Assalamualaikum Hanafiah, apa khabar? How’s practical? How’s study? Haha, hopefully it goes on well la kan. Whatever it is u’re going thru, just endure it eh, like Saidah said, just follow the flow. Like a river, or perhaps like the wind.
So, life is hard again, but I’m okay, I guess. I don’t know why I bother writing this, but I don’t even know why people would read it, but maybe the reason I can write anything I felt here is because I realize people wouldn’t even read it, thus it’s kinda comforting, haha. They used to say, the safest place is to hide from the enemy is in their den, or so they said.
Looking back at things, at what I’ve achieved in life I realized I didn’t go anywhere despite the how far I’ve traveled, it feels like running around in circles, moving and returning to the same spot everytime, tho I felt exhausted, I’m glad I made an effort, as silly as it seems, I know I’ve achieved sumthing, that may be trivial to others, but a big step towards much bigger success in my life.
Thus, whenever I run on this field, along this track, chasing the ball near the line, with sudden rush of adrenaline pumping, and hearing myself grasping for air, I’m glad, I made effort, and all these had made a very big difference to the hardness that occur in my life, a very big difference to you, a big difference like I've always had ;-)
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Waaaah, Takutnya!!
Have it ever occur to u to kill people? Of course there is, me too, I guess, but maybe in a less tragic way, but gotta make it more look like an accident, but yet always make people feel that the incident happened due to some foul play and it was some sort of dark, dirty conspiracy of the big guys, well which is totally ridiculous when such thing happened due to cat crossing the road, haha. No, this is just some sort of small talk, tkda kaitan dgn sesapa pun.
Metaphorically speaking, last night was a heavy rain, luckily there’re stars, and the moon is amazingly round, just like someone’s face, a lovely, round, cute face but people are always ignorantly unaware due to the thick clouds and heavy rain that came along. But still, whenever u’re lost in the dark night, with pitch black emblazoning ur life, it’s still very comforting and assuring to see the small lamp God had given us during those hard times. It’s just sometimes it had always been there for a thousand years that we often forget it may not be the same tomorrow and thus often we take it for granted. But what the heck, it’s a new day, and a new dawn have awaken, the same process will take the same place again, just make sure u’ll do ur best with the time God had given you, like He always had ;-)
Metaphorically speaking, last night was a heavy rain, luckily there’re stars, and the moon is amazingly round, just like someone’s face, a lovely, round, cute face but people are always ignorantly unaware due to the thick clouds and heavy rain that came along. But still, whenever u’re lost in the dark night, with pitch black emblazoning ur life, it’s still very comforting and assuring to see the small lamp God had given us during those hard times. It’s just sometimes it had always been there for a thousand years that we often forget it may not be the same tomorrow and thus often we take it for granted. But what the heck, it’s a new day, and a new dawn have awaken, the same process will take the same place again, just make sure u’ll do ur best with the time God had given you, like He always had ;-)
Sentimental Thoughts Final, hopefully
Assalamualaikum Hanafiah? Em, penat eh? Esok bola ke? Haha, ko kena naik jd dmf dow, tk best la asyik main defense je kan? Cuba keras sket, main body, dan of course, lari lagi banyak, haha. Well, guess so. But still, first thing first, lets save this sheep, relationsheep, haha. Here goes…
Em, okay,how am I suppose to say this, em, girl, how’s life? How’s exam? Haha, well, I can only assume it’s over. First, let me apologize again if somehow u felt my previous posts are trying to humiliate you, it was of my slightest intention to make u feel that way, however, I’ve made few em…amendments to the regarding posts. So, don’t worry. And I never thought u as hypocrite, or never did I wrote it dat way, so what gives? You are NOT that kind of person, so rest assured.
Second, I ALWAYS WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND, dan it was NEVER my idea to break the bond between us, I just have my reasons for everything that I did, dan AKU SUKAKAN KO, so tolong la faham sket the complications I’m going thru rite now. By the way, Hafiz said I shud let things cool down a bit, so whu wudve tot one of the few hardest thing in life I had to do is resisting myself from u, so give urself a credit now, cause u’re IRRESISTABLE, haha. Dan sori if the way I acted seems to give u the idea that i wanna say gudbye or sumthing. Tk elok kan memutuskan silaturrahim?
Third, I’m the kind of people where I don’t mind strangers, or friends reading my personal love life, for I’m a newbie in such matter, and their perspectives, their ideas that they threw along when they know what I’m going thru really meant sumthing. Hafiz said I shud let things cool down a bit, Dayana said I shud be more relax dn cakap bnyk sket, Sufian kata kalau tknak tak boleh paksa, Zakaria kata kena dress up sket dan pegang mana2 yg patut (which I will never do kalau tk berlapik), Suhaila kata it’s all about tolerance, Mak Lang kata beli la baju bnyak sket dn jaga hati perasaan dia, Azuan kata jodoh boleh berubah kalau kita berusaha, Naqib questioned kenapa aku slalu datang lambat dan mak aku lak, well, lets just say she’s glad I’m not gay, haha. Girl, aside from friends and family, people whu spent their time reading this loooongggg piece of my mind are the people that I don’t mind telling them about my personal life. This blog, even it was public, but the content mostly focus on my feelings, thus if u bothered to read this, if u bothered to know my feelings, then I wouldn’t feel bothered to ask for your opinion, for your ideas, or perhaps share my personal love life. So, don’t worry, not everybody’s going to read this, it’s not facebook. It’s not fancy, but it’s just me.
Fourth, I’d like to apologize for everything bad memories that I had cause, I made you wait too long, and when I rush I sweat thus emanating unwanted odors, I forgot the fact u’re so happy with the car, I’m always keeping quiet, thus making u bored, but believe me, I can stare ur face all day long, I’m sorry that I didn’t greet ur parents properly, I was nervous and very cautions that I forget those little basic things, I will always be nervous whenever I’ like someone, It may take a looong time, haha, and I’m sorry again for being conservative and narrow minded, it’s just sometimes I forgot that u came from a large groups of friends, which is unlike me at all. I cant undo the damages, but only learn from the experience.
Fifth, sori la eh, gamba2 tu mungkin tak boleh blah bg ko, but still memberikan makna yang mendalam kepada aku. After all, a picture is worth a thousand words, and my feelings, are beyond description of words and visual. And for me, writing this blog is almost the same like writing ur own will, and if sumday I’m no longer breathing on the surface of this lovely earth, I just wanna make sure that my friends and my family know my story, my life, know that I once fell in love with you, my friend.
Thanks, bless you guys and girls, bless you miss, like He always had ;-)
Em, okay,how am I suppose to say this, em, girl, how’s life? How’s exam? Haha, well, I can only assume it’s over. First, let me apologize again if somehow u felt my previous posts are trying to humiliate you, it was of my slightest intention to make u feel that way, however, I’ve made few em…amendments to the regarding posts. So, don’t worry. And I never thought u as hypocrite, or never did I wrote it dat way, so what gives? You are NOT that kind of person, so rest assured.
Second, I ALWAYS WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND, dan it was NEVER my idea to break the bond between us, I just have my reasons for everything that I did, dan AKU SUKAKAN KO, so tolong la faham sket the complications I’m going thru rite now. By the way, Hafiz said I shud let things cool down a bit, so whu wudve tot one of the few hardest thing in life I had to do is resisting myself from u, so give urself a credit now, cause u’re IRRESISTABLE, haha. Dan sori if the way I acted seems to give u the idea that i wanna say gudbye or sumthing. Tk elok kan memutuskan silaturrahim?
