Let's Go

Assalamualaikum kids, how's life? Yeah, it's ur pa again, haha. Sweet, tonite, recently, im planing to do something, i believe it's time for me to try and get out of this complacence and try achieving a much greater, achieveable short-term wins, which eventually will help me to achieve the things that i desire the most.

So, undeniably, i aint superman, and there are times, even without proper explaination, or maybe just my guess that the level of testosterone in my body starts to deteriorate, or whatever the reason is that made me sometimes hopelessly helpless, i believe that one's desire to continue loving is quite a great force to be reckoned with, and solely base on this unreasonably purpose i will make changes in life, changes that are needed, that i cant deny its level of importance that will make huge impact on my short, fragile life.

And at some point in life, i have the feelings to empower others, to make others feel motivated, to make them feel good about themselves, to let them see their own positivity, the way I've always seen on them. And, hopefully with God's grace, having such unique, endearing personality will help me attain some of those very valuable, priceless quality.

I love you guys. Aku seriusly sayang korang. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Lets go further. We...we can do this. Our underlying potential is not about to stop here; greater achievements are waiting. Let's go. Don't ever give up, keep on fighting like you always had.

The Tsunami, Konami and Namida

Assalamualaikum kids, how’s life? Its been quite sumtime since I last post sumthing here, yeah, im kinda busy…I guess, maybe all the things I wanna jot down had gone away just like the water under the bridge, I know it may not be the correct idiom but for now, it seems to be the best choice of words I cud think of.

Dewasa ini, friends, family often asked me about one thing; when Im gonna get married? When Im gonna be able to see u guys? I'd say "jodoh tu macam rezeki, apa yang boleh kita lakukan hanyalah berusaha, dan berdoa, dan kalau Allah nak beri rezeki ni kadang kala tanpa disangka-sangka dan di luar kemampuan pemahaman akal kita, jadi tunggu je la, haha". Haha, okay, the second part is exaggerating and may seem to be a little bit too distant into the future, but deep down that’s one of the questions I often find myself asking, maybe even further. Never mind, lets not rush the future, and let these good times roooolll, sloooowly, haha.

Recently, one of my idolized country, Japan had faced an earthquake of 8.9 magnitude and the earthquake caused about 10 metres tall of tsunami wave which caused a major hit especially in Miyagi Prefecture. FYI, ‘tsunami’ is ‘big wave’ in Japanese while ‘konami’ stands for  ‘small wave’, while the word ‘namida’ stands for ‘tears’ that one often shed whenever they felt sad. One of the amazing things about this country, is that their citizens are very educated, civilized and have high civic awareness, and few other things that made them standout from other high-paced, technology-advancing countries. Even in the nations where modernization and technology had grown tremendously, they never neglect their traditions and they place the bonding and relationship between people high above other things, sumthing that is rarely found especially in most country.

So, even the 'tsunami's already gone, but i believe that it had created a 'konami' in the heart of the Japanese, a small wave of awareness, a wave of respecting, tolerance, and being gentle and nice (yasashi) towards each other which will make them much stronger and  will rise again to be one of the worlds great force to reckon with; a great 'tsunami' and the great samurai will stand back on his feet again. And, not only I would like to pray and convey my condolences to the country of the rising sun, but I’d also to wish takziah to my friend, ur uncle Ayen or Wan Azrin Wan Azhar for his loss. His younger brother passed away recently. Al Fatihah.

This week’s kinda busy tho, but sumhow I managed to squeeze a lil bit of my time to write, well, its for educational purposes lagipun, takpa, it’ll sumhow improve my writing, I hope.

One of these days I got this one feedback, one statement that frequent to my ears, which is saying im a ‘skema’ or geek, haha. Yeah, ur father’s a geek, so suck it up and how I was able to meet ur mum was definitely a wonder that nor I nor the greatest mind on earth can figure out; there’s no logic in how God do His work, and we, the humble servant could only stare, feeling amazed and blessed to be taken into consideration into one of uncountable God’s greatest plans. And you my beloved kids, the greatest gift I yet to receive.

I have lots of things to say actually, and I always wanted to give people a piece of my mind, but often I held it back, because u have to commit to what you have spoken, practice what you preach and walk the talk. But often I found myself preaching the same things, its probably because I wasn’t actually reminding my listeners rather im reminding myself to step up and live up to the things I have said.

