Precious Glass is Already Shattered

Assalamualaikum kids, how's life? It's been quite a while since I last updated my stories. I was yeah, the normal stuff, busy with things and juggling all the tasks together. So, recently, I saw one of my friends, mentioning that woman is like a glass.

And I was like...speechless, again. No, please, from now onwards, there are many times I will be speechless, but you could never interpret it as something wrong or fishy; I just feel like keeping silent because this is the time that I believe is just to best shut up and speak ignorantly. But then again, I kept on writing, tak tahu kenapa.

Woman are like glass. I...am sorry, but I could never seem to fully agree with this idea. People have different opinions, and ideas, while mine...just seems to be more selfish at times.

If woman were to be as fragile as a glass, empty, easily scratched, easily broken, made lots of noise at the small expense, can be shaped and tempered at much lower temperature, can be find as easy as everywhere, no values whatsoever, only to be thrown out after it's already shattered because the idea of keeping a shard of glass with you seem ridiculously absurd because it could harm and injure you, not to mention that there are no esthetic value whatsoever to continue storing it, thus, at the end of the day, it will be placed where its rightfully belonged; the trash bin.

I know, this is kinda harsh, but i am just stating fact, because saying that woman is like a glass in the first place is already getting on my nerves. 

I was brought up in a single parent family. I was a brat, a useless one indeed, My brother, well, let's just say he had his fair (fare?) share of troubling my mum. And she was busy, working from 9-5, she came back in the afternoon just to check up on grandpa, and me. She took care of my grandfather, she did it all together. She never ceased to amaze me. And woman, at the end of the day is just woman. A glass will always remain a glass, but mothers, wives, they are more than that. They fight. They harden. The true gem in the family. The ones that keep pushing the husband to move on forward when his feeling down, sacrificing her times for the sake of her family, she is strong; not easily shattered like the glass, and keeping her family safe is the utmost priority she bear in mind, far from getting hurt or turning her back on the family.

Mothers, and wives, they are woman, but their values in life, their contribution transcends the any value money could offer, they are like...diamonds. They get tougher, each day, every single moments, every hardships that they continue to bear will only make them stronger, every test they had will only strengthen the bond among family members. In order for diamond to be created, one must go through excessive amount temperature, developed under extensive, high pressure deep down inside the core of the earth, and once it's fully matured, it will be the strongest material ever, that can be used to cut through anything. How's dat for a fine description of females? 

Islam itu telah meletakkan wanita di suatu tempat yang tinggi.

Sorry for anything, I just don't know why I'm suddenly overly passionate about this, but then again what is not to be passionate about tulang rusuk kiri sendiri? Stay in school and I love you guys like I always had.

Five Minutes Duration of Writing (Zizan Razak, Kaka - Bawaku Pergi)

Assalamualaikum kids? How's life? Haha, yeah...I know I have other better, much important  things to do now, but still, I cant help but to type in few words, no worries, Im gonna make it quick, I have an assignment, a coursework to submit tomorrow.

I don't really have anything to say, but just like the feeling of striking the keyboard. I dont't know at what point in life writing is becoming some sort of passion, maybe I feel it the same way when I was running, even I may not feel the breeze against my tanned face, however I just feel like I am doing something important by typing in my thoughts, it like I am progressing, moving forward as I did in running (unless you ran backward that is).

Frankly speaking, I don't have any ideas about anything to say. What's on my mind now is mostly friends in Malaysia, and I felt like running as well, no, not running from reality literally. Okay, let's find a topic.

Hmm, okay, gotcha! Ayah ingin cerita tentang proses pentarbiyyahan, mungkin sedikit konservatif, dan radikal dari beberapa sudut, tapi agama merupakan salah satu fitrah manusia, sesuatu yang memang ada pada zahirnya, kerana manusia itu lemah, dan hanya dengan kebergantungan mereka kepada yang Maha Esa bisa menjadikan mereka gagah, merentasi lautan, mendaki gunung, dan teruskan mencabar diri; supaya mereka lebih sedar bahawa, setiap pencapaian, setiap kejayaan, setiap halangan yang berjaya kita tempuhi dapat diatasi hanya dengan bersandarkan kepada Ilahi.

Ayah tidak pandai sama sekali untuk memberikan suatu didikan agama yang meruncing, tapi jangan risau, kerana Islam itu mencakupi, menyentuh setiap aspek kehidupan kita; dan bersama akan kita kupasnya satu persatu, kerana ayah sendiri masih jahil, dan serba kekurangan Astagfirullah al-azim.