Third, I’m the kind of people where I don’t mind strangers, or friends reading my personal love life, for I’m a newbie in such matter, and their perspectives, their ideas that they threw along when they know what I’m going thru really meant sumthing. Hafiz said I shud let things cool down a bit, Dayana said I shud be more relax dn cakap bnyk sket, Sufian kata kalau tknak tak boleh paksa, Zakaria kata kena dress up sket dan pegang mana2 yg patut (which I will never do kalau tk berlapik), Suhaila kata it’s all about tolerance, Mak Lang kata beli la baju bnyak sket dn jaga hati perasaan dia, Azuan kata jodoh boleh berubah kalau kita berusaha, Naqib questioned kenapa aku slalu datang lambat dan mak aku lak, well, lets just say she’s glad I’m not gay, haha. Girl, aside from friends and family, people whu spent their time reading this loooongggg piece of my mind are the people that I don’t mind telling them about my personal life. This blog, even it was public, but the content mostly focus on my feelings, thus if u bothered to read this, if u bothered to know my feelings, then I wouldn’t feel bothered to ask for your opinion, for your ideas, or perhaps share my personal love life. So, don’t worry, not everybody’s going to read this, it’s not facebook. It’s not fancy, but it’s just me.
Fourth, I’d like to apologize for everything bad memories that I had cause, I made you wait too long, and when I rush I sweat thus emanating unwanted odors, I forgot the fact u’re so happy with the car, I’m always keeping quiet, thus making u bored, but believe me, I can stare ur face all day long, I’m sorry that I didn’t greet ur parents properly, I was nervous and very cautions that I forget those little basic things, I will always be nervous whenever I’ like someone, It may take a looong time, haha, and I’m sorry again for being conservative and narrow minded, it’s just sometimes I forgot that u came from a large groups of friends, which is unlike me at all. I cant undo the damages, but only learn from the experience.
Fifth, sori la eh, gamba2 tu mungkin tak boleh blah bg ko, but still memberikan makna yang mendalam kepada aku. After all, a picture is worth a thousand words, and my feelings, are beyond description of words and visual. And for me, writing this blog is almost the same like writing ur own will, and if sumday I’m no longer breathing on the surface of this lovely earth, I just wanna make sure that my friends and my family know my story, my life, know that I once fell in love with you, my friend.
Thanks, bless you guys and girls, bless you miss, like He always had ;-)
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Sentimental Thoughts Third
Assalamualaikum Hanafiah, how’s life? Em, it’s kinda boring rite now, at night, with no internet, no tv, well, looks like I’ve gotta make use with all the time that I had to the greatest use possible. But this practical timing really helped me a lot, at least my mind is occupied thus it took off some unwanted sour memories, and I’m so damn busy rite now, no time to be sentimental. But still, despite the loudness of the ATR and Dash-7 or the APU, I still find myself empty, and hollow with this sudden rush of loneliness overflowing into every vein in my body, like blood only accompanied by some high decibels mixture of humming engine sound. Well, no wonder they said ‘someone STOLE my heart’ ;-)
How is she? How are u girl? How’s life? Are u feeling better today? What did u do today? How was ur day? Did anybody tried to hit on you? Haha, I guess such questions are obsolete rite now, and its kinda perplexing that I cud never ask such questions again, well, it looks like the theory of turning into strangers doesn’t only apply to u girl, but as much I want to resist such thing to occur, I’m affected as well, but lets hope it wont stay forever.
Girl, there’re so much things that I wanna say, directly, but it seems the chance is running slim, and here I am writing this piece of my mind, I don’t know how long will I recover from this incident, if I could see this coming, I would’ve tried even better, but then again, it’s already too late.
Well, I don’t know why, but I cant seem to distant myself from you, I cant even bother to hate you despite all the things that u said, yup, u’re rite, and I’m to blame totally, but still…I don’t know, I just wished I had done something, but I cant seem to find any, thus in the end, u had made a very wise decision, no, u’ve just dodge the greatest bullet in your life. I am after all no good to you, we just didn’t suit each other, and that’s the truth, and u know what they said about the truth kan?
I can only say this, despite how stranger we will become, how distant the relationship between us, lets remember this, I will always thought you as my best friend, my first ever, the first female ever to help me come to where I am today, and as much as I want to stay on longer with you, some greatest lesson in life must be taught alone, and here I am. Thanks girl, for one of the my greatest lesson too in life, came from you, even tho it was kinda painful, and sour memory, but it really educated me, and that’s the only objective I can achieve rite now. Em, if u somehow u find urself in a big trouble, money, or maybe just need a hint on guy’s perspective, not that my weird perspective wud help u a lot, but still, I’d be very glad to assist you. I may not be one of your top ten internet friends, or no longer will be able to send u some fancy gifts, or leisurely send u sms to ask if we’re going to hit any theater on the weekends, but hei, I’ll always be there when you need me. Tell me where and I’ll come rushing. I may not be able to love you endearingly like a lover, but I would gladly love you as a friend.
One of the few things that I picked up during running is perseverance, and it was never in my slightest intention to give up, but right now, I’m just slowing down my pace, and choose another route, and hopefully with God’s grace I will find the finishing line to every moments in my life, and my moments with u had gone just like the wind that blows onto my face, it was refreshing, very awakening, and with it I’m able to continue breathing, and now I’m back on my feet again, just like I always had, but dont worry, the cool breeze will blow its way again. Thanks girl, thank you so much :-)
How is she? How are u girl? How’s life? Are u feeling better today? What did u do today? How was ur day? Did anybody tried to hit on you? Haha, I guess such questions are obsolete rite now, and its kinda perplexing that I cud never ask such questions again, well, it looks like the theory of turning into strangers doesn’t only apply to u girl, but as much I want to resist such thing to occur, I’m affected as well, but lets hope it wont stay forever.
Girl, there’re so much things that I wanna say, directly, but it seems the chance is running slim, and here I am writing this piece of my mind, I don’t know how long will I recover from this incident, if I could see this coming, I would’ve tried even better, but then again, it’s already too late.
Well, I don’t know why, but I cant seem to distant myself from you, I cant even bother to hate you despite all the things that u said, yup, u’re rite, and I’m to blame totally, but still…I don’t know, I just wished I had done something, but I cant seem to find any, thus in the end, u had made a very wise decision, no, u’ve just dodge the greatest bullet in your life. I am after all no good to you, we just didn’t suit each other, and that’s the truth, and u know what they said about the truth kan?
I can only say this, despite how stranger we will become, how distant the relationship between us, lets remember this, I will always thought you as my best friend, my first ever, the first female ever to help me come to where I am today, and as much as I want to stay on longer with you, some greatest lesson in life must be taught alone, and here I am. Thanks girl, for one of the my greatest lesson too in life, came from you, even tho it was kinda painful, and sour memory, but it really educated me, and that’s the only objective I can achieve rite now. Em, if u somehow u find urself in a big trouble, money, or maybe just need a hint on guy’s perspective, not that my weird perspective wud help u a lot, but still, I’d be very glad to assist you. I may not be one of your top ten internet friends, or no longer will be able to send u some fancy gifts, or leisurely send u sms to ask if we’re going to hit any theater on the weekends, but hei, I’ll always be there when you need me. Tell me where and I’ll come rushing. I may not be able to love you endearingly like a lover, but I would gladly love you as a friend.
One of the few things that I picked up during running is perseverance, and it was never in my slightest intention to give up, but right now, I’m just slowing down my pace, and choose another route, and hopefully with God’s grace I will find the finishing line to every moments in my life, and my moments with u had gone just like the wind that blows onto my face, it was refreshing, very awakening, and with it I’m able to continue breathing, and now I’m back on my feet again, just like I always had, but dont worry, the cool breeze will blow its way again. Thanks girl, thank you so much :-)
Sentimental Thoughts Second
Assalamualaikum Hanafiah, how are you? Haha, it seems someone can’t sleep eh? Well, it’s only normal when it comes to you, maybe you were somehow born with the gene of a nocturnal animal like an owl instilled in your genes, but whatever it is, may you have a bright day, or night ahead.