Well, I think its best if I take my leave now. Things are going pretty well lately, Alhamdulillah, jangan berputus asa dengan rahmat Tuhan; and remember dat ‘kalau kau lari, aku lari jua’. Sesungguhnya sesudah kesukaran ada kesenangan, dan kesudahan yang baik adalah bagi orang-orang yang beriman, Wallahualam. I love you guys, pray for my success in the future, and I will always love you, like I always had.

Blunt Like James Blunt, Wait....Yeah, Sure

Assalamulaikum kids? How's life? Wll, today is the day that I have nothing to talk about, nothing important whatsoever, nevertheless Ill try to say some things, good things to you guys, well...what? Why bother u asked? I just feel like stroking each letter on this antique, vintage laptop, and now, please, let the keyboard do the talking :-)

Today is kinda gloomy cause its raining meow and woofy outside, ever since morning, and im stuck here in the room, only accompanied by the loud songs of Sam Tsui's cover of 'Just A Dream'. Well, you could try to google it if you have time.

I am actually so blunt today, i cant even express my feelings the way I used to, most of the time I just felt like keeping quiet, and listen to the heavy noise of the rain striking down the rusty roof, and watching every single bit of the water pouring from the drain. Life seems to be slow now, and deep down I appreciate for having the chance to laid back. The darkness of human mind, seems to be inactive now and all the words seem to be improperly placed. Well, its not a bright side, but I still wish to convey it to you guys.

To anyone that came (and I pray you'll stay) thank you, thanks a bunch for entering my life, I...I cant thank enough. I will always love you guys, and you kids too definitely, like I always had.

It Must've Been Love...But It's Over Now

Assalamualaikum w.b.t. kids. Well. Im speechless tonight. I don’t even know why, but there are time, wait..lotsa times I just wanna sit quietly and observe. But I realize, to become a great father, uve gotta speak up, be frank, and love unconditionally. There are lotsa rules, but, the rules also apply differently to different children, but love is not a game, it has consequences, and the outcome of every actions you put onto you guys will definitely gonna affect your future, and your most valuable asset is not sumthing worth jeopardizing.

♫♪ It must've been love....but its over now, It must've been good...but I lost it somehow..♪♫

So, by the moment Im writing this I was listening to this song, by an artist called Roxette and the song’s name is ‘It Must’ve Been Love’ so, well, im the kind of person that not only listen to the rhythm but also the lyrics, and like a fragile, wondering mind ive always been, this song got me thinking more..and more, about love. I know, all my posts had always been about love, its love this, or love that, yeah we all got the point that love is very important, and when you sincerely love someone, from the depths of your heart, it’ll show, without any act, and you don’t need fancy gifts or beautiful roses as a sign of your deep love.  

Unlike sum of my friends, I never had the chance to witness a simple affection between ur parents like ur aunty suhaila had. Its simple, but…you know there’s sumthing there, its not plastic, fake and not superficial. There’s an unknown, unseen bond, a mysterious force that binds all these things together, and sumhow everything miraculously falls appropriately into its place, where everything belongs casually, like fate; and there is no reasonable, logical explanation to all these things.

Before I end my writing I wanna say thanks for all the wishes.

Em, to my beloved friends kalau aku ada salah dan silap, maafkanlah kerana sesungguhnya yang buruk itu datang dari kelemahan aku sendiri, dan yang baik itu datangnya dari Allah s.w.t., dan kalau ada futsal, kenduri kawen ke, tahlil ke, ajak la, aku akan cuba datang, kerana kalau korang lari, aku akan lari jua, insyaAllah :-)

Sesunguhnya sesudah kesukaran ada kesenangan

I also wud like to thank ur uncle kaia, uncle apis, uncle pian, uncle adam, uncle zhafril, uncle ali for the advise and guidance, for looking out after me, thanks a lot.

It may seem cold but I can feel the warmth of your heart, thank you friends, I love you guys ,and you guys too, like I always had :-)

Rezeki Datang Sekali Sekala, Syukur Kena Selalu

Assalamualaikum Hanafiah? How’s life? Haha, cool eh, you’re getting older, wiser, and you’ve began to embrace and appreciate life from lotsa aspects. Yeah, it’s important too that as we get older that we should not forget to cherish the child in ourselves. Still unemployed eh? Nevermind, good things will come, good things will come, insyaAllah.