I will tell you guys more later, for now I have a coursework to submit; kepala pening. My friend had helped me alot. And that's why kids, jangan sombong, kerana orang yang sombong secara automatiknya adalah bodoh, mereka tidak dapat berkongsi ilmu dengan sahabat-sahabat yang lain. Study rerajin, love you guys, like I always had :-)

Tempat Jatuh Lagi Dikenang, Inikan Pula Tanah Air

Assalamualaikum kids, hows life? I always wondered what it feels like to be independent. I realized few things today, that is, like for example one of them, as much as I want to be here, I too realize that this is just not my place, no matter how hard I tried, but things are not gonna be the same. and as much i tried cooking curry, or put in lots of tomato sauce, in doesnt change the fact I am asian who prefers reallly hot and spicy stuff.

But most important of all, lets not forget that I really miss my friends and family in Kuala Lumpur. I have come to a conclusion, that is, that few things that made a certain  a place great is not by the tourist attraction destination it could offer or the culture, or the food, or the beauty of the vicinity, for such thing can only accommodate or fulfill such urges, to certain extent we will become bored eventually, BUT if we were in our rightful place, where the sense of belonging was no longer an alienated feeling, and above it all, having to see the familiar faces that lights up our static emotion everyday definitely one of God's greatest gift one could ask for.

In Scotland today, they are pretty much striving and anticipating, trying to secure their own independence. But the opposition comes from lots of parties and people, the society being to follow the leadership of England for so long had made me wonder what it feels like to witness an independence, to be able to witness something that will be mark down in the history of men, just like Malaysia which had gained their independence as early in 1957

People are living hardships today; sustainability, things that could endanger the ecosystems appears, and people, the society starts to paranoid, afraid of their dark shadows that as much they realize its existence, but continues to take it for granted, until the effect had become so severe that is beyond the comprehension of our limited mental faculties; however in resolving such issue, one can only start small, from its origin, from the main source; themselves.

I don't really know where I am leading on this issue, or what ever the issue is all about, or how things are starting to make abrupt introductions in the catastrophic world, but nevertheless, there's a solution for very problem; it always has. But, there's a saying that we can show a horse to a river, but wen can never force it to drink. And, calling off good decisions are the few aspects we lack, even as we realized the truth, the pros and cons of every options; but we still opt for the worse, or worst choices, because we are scared, intimidated, we are afraid that things are no longer the same, we prefer to be in the comfortable zone when we know, when we realize that one can always improve, step their game up and bringing it to the next unimaginable level by continue to challenge, by continue fighting, for what is rightfully theirs.

Who said that the road to independence will be easy? Who said that it's gonna a smooth ride to winning? and sustaining, managing your own country is not difficult and challenging? But I can say, nothing beats the sweet victory, the feeling of knowing that you own your country, that you are doing the best for your home, for your beloved land, beloved countrymen, and for all these things you had in mind, if you were to make them a priority, a must, a stressing factor in every fight, in every obstacles that you came across, you my friend, with God's grace, will come out triumphant.

I see people in doubt, and i tried assure them with words, as empty as it could, but with clear, honest words, so that they realize the feeling that I felt. I did not fight for independence, but my parents did, my grandparents did, and I believed they had sacrificed soo much for what we have today, for a greater, brighter future generation, thus I can see a clear difference between the fight for independence between what Malaysia had and what Scotland is trying to achieve.

 Jika ingin terbang bebas seperti burung, belajarlah mengibas sayap walaupun pada 

awalnya takut untuk jatuh

I will always love you Malaysia, for what ever the things that I will do is for the sake of your best interest, for a brighter future for my children, for a future that is not too late, for a future that I can shape with my own barehands, for a future that is not so far away, for all these things, like I always had.

Seratus Kebahagian dan Peristiwa, serta Infiniti Penzahiran Rasa

Assalamualaikum kids? MasyaAllah, how's life? Yeah, I realized that it's my 100th post, yey! Haha, naah, saja je excited. I dont really know what to say tho, just let my muscular (ek eleh) hands, stroke the dark, antic keyboard as gentle as possible, and trying to look  as if im typing my dissertation or doing important things whatsoever. Nevertheless, I really dont know what to say tho, Im kinda speechless....literally.

Today, I woke up, feeling cold (like always) and almost late to class (like always again). So as I went out, I saw hot chicks! Naah, the lonely cold win of february strikes in, with a thick mist, surrounding the vicinity, and Glasgow city was blurry for almost within like 100 meters probably. I crossed the slippery road, in a much fast stead manner, hoping that I will make it to the class. And, unfortunately, it had already started though, but I still make my way to my seat and listen attentively...for 10 minutes, haha, naah.

Pegi kelas ikut jalan ni; sempat amik gamba?Padan la lambat!

