energy, heat, and environment had increased tremendously. And all the energy-related issues suddenly kicks in, and I start to have certain views and ideas, which may seem rhetorically rubbish in this early stage, but still, lets just say its a beginning of sumthing great, haha

People too had ask me this "kenapa pegi sana? Bawa diri ke?" or "tu la, tgk Hanafiah dah merajuk bawa diri ke sana" or sumthing similar I guess. Well, I cant say much about it, and I wont deny it either, I admit that sum part of me is frustrated, maybe annoyed or seems to be a bit tense about I dont know, maybe employment or sumthing, maybe about not being able to do sumthing real, I admit a part of me feels like I played too much, too much that I may had take this opportunity to run from my friends' success when me myself a failure, when I didnt do much, maybe by taking this course, it gives me sum time to get all my shit together, all the messed up and failures, all the times that I had spending making the journey on the wrong path in life, maybe this is just another way for me to retrack back to life. I just dont know kids, there are times I felt so lost, and quite many times I asked myself  "Why the heck did I came here in the 1st place? Dah la bayar mahal, makan susah, buang air susah, lecturer cakap satu apa pun tak faham, belajar benda baru, susah lak lagi!" okay, i exaggerate a bit, but there are times i do felt dat way.

When I came to Glasgow, the sunday on the 1st week I reached there, I met my lecturer, En Hafizi. He said this to me "Tiada apa yang mudah, dan kelemahan kita orang Melayu ialah cepat sangat untuk mengatakan tidak boleh, mudah mengalah, ini adalah sesuatu yang perlu kita ubah" or sumthing similar. I know many people had said this, even similar, but maybe during that situation I cant help but to reaaally heed his words; and kids, never ever feel afraid of the unknown and uncertainties, because you are not alone, I had been there, and I am still figuring my way out, but unfortunately, the process and the experience that I had here is sumthing that is beyond my limited vocabulary. I am still searching the answers to all the questions, but I know one part of the questions; I AM NOT RUNNING AWAY! I believe this is one of God's will, one of His ways answering to my prayer of wanting to improve and finding a way for the sake of bettering myself.

I really need to find your mum soon. Part of the answers lie within her, and you guys too. I will always love you guys like I always had.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

From Glasgow with Cold, Kilt, and er...Wind Turbines?

Assalamualaikum kids? How's life? Em, for me things are doing fine here....I guess, to certain extend that is. Life's kinda cool here, er, cold here, and as much I hated cold back then in Malaysia, i find myself adapting quite well with the extreme, silap, temperature here (pressure pun ada sebenarnya :-D).

Back then, after SPM, i dont know what you guys will call it later, but mine was dat, and it never occurred to me to ever further my studies here. Ever since I failed my SPM miserably, the only thing dat came in my mind is what, or where I am going to further my studies, without having to put real burden on my mum, and the man question dat came next is how? The second question is the hardest to find, to solve, because with my qualifications, and grades, I pretty much sure there are not any place available for me.

I tried applying for matriculation course, swearing that if i got the same chance again I will not screw it up, because back then, it was the cheapest method I can get, and life was not easy back then as lots of things happened. I was really worried, ur wan (orang negri panggil wan) was worried as well. Deep down I realized that I had screw things up, it was my fault, for taking the chances that I get for granted, and here I am suffering the consequences. But it looks like fate had not allow me to take the path and I didnt get the chance for matriculation.

So, with screwed up mind in my head, I came across an advertisement on the paper; it was about study exhibition, MARA study expo. I hesitated, but thinking maybe I might as well check it out; who knows what fate had in its store for me. So, with few of my friends, and uncle Shauki, I went there, we check things out. And I came across UniKL for the first time, and heard about its matriculation, or foundation course, which they refer as Foundation in Engineering Technology and its located in Kolej MARA Kulim, Kedah. I applied, and the following week I received the reply, and I got it. I brought it up to ur wan and things are all good again.

And now, after a year graduating from UniKL Malaysian Institute of Aviation Technology, I was pretty much jobless, I went to few training like INSEP, and TeSSDE program, and I managed to work in Kemuncak Pesaka with your uncle Sufian for two months and a half I guess. Thinking back of the experience that I go through, the huge number of interviews which I rarely succeed, and the ups and down in the past few years, not to mention that searching for ur mum can be quite a pain in the ass, I cant be more thankful, I cant be.

Before I make the decision to come here, I often ask myself why is it relevant for me to fork out lotsa money, and put on huge effort in furthering my studies. I often ask myself too, why is that I wanna study this subject? And the answer came in slowly, and i kinda grasp the idea late, as usual, haha.

I know that, by having this degree, I can find better employment, in much better company. And with the knowledge I gain here, I will bring it back, hoping that somehow, some way, my knowledge can be used for the betterment of the life of my countrymen, and I have no intention of failing no matter how weak my knowledge is.

Before I came here, I was actually in a rush, and I dont had much time telling most of my friends. Well, I am quite a quiet person anyway, and as soon I attained the visa from VHF, I purchased the flying ticket on Friday evening, after coming back from MARA, and my mother had this small gathering between families on Saturday and I went off on Sunday.

There are lots, lots of people supporting me, and I admit, there are time, often that I doubt myself. I was never the same guy before,  and after SPM, and that stigma had definitely taken its toll on me, on my confidence and how bring myself in public and society, but as the experience accumulates, I started to walk out of the shell, slowly but surely, and I admit, the view is pretty much different out here, out of the small, limited confined shell.

Before I came here, there are lots of people that had supported me, friends and family. And as I came here, I met lotsa new people too, and new friends. The best thing about being minority in a big, vast country, we Malaysians tend to look out for each other, and like I always had people looking out for me not only in Glasgow, but in Malaysia as well, and I thanked God for blessing my journey, fate had made me meet all these wonderful people, and letting them be part of my life.

Masa ayah sampai, I had few things, beberapa persoalan that came into my mind, but I think I'll save it for some other times. For my friends who are going to having their convocation this time around of the year, I would like to take time to convey my congratulations to you guys, and this will be one of my motivations in performing better in studies too. For my beloved friends and family, thanks for supporting me, I cant thank you guys enough. You guys are my giants, and I will always love you guys, like I always had.