Hmm, I think its been quite sumtime that ive always told about the miseries that ive been thru, well I guess its time to turn over a new leaf and let bygones be bygones. Plus I aint sum emo kid, so enuf with those heart throbbing, mind blowing posts (haha, perasan sejenak). Neway kids, Im 24 now, its so freaking cool cos…well, I just think its great for a person to grow old and die, mengucapkan 2 kalimah syahadah in the arms of their beloved, and letting their offspring, their kids to do the last task, the last order a parent would’ve wanted from their beloved children, which is to bathe them properly, respectfully, and most important to be really careful as their parents, like their hearts too, even can be seen from the naked eye, the most fragile thing, thus handle it with care as they the most valuable thing in the world. 

Frankly speaking, I was never a good child. There are times I let my emotions to sway my sanity, and let anger take control, often I let ur grandma down, often I took ur grandpa for granted, no matter how many negativity I had done, or how many mistakes, I just pray that I will never do hat again, and if I will, I pray to be given the chance to beg for forgiveness. I realize, there are lots of things I need to improve, but starting aint easy, but I would like to give it my best shot.

I’ve few things that im planning, and suddenly I felt there’re just too many routes for me to run, the ocean is so big and the wind is blowing in so many directions, the sky is so vast that I can fly towards any direction too; and I hope no matter which path I take, wherever my leg is taking me, or which direction im going, I pray that I’ll end up in some good, blessed place surrounded with great people, great friends, and respectable rivals.

Im glad I took this training, I learned lotsa new things, I learn to troubleshoot and create few things, I began to appreciate knowledge more, and im surrounded by people who are thirst for knowledge, surrounded by people with the same great desire as mine; which is to improve themselves and find a stepping stone into the career they wanted. It’s not easy, we may not be lucky enuf to be employed, but to be united in such fateful event, I cant be more thankful :-)

Rezeki datang sekali sekala, tapi syukur kena selalu. 

Hanafiah, selamat harijadi, semoga panjang umur dan murah rezeki selalu. It’s time we buckle up, shift the gear, speed up, run like the wind, and face new challenges in life! Kalau kau lari, aku lari jua. I love you like I always had.

I Will Always Love You

Assalamualaikum w.b.t Hanafiah? How's life again? haha, it seems ur frens are getting bz, and yeah its undeniably u wud feel lonely at times as they make their preparations as they proceed with their life, its perplexing, ironic that u wished u cud be part of it, help them making plans, yet wanting to make ur own plans and at the same time wishing all these good times we're having will never end; but that's how life work, God had set it to run on its own mechanism, and no one will ever be able to break the system He had created; thus be thankful, and be prepared to face the never forgetful death. 

2010 was the most dramatic year I've ever had in my life. I lost love, found it, and lost it again, I finally met my first crush after 9 years but the feelings are no longer there, I went to practical, getting the first perspective on how working situation would feels like, I made friends, lotsa friends, I finally able to meet the girl whom I had laid out my life plan with her on a dinner only to find her now dating my classmate, I built lotsa hope and plans and see em getting crushed; oh, did I mention I graduated? Yeah, it was awesome, to certain extent that is, I played football, i do lotsa things to cope up with stress, and make myself busy with trivial things like there was this one week I played futsal from monday until friday, and football on the saturday, there's also this one time I played futsal at 12.am. and followed by a 10km run the following morning and finished with football in the evening.And I cud never find any significant reasons why i did all these, but I just know that it's a challenge, it's sumthing I must overcome, sumthing that I must do to improve. 

As you progress in life, there are lotsa people who will throw things to you, and you will make friends with em, and the experiences you had with em will help you differentiate the good qualities they had. 2010 is the year where I was desperate for love, money, knowledge, desperate to improve myself. I know, since when did improving myself start to be a reaallly bothering aspect in my life. Well, everyone has their moment to do this 360..wait, maybe 180 degrees turnaround? and mine started like after SPM, but nowadays the it gets more and more desperate, but I dont know at what part, or how can i measure the level of improvement for me to be fully satisfied?