So, I cant sleep, and its only normal when u’ve sleep so much during the day, and now closing ur eyes seems to be excessive. Well, I’ve decided that recently that I really wanna become a lecturer. I hoped to become one, because, not that only my parents are in the education industry, not that only that the work of shaping young minds is thrilling, fun, and meaningful, but it’s also because by becoming one, I think I’ll become someone that I like, someone that possess great quality traits and could at least have a bright character, and I will be somebody in the society only if I’m to become an educator that doesn’t teach by reading from the power point slides.
Well, u have come looong way, Hanafiah, don’t give up. What she said, is a great wake up call, people can change for the better, and Hanafiah, u will not become any worse than you are today. You will, even tho at much slower pace, somehow, eventually, improve yourself as days goes on. Relax Hanafiah, take it easy,okay? I wish for ur success in life, her life, any of ur friends’ life, like I’ve always had.
Written on: 28 January 2010
So, I cant sleep, and its only normal when u’ve sleep so much during the day, and now closing ur eyes seems to be excessive. Well, I’ve decided that recently that I really wanna become a lecturer. I hoped to become one, because, not that only my parents are in the education industry, not that only that the work of shaping young minds is thrilling, fun, and meaningful, but it’s also because by becoming one, I think I’ll become someone that I like, someone that possess great quality traits and could at least have a bright character, and I will be somebody in the society only if I’m to become an educator that doesn’t teach by reading from the power point slides.
Well, u have come looong way, Hanafiah, don’t give up. What she said, is a great wake up call, people can change for the better, and Hanafiah, u will not become any worse than you are today. You will, even tho at much slower pace, somehow, eventually, improve yourself as days goes on. Relax Hanafiah, take it easy,okay? I wish for ur success in life, her life, any of ur friends’ life, like I’ve always had.
Written on: 28 January 2010
Sentimental Thoughts First
Assalamualaikum Hanafiah? How’s life? How is she?
How is ur best friend? Well, it seems like life didn’t turn out the way we wanted eh? It seems dat she’ll always look at u as a friend, even more saddening; a stranger, and dats just sad, really. But life is like love, it’s unpredictable, and the flower of love blooms even under the most unfulfilled condition at uncertain temperatures at an unknown location where u slightest expected it.
Love is hard, yet it’s fragile, and its only normal to love when people are being nice to u, and when they stopped (being nice), life is hard again. And u know what they said about life; dat life goes on. So, sabar la eh ;-)
Change, is hard, yet it can be as easy and quick as a bold, just make sure that it starts from deep within urself. Looking back at myself, I realized that her words are very true indeed. This wake up call, is very hard at first, it’s even harder when the one u trusted to deliver the words said it in a harsh way, and no matter how hard u beg her to reconsider and give dis another chance which she didn’t give makes it harder, and fortunately the well is dried up now, and hei, look, I’m starting to write again.
Yeah, what she said, keeps on repeating in my head, and it never stops, and I never know when it will. And muttering like ‘astaga’ or ‘tolong lah jangan’ everytime u’re awake seems like an idiot, but moving ur hands with mouth mumbling sumthing while driving with ur mum sitting next to is by far the worst la kan, haha.
Well, hanafiah, I can hope u can change better, I know u will. I just know u will, maybe it’ll require sometime, maybe it’ll take forever, or perhaps it could take up as little time one could expect because u just didn’t realize that u had changed, or whatever it is, sooner or later, today or sumday, maybe slowly but surely, u will change, Hanafiah.
U’ve come a long great way to change, to improve urself, and I cudnt see why u shud stop doing so, and perhaps maybe someday u’ll become a great friend to most of us, who is true to himself, without being the slightest hypocrite.
And what’s most important, like someone wud’ve said, jangan berputus asa dengan rahmat tuhan, berusaha, dan bertawakal, semoga setiap apa yg kita lakukan akan diberkatiNya, amin. Well, Hanafiah, I wish u success in life, in whatever u’ll do, and hopefully u can improve ur social skills and fulfill ur ambition to teach like ur parents had, like u always had ;-)
written on: 27 January 2010
How is ur best friend? Well, it seems like life didn’t turn out the way we wanted eh? It seems dat she’ll always look at u as a friend, even more saddening; a stranger, and dats just sad, really. But life is like love, it’s unpredictable, and the flower of love blooms even under the most unfulfilled condition at uncertain temperatures at an unknown location where u slightest expected it.
Love is hard, yet it’s fragile, and its only normal to love when people are being nice to u, and when they stopped (being nice), life is hard again. And u know what they said about life; dat life goes on. So, sabar la eh ;-)
Change, is hard, yet it can be as easy and quick as a bold, just make sure that it starts from deep within urself. Looking back at myself, I realized that her words are very true indeed. This wake up call, is very hard at first, it’s even harder when the one u trusted to deliver the words said it in a harsh way, and no matter how hard u beg her to reconsider and give dis another chance which she didn’t give makes it harder, and fortunately the well is dried up now, and hei, look, I’m starting to write again.
Yeah, what she said, keeps on repeating in my head, and it never stops, and I never know when it will. And muttering like ‘astaga’ or ‘tolong lah jangan’ everytime u’re awake seems like an idiot, but moving ur hands with mouth mumbling sumthing while driving with ur mum sitting next to is by far the worst la kan, haha.
Well, hanafiah, I can hope u can change better, I know u will. I just know u will, maybe it’ll require sometime, maybe it’ll take forever, or perhaps it could take up as little time one could expect because u just didn’t realize that u had changed, or whatever it is, sooner or later, today or sumday, maybe slowly but surely, u will change, Hanafiah.
U’ve come a long great way to change, to improve urself, and I cudnt see why u shud stop doing so, and perhaps maybe someday u’ll become a great friend to most of us, who is true to himself, without being the slightest hypocrite.
And what’s most important, like someone wud’ve said, jangan berputus asa dengan rahmat tuhan, berusaha, dan bertawakal, semoga setiap apa yg kita lakukan akan diberkatiNya, amin. Well, Hanafiah, I wish u success in life, in whatever u’ll do, and hopefully u can improve ur social skills and fulfill ur ambition to teach like ur parents had, like u always had ;-)
written on: 27 January 2010
Another Birthday, Another Thought, Another Day without Her
Assalamualaikum Hanafiah? Hei, what a boring person u are eh? To have time to write, to have time to express ur feelings in words, and let people know what’s going thru inside that thick head of urs, well, whatever it is, don’t ever lose faith, never, ever.
So, what’s up? Yeah, I guess recent event surely had been a wakeup call for u my friend. Life is hard, and unpredictable, but what I learnt recently is that, the condition of heart is beyond our control, and u cant make someone like u the same way just by using ur heart, but u must also have the brain, to stimulate the relationship, to adjust the condition where the feeling of love could bloom, but love itself is, like any other feelings are very unpredictable, u cud never expect someone will feel the same way about u tomorrow. U may cuddle hundred times, or said the L word (nope, not DAT L.O.S.E.R. word) like a thousand times a day, but if she didn’t feel dat way, she just didn’t feel that way. Yeah, it hurts, rejection hurts, like hell it did, but still, it’s not the end of the world, rather see this as an opportunity, to improve, to make urself better.
Wow, it sucks a lot eh, she’s gone, and I’m sleeping with the light on, I can feel her slipping out thru my fingers, running deep between my veins, and it’s hurting me, and it really is. I need a run, I need a cool breeze washing up my face, make my eyes open wider, but I’ve completed her course twice, so I wonder if such things would occur again if I completed for the third time? Well, I cant afford it, not right now, I just don’t have time for the pain.