After that, I went for a jogging in the park nearby, somewhere below the High Street, near the River Clyde, it's called Glasgow Green. There's a saying, that the grass always look greener on the other side of the fence, and it did.

Ayah teruskan melangkah, dalam kepekatan kabus yang menyelubungi, penglihatan bertambah kabur, tetapi ironiknya, keindahan alam itu masih terasa. Adakalanya, apabila sesuatu itu lekat di hati, maka kecantikan itu akan sentiasa terserlah walaupun pada zahirnya tidak lagi kelihatan; mungkin tidak di mata orang lain, tetapi di dalam hati kita, hanya tuhan sahaja yang mengetahuinya.

Hidup, tidak ubah seperti suatu perjalanan, suatu persinggahan, dan sepanjang perjalanan ini kita akan melampaui pelbagai kesukaran, dan kepayahan. Tiada siapa yang mengatakan hidup ini akan mudah. Maka apa yang boleh kita hanya lakukan hanyalah terus melangkah, ke hadapan, walau betapa perlahan, betapa kecil kita melangkah.

Amik gamba lagi time nak pegi kelas, laagi la lambat!!

Hidup ayah, tidak ubah seperti jalan yang diselubungi kabus ini; ayah tidak nampak apa yang berada di hadapan, hanya mampu terus melangkah, dengan harapan akan menemui destinasi yang diinginkan. Ayah keliru, kaku, terkesima dengan jalan-jalan, kebarangkalian, kemampuan dan kelebihan serta kekurangan diri. Apa yang ingin ayah lakukan selepas ini? Ke mana hala tuju kehidupan? Adakah ayah akan pilih suatu jalan itu kerana jalan itu mudah? atau hanya itu sahaja jalan yang ada? Persoalan-persoalan ini timbul satu persatu.


Ayah ada keinginan untuk menjadi jurutera
Ayah minat juga project management
Ayah minat juga planning.

TETAPI

Allah jua sebaik-baik jurutera,
Allah jua sebaik-baik project manager,
dan Allah jua sebaik-baik perancang

Dan hidup ayah, dan hidup kamu, adalah sesuatu yang telah dirancang, dan Dia telah mengambil kira pelbagai faktor, pelbagai kemungkinan dan kebarangkalian, setiap input yang hambaNya berikan. Sesungguhnya, kesudahan yang baik itu, adalah bagi orang-orang yang beriman.


Hari ni, I went to see my lecturer, Prof. Joe Clarke, because I failed his paper in last semester's exam. And he gave me sum reassuring words, and advices, saying he will try his best not to fail me, and such.
"Professor, is there any way you can give me 2 marks more for my paper?"
"We have to discuss this with your course coordinator..."
.
.
.
.
"Okay, noted Prof. Ill keep in touch"
"Hey, can you do me a favour?"
"Yeah?"
"Cheer up kid. You're not failing this subject, don't worry. Don't let failure or success determine your happiness. Maybe under certain circumstances you failed, but maybe next time you wont. Don't let it be in your way from feeling happy. Cheer up!"
"Thanks Prof."

Recently, pada hari sabtu lepas, kawan baik ayah, pakcik Sufian korang, telah bertunang dengan makcik Sarina. Ingat tak kita ada pegi rumah diorang aritu? (banyak sangat berangan ni!).

 mengimbau kembali zaman kanak-kanak riang :-)))

 nasib baik ayah takda kat sana, kalau tak habis dah kena tekel semua bridesmaids

(haha, bajet sangat :-p)

Sufian bin Roslan, Sarina binti Saleh, semoga setapak lebih mendekati gerbang perkahwinan, setapak lebih dekat menyempurnakan separuh dari agama diri, setapak lebih dekat menuju kebahagian; sentiasalah bersama di kala sukar dan senang, selagi terdaya akan aku hulurkan bantuan, insyaAllah. Thanks for everything.

And seeing one of my best friends getting engaged, one step closer to getting married made me think about few things too, about myself definitely. But I'll save that for later. I have other important things to do now. I have sacrificed so many things to come here and pursue my knowledge. And if I were to waste this opportunity, how can I ever face him again? How can I ever face your grandma kan? So, keep your priorities straight Hanafiah!!! *tidak semena-mena berlari*

Oh, recently I was elected to be one of the AJKs in the Glasgow Malaysian Community. More responsibility, more opportunities to improve myself, more work too...I guess? I...can't be thankful enough tho. Ingat, anak panah yang tidak meninggalkan busur tidak akan mengenai sasarannya.