Hmm....life is all about balance, and...in my situation, I need to be more balanced. You see, people who are not satisfied with what they have is the kind of people that is not being thankful for what they have in life, and God despises those people. Kids, never, ever fall into that category, becos such people they dont know to count their blessings and never be thankful in life. But at the same time, we should never just rest, and take things slowly, spacing out, chilling when we should strive. Thus this is where the difference between great men and ordinary people. Strive as hard as you can, do the best in all the things you could put ur effort on, whether sports, studying, wooing girls, or praying; perform as best as you could, and never forget to do it sincerely, from the bottom of your heart. And pray your passion will last, and the result, the outcome of your every ounce of energy you worked out will not led to wastage, and left in vain. 

 I love you guys, and the beginning of this new year marks another one step closer for us to meet. Right now, i just wanna express my love, tho I just cant seem to find the right person yet, so I dont think its pointless, or stupid to convey it to you guys, my beloved offsprings. I pray for us to become great person, and contribute something, maybe if we cant contribute anything to humanity and mankind, its sufficient enough we contribute it to our beloved family and friends, and able to perform our task and khalifas as our fragile life still breathes. I love you like I always had.

Sesungguhnya kesudahan yang baik adalah bagi orang-orang yang beriman :-)

As a Cow, Today is the Day I Die with Glory! Salam Aidil Adha

Salam Hari Raya Aidil Adha…wow…its ironic that despite this festive day that most of us look forward to; not just becos we wanted to have a day off, but also to be in the arms of great companions and enjoy delicious, great food, my mood is nowhere to be seen, im lost but im not out of words and the sentence slowly accumulated as I stroke every piece of the letters on this keyboard, thus what im jotting down is spontaneous, impromptu, it came out at the spur of moment of my mind that ironically again seems to be wandering somewhere else. Well, as long as u can produce a result, who gives an elf about the process and methodology, we’re not writing a final year project thesis here, its just sum blog on the net that was at first dedicated for an anonymous person like I am to ramble anything that was bothering my mind, but somehow it evolved as something more; rather than just a blog, it became a a small corner in this vast cyberspace that perhaps even it is too small to be noticed by others, but its sufficient enough for me, sufficient enough to contain all the feelings I wished I had conveyed, it’s also an estranged, mysterious entity that will hear all the things I wish I could preach or conveyed easily but due to lots of circumstances or maybe perhaps its just that my mind tot too much, well, I always think too much, like I always had.

Ps: did I just write the entire paragraph using only 2 sentences? Haha, I did babble a lot, well, suck it up guys, im your pa after all :-)

Assalamualaikum kids, how’s life? Today’s actually Hari Raya Aidil Adha, yup, korban! Sweeet eh? Not only you get a day off but u get to eat your delicious mummy’s cooking and the daging korban too. Wait, what did your mother cook? Hope she didn’t get u guys sum unhealthy fast food eh? Haha.

There are lotsa morals u can cook up from hari raya aidil adha, not only just cow body parts excluding the horn and testicles, haha. Like its name implies, hari raya korban…is about sacrifice, and the intention of doing so is indeed sacred. The cows that were slaughtered will not go to waste but to be given to the poor and the unfortunates. 

The important spirit of sacrifice if to be viewed from a perspective in life; for me could be described in lots of ways. Sacrificing lots of things for lots of things. I cant really elaborate much except that when the time comes, u guys will know when to initiate it and when you do so, u will do it without regrets. And I pray that you will take each path in life without any sense of regrets, like I always had wished :-)

Choosing Songs, Choosing Love, Choosing Death..Well, U Cant Choose the Last Two

Assalamualaikum kids? How’s life? Well, I don’t really feel like talking about myself today, well yeah u can guess, I just don’t have the mood but my urge to write, the sensation whenever I stroke each sentence on the keyboard just one of the feelings I’d like to feel whenever Im down, aside from feeling the breeze onto my face whenever I went for a jog, but just like the a robot with the greatest efficiency, my time is now, only it is much more frequent.

Recently, one of my friends, no, wait…lots of my friends came knocking some serious, heart throbbing senses that well occurred due to unexpected situation that I instigated, the certain atmosphere I created in order to calm myself, to discuss the outcome of certain problems that we had, but like most radio channels that we often switch whenever we wanted to listen to a song, but somehow the only thing that they often played was the unwanted, annoying, effing songs, well, the analogy of searching, the great quest for everlasting love could much more be described that way.

