Already Too Late

19 September 2004 - Nafi was sleeping soundly in his room until his mom suddenly knocked his door. “Adik, bukak pintu ni!! What’re you doing in there? Wake up!” his mom shouted followed by a few bangs on the door. “Ya la, ya la, sabor le” he replied profusely, and hurried to the door an unlocked it.

“Yeah mom, what is that you want?’
“I wanna talk something to you”
“What’s wrong? I don’t think I’ve crashed your car or anything...”
“It’s almost maghrib, go and take your bath first, after that we’ll discuss about it”

“Hmm, ya lah,” he replied while looking to his watch. ‘Damn, melepas lagi la main bola hari ni nampaknya’ he murmured. Later that night, he went to see his mother in her room. “Mom, what is it you wanted to discuss with me earlier?’ he asked, having no idea what she really wanted to speak about while clearing up some space to sit. The room’s so crowded with question papers and student’s examination answer sheet. Not to mention the pile of reference books and files that has been cramping up the room thus making him wished that his mother had a bigger room.

“You know, I really wanted you to meet this particular person…”
“What person?”
“You know that man…”

“That man who refused to stay with us? The man who didn’t want to identify himself when he wanted to know about my PMR results? The man who asked me to be sent to the welfare’s house?” suddenly he interrupted, giving her mother no chance to answer each question coming from him.

“Ha, mom, don’t get it wrong, I’ve no grudge, or whatsoever against him, but I just…” he continued.

“I know, I know, but it’s high time for you to meet him. If it’s not now, I don’t think you’ll have this chance again. Besides, we’re getting older everyday, if anything happened to him, I don’t want you to blame me” his mom’s turn to interrupt his words. Nafi was silent for a while. He thought that grown-ups must really hate their words to be interrupted and how her statement was quite true, and began to wonder about lots of things.

“Ok lah, but what should I address him?”
“It’s up to you”
“Hmm, ya lah”
“Okay, so tomorrow night, we’ll go and meet him”
“Tapi, mak janganla pegi mana-mana lak. I want you by my side”
“Mesti la” his mother replied, with a faint smile, thus giving her son a little sense of relief from his beginning-to-occur nervousness.

20 September 2004 - The Proton car accelerating towards Ampang. “Mom, do we really have to go this fast?” Nafi asked. He realized his heart began to beat faster. This is the first time he felt nervous while sitting in a car that was driven 70 km/ph. “Why? Are you really that nervous?” his mom asked, realizing her son’s feelings also affected hers. “No, why should I?” he tried to cover up, knowing that his mother could sense his nervousness. He learnt at that time that there are things he couldn’t hide from his mother. They were silent after that throughout the journey, only accompanied by the loud songs played by the radio.

Later, after they reached the destination, located in front of Hospital Ampang Puteri, his mother said “so, looks like this is the place” as she gets out of the car. “Mom, do we really have to do this?” Nafi asked, hoping his mother would say no and go back home. “Of course,” his mother replied, short but firmly.
They went across the street and into the restaurant. As they enter the premise, they saw a man sitting, with a stick next to him.

“Is that the guy?”
“Yes, that’s the one”

“Oh, okay…” he whispered as they sit together. He tried to examine him carefully, trying not to show any sign of fatigue or sleepy due to his football game earlier that evening. It’s been years since he gave such concentration to something and sometimes wonders how to initiate the same effect in classroom. “Ni Nafi la ni?” the man asked as they both shake hands. “Er... ya saya,” he replied hesitantly. “Ni dah ada girlfriend belum?” he asked looking to his mother, realizing the boy’s feelings. ‘Ha? After all this years you’ve been leaving me, and now, the first question you asked is this?’ he whispered to himself in disbelief. ‘Am I that ugly that you think I couldn’t find a girlfriend?’ he continued.

“Do you play any sports?” that man asked again. “Er..ada la sikit. I play football sometimes” Nafi replied. ‘Apa ni? Now you’re trying to say I’m fat because I don’t exercise enough? Just because I’m 89 kg, doesn’t mean my punches could become any slower! So you wanna fight, huh? Bring it…’ he paused murmuring, realizing he’s becoming too prejudice of that person. He suddenly felt that he had now become a real jerk, and decided to stop giving out negative statements.

“Excuse me sir, may I take your order please?”
“Let me have this…” that man replied while browsing the menu. After finished ordering, they had some conversation.
“How’s your study?”
“Okay je…”
“SPM’s around the corner, are you prepared?”
“I hope so”
“I wish you the best”
“Thank you”

While eating, Nafi spent most of his time looking on the food, and hears his mom with that guy swapping stories and news. Sometimes he glanced towards him. He tried to find any similarities between him and that man.

