Wake Me Up When Ramadhan Comes Again...Apa? Dah Ramadhan!? Yey!

Assalamualaikum kids, em, how's life? How's fasting? Did i put up the rm1 as the reward for you guys who successfully able to fast per day? did you guys sumhow curi-curi makan along the way to school? Haha. i guess for time being im out of words. I always did, kan? :-)

Yeah, it's Ramadhan again. Life's pretty much back to basics again. Ramadhan, in the recent years had been a nostalgic month, a specific timeline of my life, a special one indeed, even there's much restriction during days, but there's much more we can achieve, as a muslim dat is. And why it had been a nostalgic one, i prefer to keep it to myself.

So, one of the common events dat we have in Ramadhan, apart from the mercun, semayang terawih, and not to mention there's no football in the evening at padang f, there's this one thing dat had become the highlight of Ramadhan and kids, dat is the bazaar in the evening.

Okay, this year, I am not much occupied last few years back, so on the 1s tday of Ramadhan, i managed to snuck out early from training and came to see what's the commotion all about; the ruckus; did the bazaar do live up its name which it deed in terms of price indeed, dan one of the things dat intrigues me is dat why the heck there are so many people open up stalls in taman melawati? you can see people setting up booths, erecting camps on the road curb, and not to mention that despite the traffic congestion caused by their stalls still attracts lots of customers; oh it's sumthing i'd call the wonders of Ramadhan, i guess.

So, you see, on the 1st day I went and 'dive' into the huge tides of people at the bazaar, i called my mom.

"mak, nak apa?"
"beli la seri muka, samosa ke, abang ko nak karipap"
"okay, nanti adik beli"

okay, karipap, seri muka, samosa...gotcha! and i make my way into the crowd. it was hard, as i pave my way from rows to rows, finding the right stall, not to mention i dont know how seri muka looks like, and the process didnt come easy, because there are so much people. and there are times i was stalled in one of the rows for like 3-5 minutes, kalah trafik jam mrr2, haha. Not to mention there are people who stand in the middle of the way, sum trying to go against the flow, sum are sweaty, sum are well...odoury, haha, and there's people begging for money, usually with a kid on her lap, which is sad sight, yet not healthy for the kid itself. I guess, this is part of life...wait, it is part of life!

I realize too, my life right now is pretty much the same with my 1st day in the bazaar ramadhan. Still clueless, still searching, wondering, and grasping for air, light, and direction of the glimpse of the divine, much higher power direction.

I dont know how it will turn up soon, but, I never feel like taking this fight off in the quest of a better life, a better way of dealing with people and my innerself, nevertheless, I do enjoy this never-tiring, never-ending process, may I find solace at the end of this looong, winding yet straight road, and with the huge love that I hardly show to you guys in the depth of my shallow heart, I will always love you, like I always had :-)

There are Different Definitions in Quitting

Salam kids, how's life? Me, well, im kinda sleepy, and the most important thing that i want to jot down today is that I have sent my letter of resignation. Yeah, im quitting from the company. No, it's not that I cant handle the pressure (or maybe i am? haha) but i can see that there is no career development from staying in the company, and I've grown accustomed to the working environment, so i think its best to get myself uncomfortable again, create a sense of urgency is what my fellow insepmates wud've said, haha. I have another interview tomorrow, and frankly speaking, i am not expecting much, only make good with this lil' moments before i enter into the 'battlefield' (kata je medan perang, but its more of a high school's common hall) which is nostalgically cool, and brings back memories of my schooldays, free of worries and how i longed to relive all the precious moments back then,and of course I wudve definitely made few changes that I to I wud. but, regrets is part of life, and sum people bring along the regrets as they move forward, they may be advancing thru, making small, decent paces in life, but their feet remain shackled with the past and guilt, perhaps, i too can be categorized in those few unlucky people. But, no matter how far you go into the future, no matter how far you have progress, it doesnt hurt to just for once in a while, embrace your nostalgic side, and look back at how much you've achieved, how further you've come.

Frankly speaking, this resignation had definitely made me think, about lotsa things, about my ambitions, about the things i wanna do in life, the things i wanna grasp as the carbon dioxide breathes out of my tiny, frangible lung, and I pray that I, you and me, we all, gonna live life to the fullest, and remember too to live in the moment.

I have things to do, now, better things dat is. And, i have come this far in life by the help of soooo many people, and for that, for all those good experiences, thank you very much. Enough lesson on life, let's play kids. If i kicked a ball directly onto your face, strictly remember it was unintentional and accidental, and I will always love you like I always had :-)

If Love is Mathematics, I Pray dat I wont Fail Again

Assalamualaikum kids, how’s life? Haaa…ive been coming home lately, I hope by the time u guys read dis my life wudve been very stable that I can spend most of my time after 5 with you guys at home. I know dat ive been busy lately but as I take my usual drive home in the pitch dark surroundings, only to be enlighten by the dim neon light of my fading car headlamps had definitely made me reflects on lotsa things in life; the past especially, since the forward motion of the car as I step on the worn out accelerators slowly reaching 100km/h on the fastest lane as if I’ve been trying really hard to change, to leave all these unwanted memories, all these unwanted feelings, and my burning desire to change continues to deplete tremendously just like the petrol in the fuel container of the car; needed to be refueled, need to be reminded often, as always. 