Well, how could we euphemize such tragic, eventful situations that rarely occur in our life with the most common thing that we often do? Well, here goes. Just imagine, the one you would like to have, ur mr or mrs right is somewhere out there, just like a song you always longing to hear, to feel every part of its beat, every rhythm, making efforts to memorize every bits of its lyrics, the joy of hearing is so sensational as the passion making its way into ur core, pure heart. 

Thus, u want to hear those kinda songs, but as you progress from a channel to another, your efforts seem to be fruitless, but not meaningless, becos you may get to hear other songs too, but its just not THAT song. So, you continue searching, and often you find hearing about advertisements, or hearing the deejay craping, or crack a stupid joke, or well if you selected certain frequency you’ll be delighted with motivations and tazkirah,  you kept on searching, and continue hoping you’ll find it, but the reason you cant find it is not because you’re not making enough effort, it’s just you changed the channel at the wrong time, sometimes you kept on selecting for ten, dozen channels, but none of them are to ur liking, and in the end you just had to be satisfied with the song that was in the air at that moment. U may not get the best song for you, but it was the best for you at that moment, and God had chosen that song for you to hear, and like the wise had always said, the deejay know the listeners better :-)

There are so many things in life that I wish I could convey, to make a simile, a comparison between an event with the daily things using one of the uncountable God’s greatest creations that is the mind, the human brain, the medulla oblongata (of course im just stating things here) or whatever force that enabled us to be incredibly, magnificently sane, so damn good and mysteriously, enchantingly enticing that it attracts others into conducting one’s actions, but as much as I want to convey my weird, unique ideas to the whole world, and creating lots of other similes, I realized that you were wrong when you start to compare God’s miraculous, wondrous creation with His servant’s tiny puny little ‘toys’ which indeed requires huge amount of force, a numerous work, lotsa force calculations, insane understanding of computer programming and the big, cold bucks in order to achieve what He had achieve thus making us  realize that the greatness, the superiority of Allah, the creator of all.

And kids, by the time Im no longer around, please beg for His mercy to spare me from all the unwanted accumulated sins and wrath of hellfire. From Him I had come, and to Him I shall return. I love you guys, no matter how weird a father I had become during my lifetime, and will always do so, like ive always had.  

Back to the Basic of All Basic

Assalamualaikum Hanafiah? How’s life? I hope ure in the pink of health, like we always had wanted, and yeah, when health no longer shines its ray upon our frangible body, and as our physicals were in the twilight years, the remnants of every breath is as crepuscular as the diminishing sunlight in the western hemisphere; the undeniable truth that we no longer strong, not capable like we used to be struck our about-to-be bald head and even we’re starting to feel all this wonderful and thankful feeling of able growing old but still we cant deny about the stereotypical worries in our golden age and it somehow bothers me, well…lets worry about it later, when we're really old. Like my friend had once advised us “keep ur priorities straight”. We have other issues to resolve today, now. Like what uve always told me, don’t put off things u can do today for tomorrow, dan like u’ve always accompany every advice u gave with this statement; sesungguhnya itu adalah nasihat utk kita berdua :-) 

Assalamualaikum kids? How’s life? Frisking cool? Not? Well, I hope ure guys are fine, becos ive been down that road, it wasn’t suck, its just that it wasnt a pretty sight...well I just realize I love to have friends around. And if I was, I wasn’t spending much time writing here, haha, well, as I grow up, thanks to ur uncle Sufian, uncle Hafiz, uncle Zhafril, uncle Adam and lots more people that im unable to state here, I had started to come out of the cocoon and became more outgoing, more social, more adaptive and open to the fact that just bcos u make friends with women, its not a bad thing, just know ur limit, and if u don’t, its time to back to the basic, the very basic guidance that I used too, the basic that most of people in my era forgot to follow including me in the first place, the simplest guideline, yet the hardest to follow due to well, the reason may seems to be unbeknownst to some of us, but the truth is probably we just didn’t see it; becos we see what we wanted, and as soon as we realized it, its already too late and that basic guidance my beloved is the Holy Quran. Whenever ure stuck in life, feeling down, or lost your way as you sail thru the tides of big, monstrous tsunami, entangled complicatedly between doing wrong and right things, fear not my beloved kids for this holy book is the guideline to u guys to be back on your smelly, cute yet flimsy feet and pray to the Almighty as you put in humongous amount of sweaty effort to get yourself together and may He granted what you had always pray for, like He always had.

