Employing the Unemployed Jedi (No Effing Mindtricks)

Assalamualaikum w.bt. Hanafiah, how’s life? Well, how did u cope up with unemployment? Sucks eh when most of your applications were turned down, haha, naaah, never mind dat, just make do with the chances that u get now, and hopefully my faithful, indecisive friend, may God be with you with very vital decision u had to do in life.

Salam kids, its been quite sumtime non? Haha, nevermind, ur dad’s kinda busy now, well…lets just say, that his mind is occupydo with er…important, serious thing, that had been a challenge to the post modernized mind of last century, which was about….nothing, haha, im just being sarcastic. Nevertheless, I am now a yakuza, who is on my important, secretive mission to save the world, the mankind….yeah…it’s a role playing videogame, nevertheless I do feel the urge to at least contribute in changing the world for a better place for us, for u small beloved guys to live in.

Its been quite sumtime eh since I keep u guys updated, well, what can I say, eventho I may not be busy, but…my mind are always occupied, and there are always things to think about, and the number of my grey hairline keeps increasing each day. Luckily ur grandma didn’t notice it, or else she wuldve made fun of me by asking me to use inai, mana boleh, tak macho la, kan? Haha, bru mcm Richard Gere (for u guys whu don’t know whu the heck is that fella, go and google it up)

Okay, where do we start eh guys….hmm..lets talk about my job as a grape farmer (grape farmer=penanam anggur=penganggur=someone who is jobless)  well, this is definitely not the highlight of my life. Being a NEET (Not in Employment, Education, or Training) reaaaallly sucks, well at sum point when u get to wake up late and play games…but it still sucks, big one! Why? It’s because, first, every where I go people wud ask “Buat apa skang?” or “Kerja mana?” and I was like er…. Why the …. u ask? Well, its becos that most of the places that I applied for are not willing to take me in, becos we’re fresh graduate, but WTF (kids, don’t use this derog language esp when speaking with ur eslders eh) if im not effing working, where the effing place am I suppose to get my effing experience, rite? (again, please minus the ‘effing’ part and if u take such a language against me or ur mrs Hanafiah we’ll gonna give u guys big one, yeah a reeeeaaallly big slap on the effing face, whops I did it again, haha) so I was tossing back and forth on my job applications, I went for several interviews, my first interview was with Canadian Electrics that operates the flight simulator in Air Asia training school, but I didn’t get that, even the interviewer was kinda assuring like we’ll gonna get it, which I later learned that if the company didn’t call  you, they just don’t give a fu…they just don’t care and your application is rejected, haha.

So, realizing I was in a distress situation, one of my closest, dearest friend, happened to came across this MSC website, no, its not miscellaneous website, not sum x-rated website either, it stands for Multimedia Super Corridor that was set up by the ministry in order to help such um…unfortunate graduate like us who might wanted to venture into Information Technology. The company will provide training for fresh graduates, and I registered into it. For the first time I got few calls from these ICT companies calling me to submit resume and came to their office for much better, much anticipated interview session. Some of the company had quite a reputation in this cutting edge technology field, thus being an engineering student I was unsure that I can live up to the company’s expectation, but I realize this, people are moving forward, and I cant expect myself to be left out behind. I will take this opportunity and do my best. I decided that I will further my study part time, yeah, like most of the people who had taken study part time to get the highly valuable scroll, it is not easy, well, nothing in this world that is valuable can be easily achieved, so please be grateful, and thankful whenever u manage to pull throughout the sharp obstacles. 


Studying and working part time is aint easy. And I don’t know if I can do this, but if you guys ask me like one of the interviewers asked me with a slight grin on his face as if knowing that I would chickened out; and wondering whether I am up to the challenge or not, well, just consider you just found yourself a new, tremendous rival. I will do whatever it takes to improve my life, and I believe by pursuing master’s degree will not only get better pay, but I will also contribute to the socio-economy of my beloveds thus improving your guys’ lifestyle, haha, hopefully, InsyaAllah.

There was once this company that I went for interview, and the position I was applying for was a management trainee, but I learned a day before that as a management trainee u’re in charge of making sales, and selling the product of the company to people i.e. direct selling is seriously not my cup of tea. I got this information when I went for a local recruitment firm located in Jalan Ampang, in Wisma MCA. The recruiter asked me this…

“Can you tell me about your family?”

“I live with my mom, she’s retired …..”

“So, where did she used to work?”

“She was working in IMR Jalan Pahang….”

“Wait, what’s ur mother’s name?”

“Her name’s Rojmah…”

“I think I know your mom, my mom used to work there too…..”