Today is ur birthday eh Hanafiah? It seems u’re getting older, and may u’ve become more matured in whatever things u’ll venture, and whatever it is u’re going thru, never, ever lose faith, and with God’s grace my friend, u’ll achieve whatever u wanted, but in case u didn’t get what u wished for, lets remember this, God knows better, and be receptive with what He had given you. Happy 23rd birthday my friend, May God bless you, like you had always wished ;-)
written on 21st January 2010
So, what’s up? Yeah, I guess recent event surely had been a wakeup call for u my friend. Life is hard, and unpredictable, but what I learnt recently is that, the condition of heart is beyond our control, and u cant make someone like u the same way just by using ur heart, but u must also have the brain, to stimulate the relationship, to adjust the condition where the feeling of love could bloom, but love itself is, like any other feelings are very unpredictable, u cud never expect someone will feel the same way about u tomorrow. U may cuddle hundred times, or said the L word (nope, not DAT L.O.S.E.R. word) like a thousand times a day, but if she didn’t feel dat way, she just didn’t feel that way. Yeah, it hurts, rejection hurts, like hell it did, but still, it’s not the end of the world, rather see this as an opportunity, to improve, to make urself better.
Wow, it sucks a lot eh, she’s gone, and I’m sleeping with the light on, I can feel her slipping out thru my fingers, running deep between my veins, and it’s hurting me, and it really is. I need a run, I need a cool breeze washing up my face, make my eyes open wider, but I’ve completed her course twice, so I wonder if such things would occur again if I completed for the third time? Well, I cant afford it, not right now, I just don’t have time for the pain.
Today is ur birthday eh Hanafiah? It seems u’re getting older, and may u’ve become more matured in whatever things u’ll venture, and whatever it is u’re going thru, never, ever lose faith, and with God’s grace my friend, u’ll achieve whatever u wanted, but in case u didn’t get what u wished for, lets remember this, God knows better, and be receptive with what He had given you. Happy 23rd birthday my friend, May God bless you, like you had always wished ;-)
written on 21st January 2010
Friends ;-)
Friends
The few things we should know,
About needing a friend,
It’s not just about sharing the dough,
But being together until the end
Friends,
When the tide is high,
And hopes are smashed to smithereens,
Rest assured I won’t die,
We’ll always be together whatever it means
Friends,
Do you feel this deep sensation?
When we share each other’s pain and laughter?
A wonderful feeling beyond imaginary’s creation,
That only occurs when we’re together
Friends,
If there were romance,
Store it in the cart,
Measure the distance,
And push it to far apart
Friends,
If you can’t convey,
If you can’t make it,
Don’t scared to say,
And never fake it
Friends,
If love exists,
Face it without guilt,
For your presence is missed,
If the feelings were built
Friends,
In case of separation,
Believe this without a doubt,
In the fight to diminish segregation,
Victory only achieved after the final bout
Friends,
If you are in love,
Cherish it to your heart’s content,
Because love that evolves from friendship is like a curve,
The trajectory is unknown yet potent
Friends,
When love snows,
Let other knows,
If it shows,
Your feeling grows
Friends,
Such feeling was unexpected,
Never had I thought it occurred,
What made this happen I wondered?
For now only you that mattered
Friends,
As we put on our coat,
We tend to deceive others,
Yet we still on the same boat,
In the end we’re just brothers and sisters
Well, gudluck to us all, like we always had wanted ;-)
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Back Again
Recently, the tide is diminshing, if life is full of phases, and now is like the phase after the storm had ended. It's time to pick up back the things we lost, try creating even better ones, try to accomplish even more, and dats the phase I'm going thru now.
Suddenly, the sun is back up, and birds started flocking in the sky, and everything seems normal again. Still, the damages couldnt be undone, we can only hope that all these things will be patched up, and everything went back to nomal again, hopefully.
I wish things will be better from now onwards, and I guess I can start planning my future now, haha, like I had always wanted :-)
Suddenly, the sun is back up, and birds started flocking in the sky, and everything seems normal again. Still, the damages couldnt be undone, we can only hope that all these things will be patched up, and everything went back to nomal again, hopefully.
I wish things will be better from now onwards, and I guess I can start planning my future now, haha, like I had always wanted :-)
Monday, November 9, 2009
Then, It's Hard eh?
It's kinda hard eh mengharapkan seseorang mencintai kita seperti mana kita mencintainya, I could only pray like I always had ;-)
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Mizuno Wave Run 2009 : The Birth of a Runner
Assalamualaikum Hanafiah? How’s life? Haha, okay eh? Whu wud’ve thought u’d actually run in the Mizuno Wave Run, well, dis is good, dis is good, keep it up. Okay, lets write dis as a reminder for the upcoming days, shall we? Let this event be stored forever as one of our memorabilia.
So, 24th October, it was the day before the big day, before the run, and I was still sleeping when I heard a call, 4 miscalls actually, from Fatin. Yeah, I promised to meet her today, it’s been quite some time since I last saw her, gotta do some, no, actually lots of catching up I guess. It’s time to hear her long-awaited case presentation which turns out to be very shocking and motivational one :-)
I was a lil bit late, but fortunately Sufian was half-awaked, he helped me to go to Wangsa Maju, but before that we swing around Maybank to cash in some required money. When I reach Mid Valley, it was around noon. Tho I had eaten a lil bit earlier, I still went for lunch with her. We swap stories for almost more than an hour; we didn’t watch the movie because there wasn’t any suitable time, and I had one thing to do, that is taking the running vest for my first run tomorrow.
I rushed back home, when it was almost 3.30 p.m. The cab ride back home was about seven bucks, which is totally expensive for a trip which used to be around RM4 or 5, tho I was mumbling about the high pay, the driver could only use the typical excuses, oil price increase and there was never a raise for taxi pays since the last 30 years. Lantak la, I tot, I didn’t give it much tot for I was in a hurry. I went to the toilet and took my Zohor, grabbed the kaki (‘car key’ actually, dis is just lame joke dat I always had with mak since I was small) and Alex Yoong all the way to UPM, haha.
When I reached there, it was around 4.40 p.m., almost 5 o’clock. Damn, I shud’ve checked the net to find the collection location. I was clueless where to find the place I’m supposed to go to take my registration number and running vest. I called the Pacesetter’s Athletics Malaysia twice but nobody picked up, and I called the Mizuno shop where I registered, or another branch I guess and they gave me another number, but by the time I have it, it was already too late, I’ve found the place, the stadium, UPM’s stadium, which is located next to Kajang Silk’s highway.
When I entered UPM from the front, I went to the guard post at the Engineering Faculty, and they told me to take left from the roundabout, turn right when reaching the traffic light and go straight. I followed the instruction but stuck at the ‘go straight’ part. Fortunately I found the cursor, which shows the running route for tomorrow’s event. But somehow I was misled into a dead end, twice. First is because I didn’t notice the cursor to go to left and second I was following into the closed, shut-off gate. I had to reverse and ask the students nearby. Again I had to reverse in front some of the kolej kediaman (I don’t remember what number is it) and dis time I went straight, not following the cursed cursor, haha. I went up the hill and there it is the small stadium, equivalent to Salak Tinggi’s. There was a decoration, banner raised and some setups for finishing line dat’s made from wood. I don’t know what it’s called, but I just wanna run thru dat tomorrow, with awesome, lightning speed, heh, yeah, in my dreams eh? But than again, if I can dream, I can see, I can achieve it!
I parked near the field, there were few others too, who is like me searching for the same thing. We were told that the booth for collecting the running vest was behind the spectators’ building, at the back of the stadium. We went there, and collect our yellowish green running vest, with the registration number that followed by the receipts’ number. Mine was A0242. After that I went back home, preparing, worrying about what will happen tomorrow.
That night, I did some buying, I bought eggs, pack of Yakult, Ginseng Tongkat Ali Power Root Drink, Mentos, and Jojo for my nephew, each had its respective usage for tomorrow. I went to cyber café, then to kedai mamak, after that went straight back home, and go to sleep.