Kids, I don’t know why, if you read most of my posts are usually about love, and dis is one of those subjects I often bring up, but as much I know it would bore and without a doubt making you guys realize that Im just a hopeless romantic, but let me say dis; it’s a feeling that cant be helped, not yet, not until the right moment strikes in, kay? You know, back then in school, girls and love are the most alienated topic I cudve discuss with my fellow friends, but as I grow up with the sudden urge of hormones and passion dat kicks in, it seems that the topics on games and entertainment had been superseded and obsolete, to certain extent dat is. Your mum is now my entertainment, and finding and waiting for her to come in my life will be one of the most anticipating, rewarding and meaningful thing i cud expect in my life rite now; but ive gotta admit, as my patience starts to run out, ill keep on reminding myself the time will come; the finishing line will be there, and it’s a matter of time, so what I can do right now I keep my heads up, keep on looking forward to the day I will actually meet her and in the meantime I’ll prepare and try to become a better person, for her, for myself, and for you guys :-)

Kids, ada kalanya Tuhan titipkan rasa kasih dan sayang dalam jiwa hanya untuk menyedari si dia tidak juga berperasaan demikian agar kita tidak lupa dalam keghairahan kita mengejar cinta hambaNya, cinta Dia lah yang harus kita kejar sedaya upaya.

I love you guys, like I always had.

Sesungguhnya Perancangan Allah itulah yang Terbaik Sekali

Assalamualaikum kids, how's life? Mine? Hmmm...it's really freakin' bz, dead beat serius. Lucky i have sum times to spend around, and to breath, grasping for the scarce air, haha, how melodramatic.

So kids, today, i dont wanna talk about my out-of-line-but-I-could-never-be-very-thankful for this job, as much i want to say the job's doesnt suit my line of study which is more towards aviation, my nature of work is now more...well, on the ground. Yeah, im currently working in a construction company, a contractor to be exact. Well, but few things dat made me reflect on the good things on the nature of job is dat ur uncle Sufian, yeah, he's working there too, and he's sitting in front of my desk. I think its kinda cool though that u be able to work with ur close friends, rather than to be sitting in alienated ambiance with unknown aliens, eh, strangers, haha, pun intended, yeah, one of my dry jokes, suck it up kids! :-)

Well, when I think of it back, God definitely had its way of helping us, His beloved servants, without them realizing it or not. Kids, sesungguhnya, perancangan Tuhan it yang terbaik sekali. Heed these words, especially when things didnt turn out the way we planned. If I have time I will gladly tell you why I think so.

Anyway, talking about making plans, I have few great plans in mind, and like I often failed in making it successful, I pray to God that this time I wont fail; wont fail to keep on going; wont fail to pursue my ambition; and wont fail to fall in love, but then again, when things didnt turn your way, my way, our way, remember this kids, remember this Hanafiah; sesungguhnya perancangan Allah itu yang terbaik sekali. And I will definitely try my best to not fail to embrace you guys in my arms, I love you, like I always had.

Random Thoughts at Random Moments

Sori, ayah rasa macam nak tulis lagi, tapi tak tahu nak tulis apa. 










Ayah sayang korang, seperti selalu.  

Sentiasalah Mencari Jalan untuk Memajukan Diri, Keluarga, Agama dan Bangsa

Assalamualaikum kids, how's life? Feeling good lately? Haha, apa lah yang ayah cakap kan ni, it's indeed sumthing dat I always asked ma-self, nevermind, lets get together now. I have few things in ma mind, like I always had, haha.

Kids, i realize that my time, the moments that I take, the efforts that I did to put all my annoying, looooong thoughts into this tiny space blog, is not always consistent. Well, thank God Ive been busy lately, the company had this new project coming in, and ur uncle Sufian is in charge of it. Well, maybe one of these days I bring you guys there, if i had time :-)

You see, in life, you should always define success, and make sure the definition is updated from time to time as you reach every milestone of your success. Like for example, I wanna become an engineer, and until one day, with God's grace you've become one, u have to redefine it like 'I wanna become a project engineer' or et cetera, sumthing like dat. Never get complacent with what u have.

And remember as you pave your way to success, bring, force, take, grab by whatever means to push your beloved family and friends together with you on your way top because kids, the view on the top, is not meant to be watched alone; it's to be shared with your loved ones.

And pray to God, that as you contribute to your family, not only you will contribute to the local society, to every makcik-pakcik in the neighborhood, the nenek-nenek and datuk-datuk dat which you know you can make a difference in their life, maybe not now, maybe after they had gone, but no matter whatever good deeds u did, God knows, and He knows everything and you could say this blog is one of my ways, small method of making an impact, create sense of motivation, to make a difference in your life once Im gone.

