Assalamualaikum w.b.t., how’s life Hanafiah? Haha, it seems u’re quite down recently, no worries, im sure u’ll spring up back to life like u always had, haha, insyaAllah.
Wow, okay, from now on, im trying to get used to talk or writing my feelings for u guys, my kids to read, but this is important, for one of the basic things in life that I wanted to teach u guys, but maybe in the future I cant due to lots of unwanted circumstances, but then again rest assured for it can be learned here, from this secluded post in my boring, loooogggg, text-book like blog.
You see kids, recently, I had this chance, an unwanted one, the one I reluctant heavily due to well, lots of perplexing ideas that I will unravel as I proceed here. Recently, my father, yes, your grandpa I shud say, asked me to find him an old folk’s home, so my auntie, mak ngah coincidentally had a fren that opened an institution for old folk people, and she urges to bring me there to have a grasp look at the place. So, I went there last week, I borrowed car from your grandma and went to my auntie’s house in Taman Cuepacs, Cheras.
For your information, my father, once live nearby, in Taman Mudun but now lives in Ampang, so next time if sumone asks about ur grandparents, u know where they live, or any place they had stay when they’re still alive. After sending ur grandma to S. Alam, I went straight to Cheras, See, how strong ur grandma is, not only in the form of physical attributes but in sense of responsibility in fulfilling her task as educator as well? She still can afford to go to work even at the age 64, tho I don’t know how long will it takes, I wish for her the best in life, and ill always be by her side, like u guys will always be by mine, hopefully. I was very tired and sleepy because I didn’t sleep the night before due to a World Cup game that I watched with ur uncle Sufian.
It was frustrating at first to find the house, but sumhow mak ngah managed to find it, I guess it’s true when people said, where there’s a will, there’s a way. I step up out of the car, and it was around late noon, but the heat combined with the cold of the air conditioned vicinity when I was in the car earlier suits me best, and I take a slow, small step walking into the small, limited compound of the house.
Technically speaking, it wasn’t actually a house, but a small mosque, a surau more like it. Tho it had been converted to an old folks home, the sacred function of the mosque still exist. Every night, there will be people in the nearby area come and pray in jemaah.
No matter how much it changed, no matter how far the world progress, no matter how many time had passed on, one of the sacred, best, effective institution that is NEVER affected by the dirty hands of unfaithful slave even the hard, iron clawed politicians that may had the slick ideas to manipulate and manage their cunning, stealthy way into winning favors and votes from society by using the mosque as a wrong medium in spreading their filthy, unacceptable propaganda which is just sum disgustful polemic, trying to cover it in the name of Islam or perhaps the worsening situation of our beloved environment, global warming, or economy recession or whatever catastrophic disaster instigated by the wrongdoings of us humans or well, whatever the reason is, the time is constant in here, and even when the outside world seem to be chaotic, and full of destructions and war, but in here there’s only peace, and ur task here is to make sure ur mind is focused on carrying out ur responsibility, to strengthen ur faith, the bond between u and God, Subhanallah, thus that is why we often regard the mosque as the house of God.
Remember kids, that everytime, EVERY time u’re lost, no, please don’t use the GPS joke here, u know what im trying to say rite fellas? Haha. If u lost or sumhow stucked at the end of long, winding, complicated road, u can restart here, by praying to God, and beg Him for mercy, for directions, to give u a new chance, cause we humans, even the blessed ones are prone to mistakes, and I am sooo full of it that its hard for me to tell you this, I admit ive done lots of mistakes, too much unwanted errors, and dis time im gonna make it right, and carry out my duty as a father as good as I could be tho im no longer by yourside, and if I no longer do, let me remind you for thousand, billion times that I love u, and I will always love u guys, and please let me remain in the small space of ur big heart, okay? Haha.
The mosque was quite okay, and I walked inside. On the walls, hanged lots of pictures of IPT students that came there to do visits, or do welfare’s work to fulfill their designed co-curricular activities. Plus there are lots of beautiful, hand-made souvenirs, with wishful words jotted on it perhaps created by the artistic hands of the visitors, well, kata-kata itu doa, or so they used to say, thus hopefully writing it on will have a huge impact on these left-out, old, so old there they no longer able to read, suited to be dwellers of the old folk’s home. Tetapi, kata2 dan perbuatan yang baik pasti akan mendapat balasan yang baik, bear dat in mind kids, and before u guys wanted to pull off any good deeds, no matter towards anybody, make sure, be certain its 100% sincere and straight from your burning passionate heart.
