Tuesday, November 16, 2010

As a Cow, Today is the Day I Die with Glory! Salam Aidil Adha

Salam Hari Raya Aidil Adha…wow…its ironic that despite this festive day that most of us look forward to; not just becos we wanted to have a day off, but also to be in the arms of great companions and enjoy delicious, great food, my mood is nowhere to be seen, im lost but im not out of words and the sentence slowly accumulated as I stroke every piece of the letters on this keyboard, thus what im jotting down is spontaneous, impromptu, it came out at the spur of moment of my mind that ironically again seems to be wandering somewhere else. Well, as long as u can produce a result, who gives an elf about the process and methodology, we’re not writing a final year project thesis here, its just sum blog on the net that was at first dedicated for an anonymous person like I am to ramble anything that was bothering my mind, but somehow it evolved as something more; rather than just a blog, it became a a small corner in this vast cyberspace that perhaps even it is too small to be noticed by others, but its sufficient enough for me, sufficient enough to contain all the feelings I wished I had conveyed, it’s also an estranged, mysterious entity that will hear all the things I wish I could preach or conveyed easily but due to lots of circumstances or maybe perhaps its just that my mind tot too much, well, I always think too much, like I always had.

Ps: did I just write the entire paragraph using only 2 sentences? Haha, I did babble a lot, well, suck it up guys, im your pa after all :-)

Assalamualaikum kids, how’s life? Today’s actually Hari Raya Aidil Adha, yup, korban! Sweeet eh? Not only you get a day off but u get to eat your delicious mummy’s cooking and the daging korban too. Wait, what did your mother cook? Hope she didn’t get u guys sum unhealthy fast food eh? Haha.

There are lotsa morals u can cook up from hari raya aidil adha, not only just cow body parts excluding the horn and testicles, haha. Like its name implies, hari raya korban…is about sacrifice, and the intention of doing so is indeed sacred. The cows that were slaughtered will not go to waste but to be given to the poor and the unfortunates. 

The important spirit of sacrifice if to be viewed from a perspective in life; for me could be described in lots of ways. Sacrificing lots of things for lots of things. I cant really elaborate much except that when the time comes, u guys will know when to initiate it and when you do so, u will do it without regrets. And I pray that you will take each path in life without any sense of regrets, like I always had wished :-)

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Choosing Songs, Choosing Love, Choosing Death..Well, U Cant Choose the Last Two

Assalamualaikum kids? How’s life? Well, I don’t really feel like talking about myself today, well yeah u can guess, I just don’t have the mood but my urge to write, the sensation whenever I stroke each sentence on the keyboard just one of the feelings I’d like to feel whenever Im down, aside from feeling the breeze onto my face whenever I went for a jog, but just like the a robot with the greatest efficiency, my time is now, only it is much more frequent.

Recently, one of my friends, no, wait…lots of my friends came knocking some serious, heart throbbing senses that well occurred due to unexpected situation that I instigated, the certain atmosphere I created in order to calm myself, to discuss the outcome of certain problems that we had, but like most radio channels that we often switch whenever we wanted to listen to a song, but somehow the only thing that they often played was the unwanted, annoying, effing songs, well, the analogy of searching, the great quest for everlasting love could much more be described that way.

Well, how could we euphemize such tragic, eventful situations that rarely occur in our life with the most common thing that we often do? Well, here goes. Just imagine, the one you would like to have, ur mr or mrs right is somewhere out there, just like a song you always longing to hear, to feel every part of its beat, every rhythm, making efforts to memorize every bits of its lyrics, the joy of hearing is so sensational as the passion making its way into ur core, pure heart. 

Thus, u want to hear those kinda songs, but as you progress from a channel to another, your efforts seem to be fruitless, but not meaningless, becos you may get to hear other songs too, but its just not THAT song. So, you continue searching, and often you find hearing about advertisements, or hearing the deejay craping, or crack a stupid joke, or well if you selected certain frequency you’ll be delighted with motivations and tazkirah,  you kept on searching, and continue hoping you’ll find it, but the reason you cant find it is not because you’re not making enough effort, it’s just you changed the channel at the wrong time, sometimes you kept on selecting for ten, dozen channels, but none of them are to ur liking, and in the end you just had to be satisfied with the song that was in the air at that moment. U may not get the best song for you, but it was the best for you at that moment, and God had chosen that song for you to hear, and like the wise had always said, the deejay know the listeners better :-)

There are so many things in life that I wish I could convey, to make a simile, a comparison between an event with the daily things using one of the uncountable God’s greatest creations that is the mind, the human brain, the medulla oblongata (of course im just stating things here) or whatever force that enabled us to be incredibly, magnificently sane, so damn good and mysteriously, enchantingly enticing that it attracts others into conducting one’s actions, but as much as I want to convey my weird, unique ideas to the whole world, and creating lots of other similes, I realized that you were wrong when you start to compare God’s miraculous, wondrous creation with His servant’s tiny puny little ‘toys’ which indeed requires huge amount of force, a numerous work, lotsa force calculations, insane understanding of computer programming and the big, cold bucks in order to achieve what He had achieve thus making us  realize that the greatness, the superiority of Allah, the creator of all.

And kids, by the time Im no longer around, please beg for His mercy to spare me from all the unwanted accumulated sins and wrath of hellfire. From Him I had come, and to Him I shall return. I love you guys, no matter how weird a father I had become during my lifetime, and will always do so, like ive always had.  