After the meal, that man asked Nafi to buy cigarettes from the 7-11 nearby. Nafi accepted the request thinking how ironic that he on the other hand, never took up smoking as a way to past time after eating and hoped he won’t be like him. As he walk slowly towards outside, he heard that man, and his mom chattered, reminiscing their old days.

Later that night, Nafi and his mom gave a lift to that man to his house. After that, Nafi walked him straight to the gate, helping him with his stick. Before the final farewell, that man managed to hug him. In that dark night, brightened by a dim neon lights of the street, Nafi saw a tear, shed by that man.

He realized that that man had made a big mistake, the one that couldn’t be undone, and the damage couldn’t be fixed, the feelings that were hurt could never be healed and it was already too late.
Later, in the car while driving back home, it was silent for a while until his mom suddenly asked.

“So, what do you think?”
“It’s like what you said”
“Do you feel angry, or upset? Or anything else?”

“Nope, mom, you’ve given me lots of things, and I realize, ever since I was born, I’ve been living like a silver spoon in my mouth and never once I regret him not being together with us. All my needs were fulfilled, and that’s enough,” he said while looking outside.

“Yes, and I realize you didn’t address him anything”
“Hmm, I felt kinda awkward”
“And perplexed. Sure, you can’t expect to force 17 years of time to be packed in one night’s time, besides…”
“Besides it’s already too late.”
“Hmm…right.” They ended that conversation there. And tomorrow, everything was back to usual like they had always had.

Arsenal vs Manchester United 2nd Leg Champions League 2009

Argh, napa kalah lg? 4-1 kot agreget ni? Argh!!!!Kalah besar kat home kot, apa ni Arsenal? Buat sia2 aku tak tido malam je, nsb baik kelas tkda sngat pagi tu.

Tak guna nyer Ronaldo, ko bajet lepas gian la tk rembat time 1st leg dulu? Ko nasib baik je la, Fletcher, padan muka ko kena sent off, kan bagus Ronaldo ke, Rooney yg kena? Rafael ni aku rasa mcm nk henjut je!!

Bodoh nyer Gibbs, pasal ko rentak game dah terjejas, arghhh!!!Nasib ko baik je Ferguson, lain kali ko tgk la. Harap2 tapau la ko ngan Barca nanti.

Wenger, rileks, take time and build your super power squad, concentrate kat defend b nyk sket la !!C'mon Arsenal, berusaha lagi like you guys had always had :)

A Trip to GHKL

Salam, em, today, I phoned mom, so other than mumbling abt the high maxis postpaid bils, she talked about she went to GH to finish some business abt her student's practical posting. So, she saidm, dat at the age of 62, she's felt blessed dat she's stil sane, and thanks to her tiring, repetitive work at MSU, she manages to keep all the exercises, social needs, enjoy new circle of friends and have lots of fresh perspectives in life, not to mention all the kindness her students showed. Yeah, at the age of 62, being a single, waking up early in the morning after Subuh, going to work in S.Alam from Ulu Klang, and return back home is something that I tot not most people wud do. Mak also said dat how lucky, and how thankful she is. Well, Mak, I cud only pray for your best in life, and I'll try to become a better son, InsyaAllah. I posted this, just as a reminder of how thankful I shud be. Life is hard, reality sucks, but every cloud have its silver lining kan? so, semoga berjaya Hanafiah, like u've always had :)

Manchester United vs Arsenal Champions League Semifinal First Leg

Argghh,apa ni?Apsal tk defend betul2?!!!Kalau seri dah senang dh kerja kat Emirates nnt, weih, Gibbs, bg bola masuk celah kangkang buat apa?!?!! Bangsat tul!!!

Arghh, nsb baik Almunia power kot, defend korang semua buat apa? gaji juta2, hidup main bola je pun bola cmtu tkleh nk tahan? tkpa, cuba lg nnt, sial tul O'Shea, nsb ko baik je arini.

C'mon Gunners, the Rome Stadio is waiting for us like it always had :)

Hm...

woh...again...haha, stil, tolong la bertambah baik, but stil, tk tido dalam kelas AE td, alhamdulillah :)

hopefully, semoga berpanjangan la, like i've always had :)

Place to Go

Salam, em…seriously except from my ma, I ges I dunt really have much other place to go, only here, the only place I can scream my heart out, do whatever I want without having the fear of getting hurt. But stil, it sucks to be alone, I think, that deep in my heart, I felt it is better to get hurt rather than confining myself in this lonely little place, waning and sombre. They said ‘experience is the best teacher’ and I guess getting hurt is just another form of experience, a tough teacher indeed la kan? Heh, yeah, I’m back like I always had, stronger, InsyaAllah *smile*

Karnival Pendidikan MARA 2009

Karnival Pendidikan MARA 2009

Aku mgkn dah berumur 22 thun skang, tapi, for some reason aku slalu nak pergi karnival ni. Kenapa? Here goes...