So you guys get the idea, and then I found out that she’s daughter of Aunty Normah, whom my mother used to buy cookies from every year for raya. Why we buy em instead of producing it ourselves? Well, lets just say, ur grandma don’t bake cookies for raya, we only er…outsource the product supply service to other prospective bakers, which in our case was the very awaited, much anticipated, cookiessiderate Aunty Normah.

Jap, u guys wanna know what do I eat for raya every year? Hm…well when my mom was still around, she usually make two dishes, since she is Orang Negri, so we usually have rendang daging and ayam. In order to contribute towards the economy growth of the local citizens, we decided to live the lemang preparation to someone who is more specialized in lemang cooking field, haha.  The second dish is rebusan, which my mum would buy some daging lembu with its tulang boil into soup, thus it is called rebusan.

The rebusan was definitely one of my favourites, because its easy and simple to make, so your mum can pretty much prepare it or if she’s too busy I can do it myself, and its also because this dish reminds us of my late grandfather, Allahyarham Haji Abd Kadir bin Yunus. Every year, on hari raya, he would eat it, before he eats any other meal, even during his last days. Its kinda funny to eat something delicious yet to feel nostalgic and sad about the taste of the food when the experience supposed to make you happy and joyful.  Well, everyone will go thru that phase, and mine is now, during this festive season, for the rest of my life.

This year, is also like previous year, it was quite dull for me, and my mind is so occupied with various things, the same thing that had bothered me last syawal. 

But this time I had became a jerk, yeah, I did, never tot I was capable of doing so, but, I guess I managed to pull it off, its not sumthing I’d say im proud off, but…I think, its important for u, my beloved kids, to know that the foundation of everlasting, continuous-loving doesn’t built on the foundation of love only, it requires more, and remember also this, that if u reaaaallly love someone, so endearingly that they always stuck on your mind 24-seven, or u like em so much that u felt jealous and envious whenever they talk about other people passionately eventho its silly becos the person they were referring to was some neighbor they’ve known since childhood, if u feel this, and due to certain unwanted circumstances (which I pray none of u will undergo this) u cant be with them, remember this; mencintai seseorang tidak semestinya bersama, when u truly love someone u reaaaallly wish for the best of that respective person, u really want them to achieve their ambitions, even it sucks to just look from far away, achieving all the wonderful glory without our presence, without being the back bone of such tremendous scheme, but if u can pull this most tricky, painstaking method instead of cursing, hating your ex counterpart, well then u, my beloved kids, had just graduated from being a child, and can now walk the same path, run the same pace, and sit equal to my height, no…u guys will be waaay better, InsyaAllah.

Don’t let your heart be filled with hatred, not that it will only lead you to the darkside (no, its not starwars…okay, maybe 20%) and make u astray from the righteous path (okay…30% starwars but im not going to mention any jedi tricks here, ok?)  but the sad part thing if u take up such pathetic option is that u will not only lying not to anyone but your sorry self, but also closing your heart to someone else who deserve you much more, not to mention u will also instigate lots of negativity and u will end up alone, because your friends will be despised, even true friends, true gems that u had always had, but now u just lost em. Instead of holding onto true gems, u’re now stranded and surrounded by shiny but fragile glass and fake, weak plastics.

I have lots more things to say, but I’ll jot it some other time. I just feel like telling u this, that I was a selfish jerk once, and I have lots of shortcomings, but I swear to myself neither none of you will be damn lucky enough to see this ugly side of me. I may be jobless, and full of shortcomings RIGHT NOW, but these little quirks aren’t sumthing that u can train urself in fortnight, it is WHAT YOU ARE, but u can have and still attain these much wanted, respectful criterias ONLY IF it had been unified with urself, when all these good qualities had finally made its way into the core of your continuously-learning mind, when it no longer became an unknown, alienated entity of your beautiful mind, when it had finally penetrate your subconscious mind and affecting your actions, moving your motor system without any self awareness, when u no longer mind doing tiring activity and trying to fulfill the self commitment is no longer a hard, annoying work, ONLY when this happened that u will be able to walk tall with those sifat2 mahmudah on your proud chest thus diminishing the hypocrisy and pretentious act that often came along whenever one decided to adopt, empowering themselves with these great, irreplaceable qualities.

For hundreds time, and thousands to come I wanted to say ‘life is never easy’, there are always ups and downs, u may see I brag here, and tell u about all of my weaknesses that I had, but all these is not to humiliate myself but rather educate. I believe that, you guys, my beloved offspring will benefit the most from all this, will be able to have a grasp of how life looks like, at least may be not from some Nobel laureate winner, or the prime minister, less or more a jedi, but at least from the perspective of your own father, and may our love grows, like I had always had :-)

The Few Last Days of Life

Assalamualaikum w.b.t., how’s life Hanafiah? Haha, it seems u’re quite down recently, no worries, im sure u’ll spring up back to life like u always had, haha, insyaAllah.