Masa depan yang belum pasti, sama seperti bumi yang diselubungi kabus; hanya dengan menjejakinya sahaja dapat kita pastikan sejauh mana kebenaran hakikat yang kita dambakan

(Gambar kredit pakcik Hazwan korang, heh)

Terima kasih banyak-banyak tidak terhingga. Jazakallah khayran. Ayah sayang korang sentiasa, like I always had :-)

Sesudah Suku Abad

Assalamualaikum kids..how's life? Emm, I just finished exam, so...well, things havent been good lately, with the papers dat is...sigh. I was really blur and nervous at times during the exam, so I guess things may not turn up fine for me. But, there are many aspiring outcomes dat I got from such situation tho. Like for example I went to the library, staying from morning til late in the night, I realized dat to be surrounded by books and knowledge is not a bad thing after all, and this is something that I can do until the end of life

Jika ilmu itu dilambangkan dengan buku, 

Maka aku gembira berada di perpustakaan, arkib dan toko buku;

Jika ilmu itu dimiliki oleh cendiakawan, ahli ulama', dan mereka yang mahir,

Maka aku selesa mendampingi mereka;

Dan jika ilmu itu dapat dizahirkan melalui sikap penyabar dan berkasih sayang,

Maka aku bahagia mengasihi mereka

-Andersonian Library, Strathclyde University, 5 Jan 2012

Eversince after SPM, I realized that calculations and numerical-solving skill was no longer my strongest traits, and I felt left out miserably. And today, these exams are the mark and testament of my failures. But still, being humane, we cant help but to feel some strong attachment to things that we can't have. 

But knowledge is not something that we can't have; everyone is just capable of excelling in whatever they love given the fact that they practice and put more effort into it, nonetheless my effort may be insufficient to cater such intricate, complex calculation; well, not really dat complex, is just i may had mixed up my formulas, haha.

Tuhan tu memang Maha Kaya. Prior to coming here, I was always worried how thing will end up, with my coursework, assignments and meeting the dateline and such, however to certain extent, God had accompanied me with few friends dat definitely helped me a lot during these days. I was not alone, we all helped each others, and he pointed, taught so many things despite the numerous, tremendous amount of wondering question striking at every point during study sessions was answered in a calm, slow manner for the sake of my better comprehension of the subject, I could never thank your uncle Xu Gu, oh, we have to go to China if we want to meet him, ngeeh :-p

Hmm...so, soon after that dat, as I finished my exams on the Friday the 20th of Jan, it was my birthday....again. You see guys, there are so many things that can happen within one year. Back then when I was a kid, I spent most of my time playing games at home, doing indoory kinda stuff. And being developed and exposed to such activities for quite some years, I tend to be more introverted and less sociable, despite the fact I do enjoy others' companion, I prefer to be alone mostly at times. 

But then ur uncle Sufian pulled me away from all these negativity. I started to open up more, and communicate more, I went out, and enjoy the companion of others. I took up football again, started jogging, started to appreciate the wonderfulness and the greatness of God's creation from the beauty of the vicinity, and I felt that deep in my heart. Nevertheless, my social skills was still miniscule thus it was insufficient for me to find your mum, haha, kidding. And due to certain stigma, unwanted experience, due to my ambition to be involving in academia and teaching, I will try to improve my social skills more; slowly, but surely. And without realizing it, I have some sort of attachment to my friends, and the desperate need to be part of their life, the neediness of involving in each activity they were doing suddenly develops. I started to be wanting to be part of something real, something that you could never get from virtual reality, from video games, something real, and that is a strong sense of brotherhood and friendship. 

So, few months after coming to Glasgow, most of my friends, as if having some sort of understanding between them, a conspiracy or something, starting to get married! Lots of them getting married! Wow, and I am indeed missing a big part in their important days in life. And that sucks, a lot. I really waaant to be there. And few months to come, my friend is going to get married, and I could have been his best-man...sigh. I was lost for quite sometime, waning and somberness kicks in, but in a much less serious, less detrimentally affecting.

But like I said, Tuhan itu Maha Kaya. I met lots of people, lots of GOOODDD people, that has the capabilities of being a wonderful, dedicated friend,  despite no matter how bad the person I am. I still remember vividly the day I came, as I pave my way out of the airport, and the first Malaysian dat I met was Ustaz Abduh. He thought me lots of things, religious matters dat I always found mysteriously compelling and touching, maybe most of his advices reflected on my negative traits, and in some way he helped me in becoming a better muslim.