The following day, that is Sunday, 25th October, one of the much anticipated day of my life, at least ever since I started registering, my first attempt running in an event ever since I started running, which is like since after SPM, during Khidmat Negara. Thinking how little distance I go back then surely amused me, compared with now; I’m ready to take up this 11.09 km, or at least I thought I’m ready. Thinking otherwise could only disrupt my mentality, or at least that’s what I thought again.
Before that, last night, after packing all the required things, the number, set aside the vest and the shorts to wear, I reminded Sufian to call me if he went back from lepak around 4 a.m. which he did, and I was awake due to his phone call, but then I continued sleeping, haha. Fatin offered to give me a call to wake me up, but I turned down her generous offer, why? I just didn’t feel like troubling her, that’s all.
So when I woke up that morning, it was 6.30 a.m.! ‘Wei, what the heck?’ I thought. Running will start in less than an hour; but I’m supposed to be there like right now. ‘Semayang pun tak lagi’ I murmured, and go the bathroom, took the ablution, and my Subuh. I didn’t have the chance to pray longer that time, but I prayed that I could finish the run without having to stop, or walk at all.
I grabbed my things, went downstairs, go to the kitchen, saw the egg I bought last night and crack it open into a cup and drank it. Buekk, the taste was less awful than other eggs I had before, but still, its taste sucks. ‘I just need the energy’ that’s what was in my head when I drank that raw egg, yuck.
I went inside the car, and notice my Tongkat Ali drink wasn’t in the bag, I went back to the room, but I couldn’t find it. I decided to just go without it. Like any other typical Malaysian, I also believe that Tongkat Ali as one of the good aphrodisiac to be used, tho in this context, I used it for running, not related with anything sexual. It’s just that I had tried this earlier, and it had shown few effects in my running, I tend to be more focused and more energetic, but the down part is I tend to be more excited and tend to run faster, increase my pace a lot more, but in the end I couldn’t go further due to exhaustion. So, I think I’ll be fine, what matters more if I could get there on time.
I sped up the car, due to rain last night I was more cautions and careful when pressing the accelerator, but still I tried to maintain about 100 km/h or more. Luckily, it was early Sunday, and there aren’t many cars on the Middle Ring Road 2 (MRR2). But at that time, one more factor really disrupted my focus on getting to the destination, which is the fuel capacity. It’s almost empty when I reached Sg. Besi, and I was in dilemma whether to fuel the car first or get to the stadium; and I chose the stadium, haha.
As I reach Kajang Silk, there was a car tried to reverse on the highway, it seems that he wanted to park on the left side of the road, but somehow mistakenly passed through. I didn’t notice the car and when I realized it, I tried to move to the right side because braking didn’t seem to be the best idea, and what’s worst, I didn’t notice the car that’s coming from the back, on the right side of the road. Whoa, it was a close call I’d say, and since I was in a rush, I didn’t had the time to be annoyed. I make a u-turn by the Uniten’s roundabout and park faaaarrr from the stadium. I had to walk quite far, and my car was like the third from the last. I decided to put my backpack, that contains the windbreaker, camera and extra shirt in the car, only took out my mp3 player, and Mentos that I bought last night.
I started walking towards the stadium. Along the way, I saw lotsa people who just like I am, wearing the same running vest. And as I walk, I tried to put on the number on my shirt using safety pins provided. I’m glad I reached there on time, and I took the red band as a sign of registration. Fortunately there wasn’t any much thing to do except waiting for the run to begin. I ran one lap around the stadium in slowly manner, stretch a little bit, look at all the runners who like me, share the same burning passion for running and tried not to be too anxious.
I was very excited looking at all the participants, their shirts, crowd of yellowish vest runners, their running shoes; all this kept me captivated, wow, I was really excited. They all look ready, and determined to finish the run. So I continued stretching, until like few minutes before the run begins. After that, they made an announcement and every participant gathered up front. I started to steer myself in the yet-to-be-sweating crowd, and then the run started.
I ran slowly, reeeaaaallly slow due to large number of participants, haha. We start off from the stadium, and the stadium’s entrance is too small to let out almost 4000 participants, haha, so just imagine how congested it was. As I get out of the school entrance, the route was hilly, but it was short.
The congestion keeps on almost 2-3 km into the running route, after that, there’re some spaces for runners to increase their pace, but still they had to avoid the other runners. A day before, when I was stuck in finding the UPM’s stadium, I had the chance to actually follow the running route, so I kinda get a little idea what it looks like, or how further I have to run. I kept on running, or jogging, at I started saw people taking some rest, some even stopped for nature’s call, or waiting for their friends, or to tie up their laces. These entire scenes only made me wanted to not even stop and push myself further, haha.
So, I continued, and its kinda hard when I came across another long, incline route, but again started to do things, keep myself busy. I started to turn on the music, tho I didn’t actually care what song I was listening to, at that time, I wasn bothered, but other participant’s progress made me.
As I continued, I remembered my days back in Khidmat Negara, I remembered what it feels like to do the exercise EARLY in the chilly, windy morning, haha. And I remembered what we chanted, or something similar, and I make up one and chanted it myself, in my heart, in my mind, like it had always been.
Lari-lari,
Kita lari,
Kasi kuat ibu kaki
Lari-lari,
Kita lari,
Apa dalam diri?
Kekuatan yang hakiki
Lari-lari,
Kita lari,
Sejauh mana kita lari?
Terletak jati diri
Lari-lari,
Kita lari,
Laju atau perlahan,
Itu tanda kekuatan
Lari-lari,
Kita lari,
Mari-mari kita lari,
Tinggalkan kesedihan ini
And I continued running.
I felt enjoyed looking at all the runners, yeah, the way they struggle and push themselves, just the same I’m pushing myself, only we had different capabilities, different traits, different motivations and reasons to strive. I often look back as I was running, I know what it felt to be left behind, and I know what it feels like to be in the front, all these are very valuable lesson for me, call it another learning session in life, haha.
So I came to about half way of the run, and there was this water station that gave free drinks to every runner. Haha, I was hesitated whether I should drink it, since I don’t drink cold water. So, I tot its best to let things as it is, and let me proceed the way I am, haha. I continued running with feeling slightly worried that if I didn’t drink, I would be dehydrated, but ‘naah, I I have my mentos’ I thought. ‘This will maintain my glucose level’ but then again, what’s the relation between dehydration and glucose level? Haha, whatever it is, im enjoying this run and try to savor every part I can. It only 11km, I won’t be dehydrated right? Tkpa, lets put that aside, at least for now.
Okay, then, as I came to the last part of the run, that is for me around 1.5 km before the finish line back at the stadium, I felt exhausted, my body started to feel every tiredness, and my stomach felt tight, my hands tried to pump harder, it’s getting hard I thought. But I didn’t give in, I saw people, I saw competitors, and its fun, reeaaaallyy fun to see people pushing their limits, I felt Im pushing too, but I felt like I still had the upper hand, my breathing is still stable, only my stomach felt uneasy, but such feeling is not worth to stop the run, so I continued. Then I can see where the route continues because the runners came thru the same route earlier, so this is the part after running in circles, which is backtracking to the stadium. It was a hill, but it wasn’t that high, but it took toll on my pace, I started to run slowly, and the tiredness felt at my feet; but stil I don’t wanna give in, I tried maintaining the pace, tried to lose as smallest as possible the tempo of my running, which it helped me outpace lots of runners, lots of people who started to jog more slowly, some of them even started to walk, feeling exhausted. I continued, as I reach up the hill, I saw the final hill, the last part of the event. Wow, this is one hell of a hill I thought. It was long, and steep, yeah, I can imagine what it feels like to run up through it for I had came down from that route earlier. Seeing the hill from afar is very de-motivating, I felt ‘alamak, adoi, tk guna betul’ all that kind or similar feelings came across. But then again, it was very inspiring, I continued running, jogging, my tempo was as slow as tortoise, I barely gave in, I barely wanted to walk, but I just cant, its not that far left I thought, it wouldn’t hurt just to continue running, that was what came through my mind.