Wow, okay, from now on, im trying to get used to talk or writing my feelings for u guys, my kids to read, but this is important, for one of the basic things in life that I wanted to teach u guys, but maybe in the future I cant due to lots of unwanted circumstances, but then again rest assured for it can be learned here, from this secluded post in my boring, loooogggg, text-book like blog.

You see kids, recently, I had this chance, an unwanted one, the one I reluctant heavily due to well, lots of perplexing ideas that I will unravel as I proceed here. Recently, my father, yes, your grandpa I shud say, asked me to find him an old folk’s home, so my auntie, mak ngah coincidentally had a fren that opened an institution for old folk people, and she urges to bring me there to have a grasp look at the place. So, I went there last week, I borrowed car from your grandma and went to my auntie’s house in Taman Cuepacs, Cheras.

For your information, my father, once live nearby, in Taman Mudun but now lives in Ampang, so next time if sumone asks about ur grandparents, u know where they live, or any place they had stay when they’re still alive. After sending ur grandma to S. Alam, I went straight to Cheras, See, how strong ur grandma is, not only in the form of physical attributes but in sense of responsibility in fulfilling her task as educator as well?  She still can afford to go to work even at the age 64, tho I don’t know how long will it takes, I wish for her the best in life, and ill always be by her side, like u guys will always be by mine, hopefully. I was very tired and sleepy because I didn’t sleep the night before due to a World Cup game that I watched with ur uncle Sufian.

It was frustrating at first to find the house, but sumhow mak ngah managed to find it, I guess it’s true when people said, where there’s a will, there’s a way. I step up out of the car, and it was around late noon, but the heat combined with the cold of the air conditioned vicinity when I was in the car earlier suits me best, and I take a slow, small step walking into the small, limited compound of the house. 

Technically speaking, it wasn’t actually a house, but a small mosque, a surau more like it. Tho it had been converted to an old folks home, the sacred function of the mosque still exist. Every night, there will be people in the nearby area come and pray in jemaah. 

No matter how much it changed, no matter how far the world progress, no matter how many time had passed on, one of the sacred, best, effective institution that is NEVER affected by the dirty hands of unfaithful slave even the hard, iron clawed politicians that may had the slick ideas to manipulate and manage their cunning, stealthy way into winning favors and votes from society by using the mosque as a wrong medium in spreading their filthy, unacceptable propaganda which is just sum disgustful polemic, trying to cover it in the name of Islam or perhaps the worsening situation of our beloved environment, global warming, or economy recession or whatever catastrophic disaster instigated by the wrongdoings of us humans or well, whatever the reason is, the time is constant in here, and even when the outside world seem to be chaotic, and full of destructions and war, but in here there’s only peace, and ur task here is to make sure ur mind is focused on carrying out ur responsibility, to strengthen ur faith, the bond between u and God, Subhanallah, thus  that is why we often regard the mosque as  the house of God.   

Remember kids, that everytime, EVERY time u’re lost, no, please don’t use the GPS joke here, u know what im trying to say rite fellas? Haha. If u lost or sumhow stucked at the end of long, winding, complicated road, u can restart here, by praying to God, and beg Him for mercy, for directions, to give u a new chance, cause we humans, even the blessed ones  are prone to mistakes, and I am sooo full of it that its hard for me to tell you this, I admit ive done lots of mistakes, too much unwanted errors, and dis time im gonna make it right, and carry out my duty as a father as good as I could be tho im no longer by yourside, and if I no longer do, let me remind you for thousand, billion times that I love u, and I will always love u guys, and please let me remain in the small space of ur big heart, okay? Haha.

The mosque was quite okay, and I walked inside. On the walls, hanged lots of pictures of IPT students that came there to do visits, or do welfare’s work to fulfill their designed co-curricular activities. Plus there are lots of beautiful, hand-made souvenirs, with wishful words jotted on it perhaps created by the artistic hands of the visitors, well, kata-kata itu doa, or so they used to say, thus hopefully writing it on will have a huge impact on these left-out, old, so old there they no longer able to read, suited to be dwellers of the old folk’s home. Tetapi, kata2 dan perbuatan yang baik pasti akan mendapat balasan yang baik, bear dat in mind kids, and before u guys wanted to pull off any good deeds, no matter towards anybody, make sure, be certain its 100% sincere and straight from your burning passionate heart.