I sit on the chair, the makcik, the mosque keeper, the main person in charge in making these good deed to happen and continuing it with limited budget served me a cold orange juice. I let it be, and listen to what she wanted to say, and after hearing her explanation, I talked with her husband, and one of the sentences that I really like and I wanted to quote it here is ‘kita merancang, Allah pun merancang, TETAPI, perancangan Allah itu lebih baik’. Those words, reaaaally left a huge impact on me, yes, I know it is quite common sense, I know it’s a small thing, tiny sentence, but small things meant a lot, and this meant huge one.
The conversation went on, and since he is an elder, I mostly listen to what he was saying, and along the conversation I paused, and I muttered these words ‘….bukan senang nak memikul tanggungjawab, tetapi untuk meninggalkannya mudah sekali….’ Or sumthing similar, I guessed. The makcik and pakcik nodded agreeing.
Kids, life is hard, life is harsh, but never neglect your responsibility, carry it out as sincere as you can, and believe me, you will never have to face the slightest dirt of regret as you proceed in this fragile life, and this bitter harsh of experience that ive gone through wouldn’t had happened if i were more responsible and if u do carry it out to the best of ur limited abilities, I promise u will see the good part, no, the best part life can offer you.
And the first, foremost important responsibility, the charge that I want u guys to sincerely take on and never let a little sense of negligence or any other negative feeling that is often created by the temptations of evil devil which I often regretfully gave in too thus realizing, succeeding their effort to sent Adam’s child accompanying them to be damned in hell is…..your responsibility on your religion, your faith, better said the responsibility as a muslim. And if u held onto dis dearly, then u will automatically know other responsibility by yourself, and carrying it out is no sweat at all, haha.
You see, I NEVER liked the fact im sending anyone here, not because its not a beautiful place, not because it’s not suitable, but the guilt, my conscience are eating me up and as I walk in, as I make my way in and out of the vicinity of the area, I felt overwhelmed with compassion and heard the echoes of my heart being torn apart.
Ever since I was small, my mum, had always taken care of grandpa, me and abang always there to help her, yeah fortunately there was young people to help accomplish the physical needs of my late grandfather, we, the ones with the strength and brawns of young people were able to support my mum in which she lacks the most, the time and physical strength to help my grandfather, Haji Kadir bin Yunus. Remember dis name kids, cos I want u guys to pray for him if u had time, and sedekahkan al fatihah to him too. And never once the idea of sending my grandpa came across my mother's mind.
The condition of the mosque is well taken care of, the bathing room was okay, there are about 6 male occupants and there are 20 female residents from various backgrounds, and different races lived there. As I see their face, looking back at me in perplexed manner, sum of them were looking at me as if hoping I would be one of their relatives to come and visit them, but after realizing im not, the sadness, the loneliness, the feeling of being rejected from their family members, the feeling of as if being left out to die in that place, the feeling of disappointment, grief and sorrow are obviously seen on every small corner of their soulless eyes, empty, as if their naïve, but pure hopes for a better tomorrow is diminished instantly by the great tide of time and limited physical and financial potential, and every glimpse of the pupil share a sad story, open to those who are willing to listen patiently thus my presence there, standing, staring deeply in honoring, and fast stead manner perhaps digs up, maybe not much, but a slight dirt of their broken hearts; the dirt which was once pure and white yet fiery burning expectations they put up for their beloved offspring which is now only dead and rotten, eaten by the sands of time.
Kids, do u know why i wrote this in the first place? If somehow in distant future, dis kind of things came across your mind, and maybe at that time Im no longer able to take care of my own personal things, my hygiene and other stuff, and if u have decided where u will send me, just know about how i felt living in such place, remember this because even no matter whatever the words that came out of my mouth, i did that for the sake of relieving ur burden, and painfully soothing my broken heart, because deep in my conscious mind i pray not to live in such place even for a single day because i believe the place of a father lies with their children and vice versa, not with strangers, especially at the critical time of my lifeline, the few last years of my life on earth, where we need each other, no, where i need you guys the most, and living there is definitely a highlight of my life.
Fortunately he had decided not to go there, which is a relief to me, and i wish he could always found happiness even without me by his side. His time is now, and im doing what i could do even deep in my heart, i admit there are lots more things needed to be improved, but with dis short time, with dis huge amount of reluctance, i wonder if the history will repeat itself? will i see the same thing and feel what it feels like to be in his shoes? right now, there are lots of things going thru my mind, and im praying for lots of things, even i seldom met him, and rarely attend to his crucial needs, or seldom gave him a call, i always pray for the best of you, my father, like I always had.
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