Aint a Fishmonger, But I Just Like Fishes

Assalamualaikum Hanafiah, how's life? Haha, i hope the best for you. I am speechless now, but that doesnt mean im not rooting and praying for your success in life, God bless you my friend.

Assalamualaikum kids? How’s life? Its been quite some time since I last wrote something, but nevermind, maybe ive always babble to you about how  my mind is always occupied with things, well, it seems they still are, haha, and it’ll continue even worse. Trying to be a responsible grown up seems to be really hard compared to my younger days. Heavy thoughts started to bombard my tiny, limited space brain lobes as early as I wake up in the morning. Before I could proceed, there are things I need to clarify, things that I need to tell, that had been in my chest for quite sometime. I wanted to admit that I am full of negativities, there are lots of things that I need to rectify in order for me to be able soaring up the sky alongside the flocks of few good men that ive always wanted to join, which right now it seems impossible because I’m still searching for myself. I wanted to tell how selfish I was, yeah selfish, ikan kering, ikan kembong, pari, all that good stuff u guys like to eat, ahha, okay enough joke. That is just the fact I am, and changing that fact seems to be so hard right now, but I hope with God’s grace, when u guys came I will no longer be the selfish custard I was.

Recently, a person comes knock that hard-to-digest truth and shove it straight up to my face, and I was vomiting with anxiety and nervousness and my self defense mechanism was only the ‘haha’ that I replied via yahoo messenger. Well, that’s obviously one of the positive side having the massive information library or the advance technology of communication so called ‘internet’ at your fingertip, and what they told you about truth, just like its good-for-nothing, son-of-a-gun, lifelong buddies, bff, wtf, ‘love’ or whatever they call it today; ‘love-before-marriage’, ‘unrequited love’ and its close complementing counterpart ‘truth’ hurts, like hell, well that’s kinda overrated, but hell yeah!

I am indeed selfish, and Im sorry, there are lots of examples, lots of things that I had done, lotsa testis…er testimonials from lotsa witness that make up as evidence to all this accusations that I received, and as much as I want to be the cool-bad-ass guy that hot chick had always fallen for, I am indeed NOT. I am lame, weak, a jerk and I admit that but Im trying to change it. Few things that I learned about changes are that it is not as easy as ABC, but its also not impossible. And as person who had always see this as an unofficial challenge, or maybe because its just my ego talking, I really want to prove at least myself that ‘if I manage to change, it will not only benefit me, but also other people as well’. With this mindset, im pushing it forward. I know, I should’ve not done that, being selfish and all but I have to admit that, I do enjoy writing these, not for the sake amusement, but as a lesson for me to steer myself better before making my way into someone’s heart.

And u guys, the pro bono lawyers that will set me free from all these false accusations with your loud, in-the-middle of night cry, with smelly, unwanted dirty diapers, hungry stomach, and annoying-yet-cute curiosity that will make any bar exam seems trivial enough and will make me prove not to anyone but my sorry self that I will not be a selfish person, insyaAllah.

And I seriously don’t know what to say from now on… things are not good lately, im jobless, talking about having you kids seem to be a very distant, impossible dream that I’ll never have, and lots of other things that made me felt very pulled down, thus standing same level with my friends seems to take huge effort and great motivation. If people said I had achieved stability in life, well, i hope what theyre saying is true. I wish us the best in life, and I could only pray things will become all good and we’ll get along again, and with God’s grace I’ll get by somehow, like I’ve always had :-)

Employing the Unemployed Jedi (No Effing Mindtricks)

Assalamualaikum w.bt. Hanafiah, how’s life? Well, how did u cope up with unemployment? Sucks eh when most of your applications were turned down, haha, naaah, never mind dat, just make do with the chances that u get now, and hopefully my faithful, indecisive friend, may God be with you with very vital decision u had to do in life.

Salam kids, its been quite sumtime non? Haha, nevermind, ur dad’s kinda busy now, well…lets just say, that his mind is occupydo with er…important, serious thing, that had been a challenge to the post modernized mind of last century, which was about….nothing, haha, im just being sarcastic. Nevertheless, I am now a yakuza, who is on my important, secretive mission to save the world, the mankind….yeah…it’s a role playing videogame, nevertheless I do feel the urge to at least contribute in changing the world for a better place for us, for u small beloved guys to live in.