Soon, I met uncle Safwan Romli (pakcik Wanli), he showed me around the city, with your uncle Deris. We went to the city center, helped me open a bank account, and showed important places like the post office here. After that I remembered meeting other guys like pakcik Faiz Nordin, pakcik Masrul, lecturer-lecturer ayah kat miat dulu, pakcik Hafizi, pakcik Wan Adlan, pakcik Shahrul, then I met the pharmacy clan; pakcik Hazwan Samian, pakcik Safwan Ghazali (pakcik Wanji), pakcik Ridhwan Razak (pakcik Due), makcik Azleen Azreen Azmi (makcik Leen?), makcik Izyani Nabila Ibrahim (makcik Bee? tak, dia tak sengat orang), makcik Fairuz (makcik ni mungkin sengat orang, haha), makcik Amirah Mohd Sedek (makcik ni makan perlahan, vogue kontrol ayu gitu), makcik Syifaa Aminudin (makcik yang ceria), makcik Farah...Izyan? (makcik dua nama?), makcik Anis Wahid (makcik yang buat ayah ingat teringat kepada makcik lain), makcik Farrah Kamarudin dan beberapa makcik lain yang mgkn ayah tak ingat kot nama diorang.

Dan ada the Naval Architecture gangs, uncle Ganesh Kumar, pakcik Kamal, pakcik Affan, makcik Georgina? makcik Elaine? hmm...which also the member of Strathclyde Photography club dan there are other few people as well whom I met from football which is pakcik Farihan (pakcik cip), pakcik Azpin (pakcik Ipin). Besides that, there's also the colony of Triple E's (Electrical and Electronic Engineering) pakcik Aizat (pak jat) and pakcik Deris as well as the Architecture groupie which was makcik Ana Dew (makcik anadu?) dan pakcik Najib serta uncle Shazwi dan uncle Asfa. But the lists did not stop there for I did not include my fellow companions from Brunei, pakcik Salleh, dan pakcik Faiz Sidek as well a fellow Malaysian, chemical student, pakcik Najhan. And last I met my African coursemate, Ugonna Mmbaezeu (uncle Ugo)

In case you're wondering why was i so eager in meeting new people, making friends and such; there was this one time in life when I really wanted this particular girl and I did everything in my power to make her feel the same way I did, but on the verge of the failure she said to me this

"No worries Hanafiah, we'll meet lots of other new people"

New...people... *sigh*

And the other reason is, I just thought it would be reaaallly nice to have friends, that we can share thoughts, pain and laughter together, despite all the shortcomings that each of us had, we tend to complement each other with extra capabilities that we had. It's just nice, to be in a place where we all feel to be appreciated, and wanted, for I had been living my whole life, feeling unwanted, ever since waaay before I was born. Any other reasons? Let's just say that I really want to improve myself, reeeaaaaallly bad. And improving social skills is definitely gonna help me a lot if I were to be into academia and teaching. Teaching sort of like one would normally said "it runs in the family" :-)

Tulis saja, tapi tak buat sangat, ngeh :-/

And thus today, all these writings are the testament of how I will never let such thing happened again; I will not let the history repeats itself. I wish you guys, my beloved friends, the best in life and to my beloved kids, for all the things that will come, I will never, ever forget my responsibility as a father.

So, back to the birthday, I cant thank you guys enough, I reaaaaaaaalllllllyyyy do. I am indeed speechless. Terharu, gembira especially bila fikir that I didnt know you guys that long; dan sedih sebab teringat kawan2 di malaysia lebih2 lagi ramai gila yang dah kahwin recently, dan i wonder how my mum would react to these things. Terima kasih kepada triple pakcik wan (Hazwan, Safwan dan Ridhwan) serta makcik-makcik lain (atau kakak-kakak? nah, im sticking to makcik, baru sama kan? haha).

Banyak gila makanan, syukur alhamdulillah, happy crazy!

So ayah dah 25 tahun skang, dan from my writings you can see that I may not be a fully matured, grown up person I am supposed to, but still, I know how far I have improved, thus I am keeping such perspective to myself and people around me. It's quite a personal entry (and looong indeed), but I choose to write it anyway, for the sake of memorabilia, for all these good times, I wish it will continue despite how old we will become, despite the hardships that each of us will face in life. As much I am trying to find your mum, I need to focus on my studies first, because if she were to appear in my mind, she'll occupy half of my brain capacity, so i need that capacity for much important things for the moment, which is knowledge, that I had sacrificed so much in trying to gain.

 this cake is crazy delicious!

MasyaAllah, crazy2 saja ayah lately.

From the bottom of my heart, terima kasih bebanyak untuk makanan-makanan yang sedap, pengalaman yang tidak terkata, persahabatan dan ukhwah yang telah terjalin . Syukur Alhamdulillah.

Semoga kesudahan yang baik bagi kita semua.

Jazakallahu khayran. I will always love you guys, and you guys definitely, like I always had.