Finally I was able to climb that hill, in a very, verrryyy slow manner, but what the heck, I thought I could run and outpace other runners since this is like the almost last part of the run, and I was suppose not to be tired because running downhill, but then I felt no energy, my legs didn’t listen to me for some time, fatigue at its limit, its yield point and I’m just glad I didn’t have to climb other hill again. But, for other runners, this is it, this is the time to give it your all out for the finishing line is near, but I cant, I can hopelessly saw other people outrun me, I can only smile at their enthusiasm, smiling thinking that they didn’t run up the hill like I did, but walk over it, and took this downhill side to overtook me, but then life is all about taking opportunities, not any opportunities are suitable to one’s capability. And dis time, I’m incapable for such rewarding, final opportunity.
Few metres before the stadium entrance I started to search some upbeat tempo music. My playlist was so mixed up, so I could only finally make do with Ungu’s Dari Satu Hati. I finally came to the stadium entrance. I saw other people walking out of it, other early finisher runners, each of them holding he orange plastic goody bag. ‘Will I have mine too? What will my number be? Wow, I’m jus glad I finished this, I cant wait to tell mak, Fatin, Sufian, budak2 lain’ is what that came thru my mind.
The upbeat tempo run through my ears, my body, my mind, my feelings, more importantly, it boost up my adrenaline push, and I was pushing myself even further, harder, and faster. So I ran, like hell, and as soon I came to the stadium’s running track, I sped up, and accelerates even further, I was Forest Gump, I was Rock Lee, I don’t know what I was, but then my mind, my body cant deny the fatigue, but the song keep pushing me, and as soon I outrun other participants, one after another, the fatigue decline, my body refused to give up, push, and push, and push. All the incidents, all the bad things dat happened recently came through my mind in that few moments, maybe I need some distractions, maybe I need to put the thoughts of exhaustion my body is feeling at dat time aside. And there it is, the finishing line, the white banner they built, and the finishing line is there, as I came near I realize I’m no longer a loser, I can run further now, I can move on now , I can go further, and now, the sky’s the limit, and there, it ends. The attendees looked at my registration number, A0242, and gave me a white card, A312; that’s my number, I got the 312th place in group A which is category for men above 15years old until 51, out of 4000 applications. In aviation, the number A312 could be derived as the extension modified model no for Airbus A310, mine was A312, haha. I couldn’t helped but smile, wahh, but with this pain and exhaustion all over my body, smiling could be very tiresome job, but I don’t give a damn, I wanna smile, I’ve done it, I’ve did it, I had finish the 11.09 km run to be exact, and I’m very glad, I never had such achievement before, and I wanna keep on smiling, haha, yeah!
I saw other participants, all with the white card in their hands, lining up to take their goody bag, but none of them smiled, or laughed, all of them were exhausted, but then again what u’d expect? We’re amateurs, we’re not Olympians, we’re no Usain Bolt, we are just some people who had deep passion for running, only in my case, my passion was overwhelming that it shows on my face, haha. I line up, and took the bag, it was a long line, but I didn’t mind, I took that time to recover, and as soon I get the bag I checked out its content.
In the bag, it contains a can of Revive, a small bottle of mineral water, a consolidation medal, a certificate, and other sponsors’ products samples. I was very glad, looking at the medal, and the certificate, but whats more important are the drinks, I took the mineral water as I tried to find my way a better place to sit, to relax, and observe other people while in the process of rejuvenating myself.
So I sat at the drain nearby, yeah, I’m always attracted to the drain, I don’t know why, maybe its ledge serve a better position for sitting, haha. Wow, it was very tiring, but it was fun, I really wanna do it again, the sense of accomplishment I had was amazing, and I hope next time I could train myself better, I also hope that this event serve as my starting point, my beginning to all the run I’ll enter, or other good things in life.
After that, I went back to the car, took my backpack, my camera, put the goody bag away in the car, and went back to the stadium. With the camera in my sweaty hands, I snapped, and continue doing another passionate hobby that I took up recently. I saw people, I saw sweaty people, running and walking in and out of the stadium, people lining up for free drinks and watermelon, tho I had none, I didn’t quite understand why they gave it, and people sitting like I was just now with overwhelming fatigue. Well, either way, I was very glad, I just was ;-)
The only spoiler dat morning was dat i had a stomachache on my way back to the car, which was very hard for me since I had to walk like 1 km to reach the car. And as soon I'm in it, I rushed to UPM's Petronas, near its entrance. After doing the nature's call, haha, I refueled my car and went straight to Pak Itam's house, took the cake mom asked me to, and sent it to Uncle Ismet's house, only after, around noon that I reach back home, yey!
There are few metaphors when I entered this running event. First, I had always run, but I don’t know how good, or how far can I go, thus this is a good choice to show my capabilities, to show how far I’ve come, to see how good I am. Second, it was to keep my mind occupied, to keep myself busy with all the hardship I’ve gone through, with my best friend’s stuff and other domestic problems, furthermore, when I submit the entry form for this event, my mind was really messed up, and I cant find other way other than tikar sejadah, or religious methods, and my other options was only running. Yeah, running keeps my mind occupied, and ever since that moment, I took up running at night quite regularly. Yeah, it’s a little bit dangerous (sorry la eh Fatin), and dark, but being a nocturnal runner reminds me of one thing, and every time I ran during the moon shines brightly, I felt myself aware of DEATH, astaga. So, running served me lots of purposes, and I wanna keep on running, so that I’ll be reminded, and not forget all the excited feelings I had, so that I can outpace the stigmas or other bad experiences, and outrun my lowly, pathetic self, and I know also by running, that I’m working my ass off to make myself better, and more deserving.
This shoe had always been a great friend of mine, a great friend dat walks the same path dat I had taken, it felt all my sorrow, my burning passion, my sweat and tears, my fears in the night, and everything. It had taken me very far, and for dat Acuna, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Well, this is life, and if life is a wheel like they had always said, well, then this just something we had to deal, some dirt we had to get stuck with and hope that the dirt will pulled off and again we will feel the breezy, cool air as we go up in life. Hanafiah, I wish u well in life, and for you, my beloved friends, or someone who sumhow manage to get urself into this boring page, I pray and wish you the best in life, and hopefully we all will become a better person, and able to contribute maybe not much, but a little bit of something to the society; how much? Well, it’s only an answer you can determine it yourself. God bless you guys, like I had always wished ;-)
So, 24th October, it was the day before the big day, before the run, and I was still sleeping when I heard a call, 4 miscalls actually, from Fatin. Yeah, I promised to meet her today, it’s been quite some time since I last saw her, gotta do some, no, actually lots of catching up I guess. It’s time to hear her long-awaited case presentation which turns out to be very shocking and motivational one :-)
I was a lil bit late, but fortunately Sufian was half-awaked, he helped me to go to Wangsa Maju, but before that we swing around Maybank to cash in some required money. When I reach Mid Valley, it was around noon. Tho I had eaten a lil bit earlier, I still went for lunch with her. We swap stories for almost more than an hour; we didn’t watch the movie because there wasn’t any suitable time, and I had one thing to do, that is taking the running vest for my first run tomorrow.
I rushed back home, when it was almost 3.30 p.m. The cab ride back home was about seven bucks, which is totally expensive for a trip which used to be around RM4 or 5, tho I was mumbling about the high pay, the driver could only use the typical excuses, oil price increase and there was never a raise for taxi pays since the last 30 years. Lantak la, I tot, I didn’t give it much tot for I was in a hurry. I went to the toilet and took my Zohor, grabbed the kaki (‘car key’ actually, dis is just lame joke dat I always had with mak since I was small) and Alex Yoong all the way to UPM, haha.