Its been quite sumtime eh since I keep u guys updated, well, what can I say, eventho I may not be busy, but…my mind are always occupied, and there are always things to think about, and the number of my grey hairline keeps increasing each day. Luckily ur grandma didn’t notice it, or else she wuldve made fun of me by asking me to use inai, mana boleh, tak macho la, kan? Haha, bru mcm Richard Gere (for u guys whu don’t know whu the heck is that fella, go and google it up)

Okay, where do we start eh guys….hmm..lets talk about my job as a grape farmer (grape farmer=penanam anggur=penganggur=someone who is jobless)  well, this is definitely not the highlight of my life. Being a NEET (Not in Employment, Education, or Training) reaaaallly sucks, well at sum point when u get to wake up late and play games…but it still sucks, big one! Why? It’s because, first, every where I go people wud ask “Buat apa skang?” or “Kerja mana?” and I was like er…. Why the …. u ask? Well, its becos that most of the places that I applied for are not willing to take me in, becos we’re fresh graduate, but WTF (kids, don’t use this derog language esp when speaking with ur eslders eh) if im not effing working, where the effing place am I suppose to get my effing experience, rite? (again, please minus the ‘effing’ part and if u take such a language against me or ur mrs Hanafiah we’ll gonna give u guys big one, yeah a reeeeaaallly big slap on the effing face, whops I did it again, haha) so I was tossing back and forth on my job applications, I went for several interviews, my first interview was with Canadian Electrics that operates the flight simulator in Air Asia training school, but I didn’t get that, even the interviewer was kinda assuring like we’ll gonna get it, which I later learned that if the company didn’t call  you, they just don’t give a fu…they just don’t care and your application is rejected, haha.

So, realizing I was in a distress situation, one of my closest, dearest friend, happened to came across this MSC website, no, its not miscellaneous website, not sum x-rated website either, it stands for Multimedia Super Corridor that was set up by the ministry in order to help such um…unfortunate graduate like us who might wanted to venture into Information Technology. The company will provide training for fresh graduates, and I registered into it. For the first time I got few calls from these ICT companies calling me to submit resume and came to their office for much better, much anticipated interview session. Some of the company had quite a reputation in this cutting edge technology field, thus being an engineering student I was unsure that I can live up to the company’s expectation, but I realize this, people are moving forward, and I cant expect myself to be left out behind. I will take this opportunity and do my best. I decided that I will further my study part time, yeah, like most of the people who had taken study part time to get the highly valuable scroll, it is not easy, well, nothing in this world that is valuable can be easily achieved, so please be grateful, and thankful whenever u manage to pull throughout the sharp obstacles. 


Studying and working part time is aint easy. And I don’t know if I can do this, but if you guys ask me like one of the interviewers asked me with a slight grin on his face as if knowing that I would chickened out; and wondering whether I am up to the challenge or not, well, just consider you just found yourself a new, tremendous rival. I will do whatever it takes to improve my life, and I believe by pursuing master’s degree will not only get better pay, but I will also contribute to the socio-economy of my beloveds thus improving your guys’ lifestyle, haha, hopefully, InsyaAllah.

There was once this company that I went for interview, and the position I was applying for was a management trainee, but I learned a day before that as a management trainee u’re in charge of making sales, and selling the product of the company to people i.e. direct selling is seriously not my cup of tea. I got this information when I went for a local recruitment firm located in Jalan Ampang, in Wisma MCA. The recruiter asked me this…

“Can you tell me about your family?”

“I live with my mom, she’s retired …..”

“So, where did she used to work?”

“She was working in IMR Jalan Pahang….”

“Wait, what’s ur mother’s name?”

“Her name’s Rojmah…”

“I think I know your mom, my mom used to work there too…..”

So you guys get the idea, and then I found out that she’s daughter of Aunty Normah, whom my mother used to buy cookies from every year for raya. Why we buy em instead of producing it ourselves? Well, lets just say, ur grandma don’t bake cookies for raya, we only er…outsource the product supply service to other prospective bakers, which in our case was the very awaited, much anticipated, cookiessiderate Aunty Normah.