Masa aku habis spm dulu, hidup aku sangat tak menentu, hidup tak tentu arah, boleh la dikira the dark age of my life. Dgn kputusan SPM yg saaaaangaaaat teruk, aku mundar mandir. Aku dah stat risau dah, matrik, diploma, ntah mana hala tuju aku lepas ni, comes to the worst aku ingt nak amik je diploma, tapi ntah camner aku dapat tau pasal carnival ni, so aku pun pergi la. Karnival tu hari Sabtu, dan kputusan matrik kuar hari khamis kot, aku cek kat internet dan tidak mengejutkan la aku tk dapat tmpat kat sana. Aku sangat2 risau, apa aku nk bgtau mak aku ni, mana aku nk smbung blaja? Kerja is definitely not an option, so aku pergi carnival ni, dgn Shauki pun ada time tu. Aku pergi booth UniKL, dan dapat tahu pasal program asasi atau foundation yg diorg buat, dan aku tnya pasal fees, hostel apa semua la, dan aku register utk program tu

Masa tu aku usha semua program utk lepasan spm, paling murah aku jumpa RM8k sumthing utk kos foundation. Aku mmg nk buat matrik atau foundation je, sbb diploma mcm lama je, tp tu la, result pun mcm apa nk minta yg power2, masa ni la semua bnda datang, penyesalan, semua “kalau lah” datang, tp tu bkn apa berbanding apa yg mak aku lalui. Apa yg dia nk beritahu kpada org lain, sedara mara, kawan-kawan sepejabat dia? Anak2 orang lain SPM 8-9A, aku 2 je, semua pergi kolej dn masuk program power2. Aku? mmg ntah ke mana. Aku tak tau la UniKL tu bawah MARA, aku ingat kolej private,dan aku tgk dia nyer bayaran pun sama je mcm kolej2 lain, segulung degree dgn harga RM50-60 ribu gak la, tp nasib baik semua student dia bleh minta bantuan MARA. Dan sbb masa tu tak ramai orang tahu pasal ni, aku fikir ni boleh jadi satu platform yg baik utk aku lanjutkan pelajaran. Sbb tu carnival ni begitu penting bg aku, sbb aku dpat cari ikitbar, dan pengajaran dari perkara yang pernah aku lalui dulu, dan aku harap la aku tk prlu lalui semua tu lagi.


Aku masih ingat, the moment surat tawaran foundation tu sampai, aku gembira tak terhingga, bersyukur bukan kepalang, dan bila mak aku balik petang tu, aku panjangkan surat ni kepadanya. Skurangnya dia tak perlu lagi risau hala tuju anak bongsunya ni, dan aku tahu dia mmg sangat gembira bila dapat surat ni. Aku yakin, semua ni berkat doa mak aku gak. Aku rasa aku jumpa pluang ni sbb mak aku doa siang dan malam utk kejayaan aku, anak bongsu yang slalu je menyusahkan dia. Jadi pada hari ini, aku memijakkan kaki lagi ke tempat ini, tempat yg sekiranya aku tak pergi, mgkn aku akan melalui jalan yg lain dalam hidup ini, sbagai salah satu peringatan betapa susah, lemah, hina dan inferior nya aku pada zaman keremajaan itu. Aku berdoa semoga aku akan sentiasa dipenuhi hidayah, dan semoga Tuhan sentiasa membukakan jalanNya kepada hambaNya yang hina dan kerdil ini.




Orang slalu kata 'Experience is your best teacher' and I couldnt agree more. Aku harap kejayaan akan sentiasa di sisi dan rakan2 yang lain, like we always had :)

Hati itu Apa?

Hati itu Apa?

Hati itu bukan bumi,
Kerana Hati tidak ada indah yang bisa membuat kita selesa,
Dan tenang seperti keindahan alam ciptaanNya,

Hati itu gelap,
Dan sepahit racun,
Bukankah kata orang; ikut rasa Hati, kita mati?

Hati tidak ada satu, atau dua,
Boleh jadi tiga atau tiga perlima,
Kerana Hati mampu mengasihi,
tanpa batasan kapasiti dan kuantiti,

Hati tidak mungkin kosong,
Biar betapa keras kau disokong,
Kerana sepi akan datang berkunjung.