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Back to the Basic of All Basic

Assalamualaikum Hanafiah? How’s life? I hope ure in the pink of health, like we always had wanted, and yeah, when health no longer shines its ray upon our frangible body, and as our physicals were in the twilight years, the remnants of every breath is as crepuscular as the diminishing sunlight in the western hemisphere; the undeniable truth that we no longer strong, not capable like we used to be struck our about-to-be bald head and even we’re starting to feel all this wonderful and thankful feeling of able growing old but still we cant deny about the stereotypical worries in our golden age and it somehow bothers me, well…lets worry about it later, when we're really old. Like my friend had once advised us “keep ur priorities straight”. We have other issues to resolve today, now. Like what uve always told me, don’t put off things u can do today for tomorrow, dan like u’ve always accompany every advice u gave with this statement; sesungguhnya itu adalah nasihat utk kita berdua :-) 

Assalamualaikum kids? How’s life? Frisking cool? Not? Well, I hope ure guys are fine, becos ive been down that road, it wasn’t suck, its just that it wasnt a pretty sight...well I just realize I love to have friends around. And if I was, I wasn’t spending much time writing here, haha, well, as I grow up, thanks to ur uncle Sufian, uncle Hafiz, uncle Zhafril, uncle Adam and lots more people that im unable to state here, I had started to come out of the cocoon and became more outgoing, more social, more adaptive and open to the fact that just bcos u make friends with women, its not a bad thing, just know ur limit, and if u don’t, its time to back to the basic, the very basic guidance that I used too, the basic that most of people in my era forgot to follow including me in the first place, the simplest guideline, yet the hardest to follow due to well, the reason may seems to be unbeknownst to some of us, but the truth is probably we just didn’t see it; becos we see what we wanted, and as soon as we realized it, its already too late and that basic guidance my beloved is the Holy Quran. Whenever ure stuck in life, feeling down, or lost your way as you sail thru the tides of big, monstrous tsunami, entangled complicatedly between doing wrong and right things, fear not my beloved kids for this holy book is the guideline to u guys to be back on your smelly, cute yet flimsy feet and pray to the Almighty as you put in humongous amount of sweaty effort to get yourself together and may He granted what you had always pray for, like He always had.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Aint a Fishmonger, But I Just Like Fishes

Assalamualaikum Hanafiah, how's life? Haha, i hope the best for you. I am speechless now, but that doesnt mean im not rooting and praying for your success in life, God bless you my friend.

Assalamualaikum kids? How’s life? Its been quite some time since I last wrote something, but nevermind, maybe ive always babble to you about how  my mind is always occupied with things, well, it seems they still are, haha, and it’ll continue even worse. Trying to be a responsible grown up seems to be really hard compared to my younger days. Heavy thoughts started to bombard my tiny, limited space brain lobes as early as I wake up in the morning. Before I could proceed, there are things I need to clarify, things that I need to tell, that had been in my chest for quite sometime. I wanted to admit that I am full of negativities, there are lots of things that I need to rectify in order for me to be able soaring up the sky alongside the flocks of few good men that ive always wanted to join, which right now it seems impossible because I’m still searching for myself. I wanted to tell how selfish I was, yeah selfish, ikan kering, ikan kembong, pari, all that good stuff u guys like to eat, ahha, okay enough joke. That is just the fact I am, and changing that fact seems to be so hard right now, but I hope with God’s grace, when u guys came I will no longer be the selfish custard I was.

Recently, a person comes knock that hard-to-digest truth and shove it straight up to my face, and I was vomiting with anxiety and nervousness and my self defense mechanism was only the ‘haha’ that I replied via yahoo messenger. Well, that’s obviously one of the positive side having the massive information library or the advance technology of communication so called ‘internet’ at your fingertip, and what they told you about truth, just like its good-for-nothing, son-of-a-gun, lifelong buddies, bff, wtf, ‘love’ or whatever they call it today; ‘love-before-marriage’, ‘unrequited love’ and its close complementing counterpart ‘truth’ hurts, like hell, well that’s kinda overrated, but hell yeah!

I am indeed selfish, and Im sorry, there are lots of examples, lots of things that I had done, lotsa testis…er testimonials from lotsa witness that make up as evidence to all this accusations that I received, and as much as I want to be the cool-bad-ass guy that hot chick had always fallen for, I am indeed NOT. I am lame, weak, a jerk and I admit that but Im trying to change it. Few things that I learned about changes are that it is not as easy as ABC, but its also not impossible. And as person who had always see this as an unofficial challenge, or maybe because its just my ego talking, I really want to prove at least myself that ‘if I manage to change, it will not only benefit me, but also other people as well’. With this mindset, im pushing it forward. I know, I should’ve not done that, being selfish and all but I have to admit that, I do enjoy writing these, not for the sake amusement, but as a lesson for me to steer myself better before making my way into someone’s heart.

And u guys, the pro bono lawyers that will set me free from all these false accusations with your loud, in-the-middle of night cry, with smelly, unwanted dirty diapers, hungry stomach, and annoying-yet-cute curiosity that will make any bar exam seems trivial enough and will make me prove not to anyone but my sorry self that I will not be a selfish person, insyaAllah.

And I seriously don’t know what to say from now on… things are not good lately, im jobless, talking about having you kids seem to be a very distant, impossible dream that I’ll never have, and lots of other things that made me felt very pulled down, thus standing same level with my friends seems to take huge effort and great motivation. If people said I had achieved stability in life, well, i hope what theyre saying is true. I wish us the best in life, and I could only pray things will become all good and we’ll get along again, and with God’s grace I’ll get by somehow, like I’ve always had :-)