Jap, u guys wanna know what do I eat for raya every year? Hm…well when my mom was still around, she usually make two dishes, since she is Orang Negri, so we usually have rendang daging and ayam. In order to contribute towards the economy growth of the local citizens, we decided to live the lemang preparation to someone who is more specialized in lemang cooking field, haha.  The second dish is rebusan, which my mum would buy some daging lembu with its tulang boil into soup, thus it is called rebusan.

The rebusan was definitely one of my favourites, because its easy and simple to make, so your mum can pretty much prepare it or if she’s too busy I can do it myself, and its also because this dish reminds us of my late grandfather, Allahyarham Haji Abd Kadir bin Yunus. Every year, on hari raya, he would eat it, before he eats any other meal, even during his last days. Its kinda funny to eat something delicious yet to feel nostalgic and sad about the taste of the food when the experience supposed to make you happy and joyful.  Well, everyone will go thru that phase, and mine is now, during this festive season, for the rest of my life.

This year, is also like previous year, it was quite dull for me, and my mind is so occupied with various things, the same thing that had bothered me last syawal. 

But this time I had became a jerk, yeah, I did, never tot I was capable of doing so, but, I guess I managed to pull it off, its not sumthing I’d say im proud off, but…I think, its important for u, my beloved kids, to know that the foundation of everlasting, continuous-loving doesn’t built on the foundation of love only, it requires more, and remember also this, that if u reaaaallly love someone, so endearingly that they always stuck on your mind 24-seven, or u like em so much that u felt jealous and envious whenever they talk about other people passionately eventho its silly becos the person they were referring to was some neighbor they’ve known since childhood, if u feel this, and due to certain unwanted circumstances (which I pray none of u will undergo this) u cant be with them, remember this; mencintai seseorang tidak semestinya bersama, when u truly love someone u reaaaallly wish for the best of that respective person, u really want them to achieve their ambitions, even it sucks to just look from far away, achieving all the wonderful glory without our presence, without being the back bone of such tremendous scheme, but if u can pull this most tricky, painstaking method instead of cursing, hating your ex counterpart, well then u, my beloved kids, had just graduated from being a child, and can now walk the same path, run the same pace, and sit equal to my height, no…u guys will be waaay better, InsyaAllah.

Don’t let your heart be filled with hatred, not that it will only lead you to the darkside (no, its not starwars…okay, maybe 20%) and make u astray from the righteous path (okay…30% starwars but im not going to mention any jedi tricks here, ok?)  but the sad part thing if u take up such pathetic option is that u will not only lying not to anyone but your sorry self, but also closing your heart to someone else who deserve you much more, not to mention u will also instigate lots of negativity and u will end up alone, because your friends will be despised, even true friends, true gems that u had always had, but now u just lost em. Instead of holding onto true gems, u’re now stranded and surrounded by shiny but fragile glass and fake, weak plastics.

I have lots more things to say, but I’ll jot it some other time. I just feel like telling u this, that I was a selfish jerk once, and I have lots of shortcomings, but I swear to myself neither none of you will be damn lucky enough to see this ugly side of me. I may be jobless, and full of shortcomings RIGHT NOW, but these little quirks aren’t sumthing that u can train urself in fortnight, it is WHAT YOU ARE, but u can have and still attain these much wanted, respectful criterias ONLY IF it had been unified with urself, when all these good qualities had finally made its way into the core of your continuously-learning mind, when it no longer became an unknown, alienated entity of your beautiful mind, when it had finally penetrate your subconscious mind and affecting your actions, moving your motor system without any self awareness, when u no longer mind doing tiring activity and trying to fulfill the self commitment is no longer a hard, annoying work, ONLY when this happened that u will be able to walk tall with those sifat2 mahmudah on your proud chest thus diminishing the hypocrisy and pretentious act that often came along whenever one decided to adopt, empowering themselves with these great, irreplaceable qualities.

For hundreds time, and thousands to come I wanted to say ‘life is never easy’, there are always ups and downs, u may see I brag here, and tell u about all of my weaknesses that I had, but all these is not to humiliate myself but rather educate. I believe that, you guys, my beloved offspring will benefit the most from all this, will be able to have a grasp of how life looks like, at least may be not from some Nobel laureate winner, or the prime minister, less or more a jedi, but at least from the perspective of your own father, and may our love grows, like I had always had :-)