I sit on the chair, the makcik, the mosque keeper, the main person in charge in making these good deed to happen and continuing it with limited budget served me a cold orange juice. I let it be, and listen to what she wanted to say, and after hearing her explanation, I talked with her husband, and one of the sentences that I really like and I wanted to quote it here is ‘kita merancang, Allah pun merancang, TETAPI, perancangan Allah itu lebih baik’. Those words, reaaaally left a huge impact on me, yes, I know it is quite common sense, I know it’s a small thing, tiny sentence, but small things meant a lot, and this meant huge one. 

The conversation went on, and since he is an elder, I mostly listen to what he was saying, and along the conversation I paused, and I muttered these words ‘….bukan senang nak memikul tanggungjawab, tetapi untuk meninggalkannya mudah sekali….’ Or sumthing similar, I guessed. The makcik and pakcik nodded agreeing.

Kids, life is hard, life is harsh, but never neglect your responsibility, carry it out as sincere as you can, and believe me, you will never have to face the slightest dirt of regret as you proceed in this fragile life, and this bitter harsh of experience that ive gone through wouldn’t had happened if i were more responsible and if u do carry it out to the best of ur limited abilities, I promise u will see the good part, no, the best part life can offer you.

And the first, foremost important responsibility, the charge that I want u guys to sincerely take on and never let a little sense of negligence or any other negative feeling that is often created by the temptations of evil devil which I often regretfully gave in too thus realizing, succeeding their effort to sent Adam’s child accompanying them to be damned in hell is…..your responsibility on your religion, your faith, better said the responsibility as a muslim. And if u held onto dis dearly, then u will automatically know other responsibility by yourself, and carrying it out is no sweat at all, haha.

You see, I NEVER liked the fact im sending anyone here, not because its not a beautiful place, not because it’s not suitable, but the guilt, my conscience are eating me up and as I walk in, as I make my way in and out of the vicinity of the area, I felt overwhelmed with compassion and heard the echoes of my heart being torn apart.

Ever since I was small, my mum, had always taken care of grandpa, me and abang always there to help her, yeah fortunately there was young people to help accomplish the physical needs of my late grandfather, we, the ones with the strength and brawns of young people were able to support my mum in which she lacks the most, the time and physical strength to help my grandfather, Haji Kadir bin Yunus. Remember dis name kids, cos I want u guys to pray for him if u had time, and sedekahkan al fatihah to him too. And never once the idea of sending my grandpa came across my mother's mind.

The condition of the mosque is well taken care of, the bathing room was okay, there are about 6 male occupants and there are 20 female residents from various backgrounds, and different races lived there. As I see their face, looking back at me in perplexed manner, sum of them were looking at me as if hoping I would be one of their relatives to come and visit them, but after realizing im not, the sadness, the loneliness, the feeling of being rejected from their family members, the feeling of as if being left out to die in that place, the feeling of disappointment, grief and sorrow are obviously seen on every small corner of their soulless eyes, empty, as if their naïve, but pure hopes for a better tomorrow is diminished instantly by the great tide of time and limited physical and financial potential, and every glimpse of the pupil share a sad story, open to those who are willing to listen patiently thus my presence there, standing, staring deeply in honoring, and fast stead manner perhaps digs up, maybe not much, but a slight dirt of their broken hearts; the dirt which was once pure and white yet fiery burning expectations they put up for their beloved offspring which is now only dead and rotten, eaten by the sands of time.

Kids, do u know why i wrote this in the first place? If somehow in distant future, dis kind of things came across your mind, and maybe at that time Im no longer able to take care of my own personal things, my hygiene and other stuff, and if u have decided where u will send me, just know about how i felt living in such place, remember this because even no matter whatever the words that came out of my mouth, i did that for the sake of relieving ur burden, and painfully soothing my broken heart, because deep in my conscious mind i pray not to live in such place even for a single day because i believe the place of a father lies with their children and vice versa, not with strangers, especially at the critical time of my lifeline, the few last years of my life on earth, where we need each other, no, where i need you guys the most, and living there is definitely a highlight of my life.

Fortunately he had decided not to go there, which is a relief to me, and i wish he could always found happiness even without me by his side. His time is now, and im doing what i could do even deep in my heart, i admit there are lots more things needed to be improved, but with dis short time, with dis huge amount of reluctance, i wonder if the history will repeat itself? will i see the same thing and feel what it feels like to be in his shoes? right now, there are lots of things going thru my mind, and im praying for lots of things, even i seldom met him, and rarely attend to his crucial needs, or seldom gave him a call, i always pray for the best of you, my father, like I always had.