Oh Hati yang taat,
Sejauh manakah ketaatanmu itu?
Kerana hanya menghadap kiblat,
Bukanlah ketaatan yang jitu.

Andai jatuh Hati,
Pasti rasa tidak keruan,
Ketenangan yang dicari jauh skali,
Dada ditikam penuh debaran.

Wahai Hati,
Adakah engkau lurus?
Atau hanyalah kebodohan yang tulus?

Hati yang sunyi,
Ketandusan bunyi,
Mungkinkah itu ketenangan yang dicari?
Atau kekosogan yang hakiki.

Jadi, apakah Hati?


Haha, jiwang gila kot, well at least dats a sign dat i'm also once an adolescent too, with burning passion and huge rush of adrenaline flowing all over me. Well, hopefully some part of dat will stay the way it was like I always had :)

Is it a Good Indicator?

So this guy, Hanafiah hav been tagged by few people for this 26 things thingy.the question is..are these simple questions gud enuf to indicate who he really is? *smile*

1. He likes lame jokes...
2. There're times he took trivial matters...seeeriously
3. He’s self-conscious around pretty woman
4. He don’t have lotsa frens
5. Daydreaming is one of his bad habits
6. He prefers to keep things to himself
7. If you see him outside, he'd probably wanderin' alone.
8. Because he prefers being lone ranger, walking on his own leisure pace, but he still and always enjoys the companion of his friends.
9. He always slept in classes…
10. Thus it takes toll during exams
11. Tho, dat was the last thing he wanted to do and he never wantd to do dat.
12. He came from a single-parent family
13. Thus, he had always believed that the mental and psychology development of child from such family could never be normal like other people
14. He always run, or at least jog…as if running away from the past
15. He’s scared of commitments and responsibilities
16. But he will try to do his best and glad you believe in him with such tasks.
17. The youngest, and mak called him ‘adik’
18. So, being ‘adik’ and such, he cud be very spoilt sumtimes.
19. He’s always late for classes
20. He’s always late in everything, from music, film to comprehending jokes.
21. He loves morning and evening, because of the sunrise and the sunsets.
22. He loves the sea, the moon, starry nights, the clouds and the sun, but don’t really know their actual facts.
23. He loves to write….halfway, haha
24. He hoped Arsenal wud finish in top 4 dis season so dey can secure a place in Champion’s League
25. The reason he prefers to write this from a third perspective is bcos he’s just comfortable doing so.
26. Last, but not least is dat the reason he tagged you on dis stuff is not because he wanted to burden, or cram ur blog page, but he wanted to try to know you, all the facts dat he probably didn’t knoe b4, and if somehow you manage to read it until here and a little smile is carved on your lovely face, he’d feel very honored, well, whatever it is, may success find its way to you, like you always had :-)

The Impact of Islamic Ethics in My Life

Islam is not only a religion, but also a way of life. The teachings of Islam are not only confined to prayers and pilgrimage, but also to all of the aspects of life. Islam means ‘to give up’ and ‘obey’, respectively referring to the God, Allah. All of the things that we had done, the prayer, the instructions, were done voluntarily, straight from our sincere heart, without force from anybody or without any hidden motives.

There are few concepts in Islam that can make a huge impact in one’s life. The human concept, which emphasis on three questions, that is ‘from where we come?’, ‘why we come here?’ and ‘where we’ll we go next?’ The answer to these main questions will be the key factor in determining one’s destiny. In my life, there’re times I often wonder and most of the questions in my mind revolved around these three main questions. As I search for the answer, I realized that instead of focusing on one main important goal, I’ve been distracted in lots of trivial things that I’m unaware of.

It’s an irony when we think that something as old as the religion would still be considered practical practicing in these modern days. Islam is something that’s fixed on its purposes, but flexible on the methods of achieving it. Thus, it’s practical throughout the history.
One of few ethics in Islam is Al-Ummah, which it regulates around the people. Usually, certain religion only limited only to their races, or people who live in the nearby area. But, for Islam, it goes beyond the color of skin, races, and geographical locations. Thus, the Muslim nowadays not only limited to Malaysian, but the Asian, and people across the globe as well. This made me realize every time I looked a the foreign students studying in this campus, that they’re just standing on the equal ground with me, thus demolishing the prejudice instincts I’ve had.

To all my fellow friends, regardless of what your race is, I wish you success in life, like you always had :-)

note: this was intentionally created to help Teng siapkn esaimen agama dia, tho sparuh jalan je, haha.

Amateur's Tourist Guide to Pudu from LRT Pasar Seni Station

Haha, sori la kalau ko tk faham, dan Pis, hope you find it, like you always had :-)