When I reached there, it was around 4.40 p.m., almost 5 o’clock. Damn, I shud’ve checked the net to find the collection location. I was clueless where to find the place I’m supposed to go to take my registration number and running vest. I called the Pacesetter’s Athletics Malaysia twice but nobody picked up, and I called the Mizuno shop where I registered, or another branch I guess and they gave me another number, but by the time I have it, it was already too late, I’ve found the place, the stadium, UPM’s stadium, which is located next to Kajang Silk’s highway.
When I entered UPM from the front, I went to the guard post at the Engineering Faculty, and they told me to take left from the roundabout, turn right when reaching the traffic light and go straight. I followed the instruction but stuck at the ‘go straight’ part. Fortunately I found the cursor, which shows the running route for tomorrow’s event. But somehow I was misled into a dead end, twice. First is because I didn’t notice the cursor to go to left and second I was following into the closed, shut-off gate. I had to reverse and ask the students nearby. Again I had to reverse in front some of the kolej kediaman (I don’t remember what number is it) and dis time I went straight, not following the cursed cursor, haha. I went up the hill and there it is the small stadium, equivalent to Salak Tinggi’s. There was a decoration, banner raised and some setups for finishing line dat’s made from wood. I don’t know what it’s called, but I just wanna run thru dat tomorrow, with awesome, lightning speed, heh, yeah, in my dreams eh? But than again, if I can dream, I can see, I can achieve it!
I parked near the field, there were few others too, who is like me searching for the same thing. We were told that the booth for collecting the running vest was behind the spectators’ building, at the back of the stadium. We went there, and collect our yellowish green running vest, with the registration number that followed by the receipts’ number. Mine was A0242. After that I went back home, preparing, worrying about what will happen tomorrow.
That night, I did some buying, I bought eggs, pack of Yakult, Ginseng Tongkat Ali Power Root Drink, Mentos, and Jojo for my nephew, each had its respective usage for tomorrow. I went to cyber café, then to kedai mamak, after that went straight back home, and go to sleep.
The following day, that is Sunday, 25th October, one of the much anticipated day of my life, at least ever since I started registering, my first attempt running in an event ever since I started running, which is like since after SPM, during Khidmat Negara. Thinking how little distance I go back then surely amused me, compared with now; I’m ready to take up this 11.09 km, or at least I thought I’m ready. Thinking otherwise could only disrupt my mentality, or at least that’s what I thought again.
Before that, last night, after packing all the required things, the number, set aside the vest and the shorts to wear, I reminded Sufian to call me if he went back from lepak around 4 a.m. which he did, and I was awake due to his phone call, but then I continued sleeping, haha. Fatin offered to give me a call to wake me up, but I turned down her generous offer, why? I just didn’t feel like troubling her, that’s all.
So when I woke up that morning, it was 6.30 a.m.! ‘Wei, what the heck?’ I thought. Running will start in less than an hour; but I’m supposed to be there like right now. ‘Semayang pun tak lagi’ I murmured, and go the bathroom, took the ablution, and my Subuh. I didn’t have the chance to pray longer that time, but I prayed that I could finish the run without having to stop, or walk at all.
I grabbed my things, went downstairs, go to the kitchen, saw the egg I bought last night and crack it open into a cup and drank it. Buekk, the taste was less awful than other eggs I had before, but still, its taste sucks. ‘I just need the energy’ that’s what was in my head when I drank that raw egg, yuck.
I went inside the car, and notice my Tongkat Ali drink wasn’t in the bag, I went back to the room, but I couldn’t find it. I decided to just go without it. Like any other typical Malaysian, I also believe that Tongkat Ali as one of the good aphrodisiac to be used, tho in this context, I used it for running, not related with anything sexual. It’s just that I had tried this earlier, and it had shown few effects in my running, I tend to be more focused and more energetic, but the down part is I tend to be more excited and tend to run faster, increase my pace a lot more, but in the end I couldn’t go further due to exhaustion. So, I think I’ll be fine, what matters more if I could get there on time.
I sped up the car, due to rain last night I was more cautions and careful when pressing the accelerator, but still I tried to maintain about 100 km/h or more. Luckily, it was early Sunday, and there aren’t many cars on the Middle Ring Road 2 (MRR2). But at that time, one more factor really disrupted my focus on getting to the destination, which is the fuel capacity. It’s almost empty when I reached Sg. Besi, and I was in dilemma whether to fuel the car first or get to the stadium; and I chose the stadium, haha.
As I reach Kajang Silk, there was a car tried to reverse on the highway, it seems that he wanted to park on the left side of the road, but somehow mistakenly passed through. I didn’t notice the car and when I realized it, I tried to move to the right side because braking didn’t seem to be the best idea, and what’s worst, I didn’t notice the car that’s coming from the back, on the right side of the road. Whoa, it was a close call I’d say, and since I was in a rush, I didn’t had the time to be annoyed. I make a u-turn by the Uniten’s roundabout and park faaaarrr from the stadium. I had to walk quite far, and my car was like the third from the last. I decided to put my backpack, that contains the windbreaker, camera and extra shirt in the car, only took out my mp3 player, and Mentos that I bought last night.
I started walking towards the stadium. Along the way, I saw lotsa people who just like I am, wearing the same running vest. And as I walk, I tried to put on the number on my shirt using safety pins provided. I’m glad I reached there on time, and I took the red band as a sign of registration. Fortunately there wasn’t any much thing to do except waiting for the run to begin. I ran one lap around the stadium in slowly manner, stretch a little bit, look at all the runners who like me, share the same burning passion for running and tried not to be too anxious.
I was very excited looking at all the participants, their shirts, crowd of yellowish vest runners, their running shoes; all this kept me captivated, wow, I was really excited. They all look ready, and determined to finish the run. So I continued stretching, until like few minutes before the run begins. After that, they made an announcement and every participant gathered up front. I started to steer myself in the yet-to-be-sweating crowd, and then the run started.
I ran slowly, reeeaaaallly slow due to large number of participants, haha. We start off from the stadium, and the stadium’s entrance is too small to let out almost 4000 participants, haha, so just imagine how congested it was. As I get out of the school entrance, the route was hilly, but it was short.
The congestion keeps on almost 2-3 km into the running route, after that, there’re some spaces for runners to increase their pace, but still they had to avoid the other runners. A day before, when I was stuck in finding the UPM’s stadium, I had the chance to actually follow the running route, so I kinda get a little idea what it looks like, or how further I have to run. I kept on running, or jogging, at I started saw people taking some rest, some even stopped for nature’s call, or waiting for their friends, or to tie up their laces. These entire scenes only made me wanted to not even stop and push myself further, haha.
So, I continued, and its kinda hard when I came across another long, incline route, but again started to do things, keep myself busy. I started to turn on the music, tho I didn’t actually care what song I was listening to, at that time, I wasn bothered, but other participant’s progress made me.
As I continued, I remembered my days back in Khidmat Negara, I remembered what it feels like to do the exercise EARLY in the chilly, windy morning, haha. And I remembered what we chanted, or something similar, and I make up one and chanted it myself, in my heart, in my mind, like it had always been.
Lari-lari,
Kita lari,
Kasi kuat ibu kaki
Lari-lari,
Kita lari,
Apa dalam diri?
Kekuatan yang hakiki
Lari-lari,
Kita lari,
Sejauh mana kita lari?
Terletak jati diri
Lari-lari,
Kita lari,
Laju atau perlahan,
Itu tanda kekuatan
Lari-lari,
Kita lari,
Mari-mari kita lari,
Tinggalkan kesedihan ini
And I continued running.
I felt enjoyed looking at all the runners, yeah, the way they struggle and push themselves, just the same I’m pushing myself, only we had different capabilities, different traits, different motivations and reasons to strive. I often look back as I was running, I know what it felt to be left behind, and I know what it feels like to be in the front, all these are very valuable lesson for me, call it another learning session in life, haha.
So I came to about half way of the run, and there was this water station that gave free drinks to every runner. Haha, I was hesitated whether I should drink it, since I don’t drink cold water. So, I tot its best to let things as it is, and let me proceed the way I am, haha. I continued running with feeling slightly worried that if I didn’t drink, I would be dehydrated, but ‘naah, I I have my mentos’ I thought. ‘This will maintain my glucose level’ but then again, what’s the relation between dehydration and glucose level? Haha, whatever it is, im enjoying this run and try to savor every part I can. It only 11km, I won’t be dehydrated right? Tkpa, lets put that aside, at least for now.
Okay, then, as I came to the last part of the run, that is for me around 1.5 km before the finish line back at the stadium, I felt exhausted, my body started to feel every tiredness, and my stomach felt tight, my hands tried to pump harder, it’s getting hard I thought. But I didn’t give in, I saw people, I saw competitors, and its fun, reeaaaallyy fun to see people pushing their limits, I felt Im pushing too, but I felt like I still had the upper hand, my breathing is still stable, only my stomach felt uneasy, but such feeling is not worth to stop the run, so I continued. Then I can see where the route continues because the runners came thru the same route earlier, so this is the part after running in circles, which is backtracking to the stadium. It was a hill, but it wasn’t that high, but it took toll on my pace, I started to run slowly, and the tiredness felt at my feet; but stil I don’t wanna give in, I tried maintaining the pace, tried to lose as smallest as possible the tempo of my running, which it helped me outpace lots of runners, lots of people who started to jog more slowly, some of them even started to walk, feeling exhausted. I continued, as I reach up the hill, I saw the final hill, the last part of the event. Wow, this is one hell of a hill I thought. It was long, and steep, yeah, I can imagine what it feels like to run up through it for I had came down from that route earlier. Seeing the hill from afar is very de-motivating, I felt ‘alamak, adoi, tk guna betul’ all that kind or similar feelings came across. But then again, it was very inspiring, I continued running, jogging, my tempo was as slow as tortoise, I barely gave in, I barely wanted to walk, but I just cant, its not that far left I thought, it wouldn’t hurt just to continue running, that was what came through my mind.
Finally I was able to climb that hill, in a very, verrryyy slow manner, but what the heck, I thought I could run and outpace other runners since this is like the almost last part of the run, and I was suppose not to be tired because running downhill, but then I felt no energy, my legs didn’t listen to me for some time, fatigue at its limit, its yield point and I’m just glad I didn’t have to climb other hill again. But, for other runners, this is it, this is the time to give it your all out for the finishing line is near, but I cant, I can hopelessly saw other people outrun me, I can only smile at their enthusiasm, smiling thinking that they didn’t run up the hill like I did, but walk over it, and took this downhill side to overtook me, but then life is all about taking opportunities, not any opportunities are suitable to one’s capability. And dis time, I’m incapable for such rewarding, final opportunity.
The upbeat tempo run through my ears, my body, my mind, my feelings, more importantly, it boost up my adrenaline push, and I was pushing myself even further, harder, and faster. So I ran, like hell, and as soon I came to the stadium’s running track, I sped up, and accelerates even further, I was Forest Gump, I was Rock Lee, I don’t know what I was, but then my mind, my body cant deny the fatigue, but the song keep pushing me, and as soon I outrun other participants, one after another, the fatigue decline, my body refused to give up, push, and push, and push. All the incidents, all the bad things dat happened recently came through my mind in that few moments, maybe I need some distractions, maybe I need to put the thoughts of exhaustion my body is feeling at dat time aside. And there it is, the finishing line, the white banner they built, and the finishing line is there, as I came near I realize I’m no longer a loser, I can run further now, I can move on now , I can go further, and now, the sky’s the limit, and there, it ends. The attendees looked at my registration number, A0242, and gave me a white card, A312; that’s my number, I got the 312th place in group A which is category for men above 15years old until 51, out of 4000 applications. In aviation, the number A312 could be derived as the extension modified model no for Airbus A310, mine was A312, haha. I couldn’t helped but smile, wahh, but with this pain and exhaustion all over my body, smiling could be very tiresome job, but I don’t give a damn, I wanna smile, I’ve done it, I’ve did it, I had finish the 11.09 km run to be exact, and I’m very glad, I never had such achievement before, and I wanna keep on smiling, haha, yeah!
I saw other participants, all with the white card in their hands, lining up to take their goody bag, but none of them smiled, or laughed, all of them were exhausted, but then again what u’d expect? We’re amateurs, we’re not Olympians, we’re no Usain Bolt, we are just some people who had deep passion for running, only in my case, my passion was overwhelming that it shows on my face, haha. I line up, and took the bag, it was a long line, but I didn’t mind, I took that time to recover, and as soon I get the bag I checked out its content.
In the bag, it contains a can of Revive, a small bottle of mineral water, a consolidation medal, a certificate, and other sponsors’ products samples. I was very glad, looking at the medal, and the certificate, but whats more important are the drinks, I took the mineral water as I tried to find my way a better place to sit, to relax, and observe other people while in the process of rejuvenating myself.
So I sat at the drain nearby, yeah, I’m always attracted to the drain, I don’t know why, maybe its ledge serve a better position for sitting, haha. Wow, it was very tiring, but it was fun, I really wanna do it again, the sense of accomplishment I had was amazing, and I hope next time I could train myself better, I also hope that this event serve as my starting point, my beginning to all the run I’ll enter, or other good things in life.
After that, I went back to the car, took my backpack, my camera, put the goody bag away in the car, and went back to the stadium. With the camera in my sweaty hands, I snapped, and continue doing another passionate hobby that I took up recently. I saw people, I saw sweaty people, running and walking in and out of the stadium, people lining up for free drinks and watermelon, tho I had none, I didn’t quite understand why they gave it, and people sitting like I was just now with overwhelming fatigue. Well, either way, I was very glad, I just was ;-)
The only spoiler dat morning was dat i had a stomachache on my way back to the car, which was very hard for me since I had to walk like 1 km to reach the car. And as soon I'm in it, I rushed to UPM's Petronas, near its entrance. After doing the nature's call, haha, I refueled my car and went straight to Pak Itam's house, took the cake mom asked me to, and sent it to Uncle Ismet's house, only after, around noon that I reach back home, yey!
There are few metaphors when I entered this running event. First, I had always run, but I don’t know how good, or how far can I go, thus this is a good choice to show my capabilities, to show how far I’ve come, to see how good I am. Second, it was to keep my mind occupied, to keep myself busy with all the hardship I’ve gone through, with my best friend’s stuff and other domestic problems, furthermore, when I submit the entry form for this event, my mind was really messed up, and I cant find other way other than tikar sejadah, or religious methods, and my other options was only running. Yeah, running keeps my mind occupied, and ever since that moment, I took up running at night quite regularly. Yeah, it’s a little bit dangerous (sorry la eh Fatin), and dark, but being a nocturnal runner reminds me of one thing, and every time I ran during the moon shines brightly, I felt myself aware of DEATH, astaga. So, running served me lots of purposes, and I wanna keep on running, so that I’ll be reminded, and not forget all the excited feelings I had, so that I can outpace the stigmas or other bad experiences, and outrun my lowly, pathetic self, and I know also by running, that I’m working my ass off to make myself better, and more deserving.
Well, this is life, and if life is a wheel like they had always said, well, then this just something we had to deal, some dirt we had to get stuck with and hope that the dirt will pulled off and again we will feel the breezy, cool air as we go up in life. Hanafiah, I wish u well in life, and for you, my beloved friends, or someone who sumhow manage to get urself into this boring page, I pray and wish you the best in life, and hopefully we all will become a better person, and able to contribute maybe not much, but a little bit of something to the society; how much? Well, it’s only an answer you can determine it yourself. God bless you guys, like I had always wished ;-)
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