Its kinda pathetic to say these, but right now, im still in the process of finding my definition of success. I dont know what it is yet, but I hope i will find one. I love you kids, I will always do. Like I've always had. :-)

Boleh

Aku yakin aku boleh (merealisasikan setiap impian) insyaAllah, dan ... terima kasih banyak.

Pride Comes Before a Fall, not Autumn or Summer :-)

Assalamualaikum w.bt. kids? How’s life? Well, like I always said, its really nice seeing u guys again, yeah, like I always said too, Im just busy, and as much as I enjoy writing, and again, hitting the board as I search my mind for any glimpse of remorse and guilt, or perhaps if im lucky enuff there’s joy to share but surely most of the time is pain, suffer, and killing (ganas eh?), there are just not enuf time, oh im just too damn lazy to hit it, ahha, please don’t be lazy okay, I dunt want u to inherit any of my negative traits.

There are times I think too much about the future, but, when it comes to ur future, I don’t think there’s no question as too much. I am the kind of guy who’d like to plan ahead, making plans with whom im gonna get married, where im gonna live, how much salary can I bring back home every month, planning to further my education, or where im gonna work at, but  I often ask myself; where the heck im gonna be in the next 5-10 years from now. Am I still gonna become an engineer, or God had a better plans for me? Will I get my master’s degree? Or just continue the way I am..will I gain more experience or lie, being permanent member of the NEET? And as much im thinking too much, the future is indeed coming near, those five, 10 years feels like around the corner, and suddenly I never made any decisions at all, thus, the only thing I cud see, that I cud differentiate is my performance, my skills, my knowledge, how I bring myself in society and compare them with my fellow friends. And believe me, as u grow up, u developed this few people around u that u wish u cud be friends, but somehow u ended up challenging them, and their presence is a gud form of stress, a positivity in negativity, a kind of force that encourages and motivates you to go on, and not giving up, but somehow u cant be friends with them and ask them to join for lepak or going to the surau together, or borrow money or seek his attention whenever problem arises becos u  have pride and asking them will only not lower ur self esteem but shattering ur pride as well; only if u have this feelings whenever u meet that person, guys, its time u work ur ass out because, ur rival, ur challenger had just arrived :-)

But ironically, there’s a saying my teacher had once said which is ‘pride comes before a fall’ which si true to certain extent, or maybe on certain type of pride. Haha, whu wudve tot that pride also had its own specifications and classifications. This was one of the sayings that I often think about, the contradiction to the infamous stereotypical perspective the society had always instilled in me made me think that life, like I had always said, apart from the religious aspects, the degree of correction is different between people and it vary according to the situation, thus its crucial for us to be balanced, and flexible as we proceed with our drastic life :-)

The Few Things I Saidzzz :-)

Assalamualaikum kids, hows life? Fine? Well, I hope u will always in the pink of health. Me? I was never quite the healthy kid I wished I was, there are always few days in those everlasting month that I had to go to the overly crowded, overly stuffed patients, overly duty and over-extending employees, over-stressed doctors, overly outdated general hospital kuala lumpur

Kids, I wonder why in this night, I make my way thru the overly crowded, overly stuffed, overly congested room just to type the few things I wish to ramble, and thus hoping by doing so, my mind would get back, standing of its two hypothetical, unseen, energized feet yet as much as I want to achieve the hard-to-achievable things by doing unexpectedly normal thing without putting any extra effort that cud spark sum overly (okay, dis is the last ‘overly’ I promised!) motivation, not surprisingly if I said that this time, just like the nature had overtaken me in long lecture class, the nature had almost had an astonishing win on me, on my dizzying eyes to be exact.

I cant keep up with dizz unwanted feelizzzng but I wiz try hardezzzz, I will noz sleeeeppppzzzzz….z i wizzz alwayzzz zove zou zikze awayzzz hazzz…krrohhh….. (I will always love you like I always had)   

Backstreets Back, Alright!!!

Assalamualaikum kids? How’s life? I am not doing so well now, yeah, I felt really down recently, I don’t even know why, maybe it’s the unemployment I guess. U know, its really important to maintain the mood, its really good for ur soul, u guys shud always watch out whenever u felt stress, or overwhelmed about anything that matters, no matter how trivial the matter is, it aint sum small matter if it bothers u too much, haha.

I don’t know why recently I kept listening to evergreen love songs, the boyband songs, (yeah, ur dad listens to boyband, at this time phrase of life im not sure what ur mum really like tho, but im sure whatever her taste of music is, id be very delighted to criticize and be part of it too :-) ).

Hmm, u know why its important to keep ur mood constant all the time, I mean not alwaya being static, but rather being more consistent in how u portray ur feelings, ur body language and ur facial expression speaks the most than ur verbal communication no matter how good u are in ur mothertonge language or any other lingua franca.  U kept saying ‘its okay’, ‘im fine’, ‘daijoubu’ (‘im fine’ in Japanese) or other hypocritically forgiven phrases that u said to pass by, to go thru dat unwanted situation. People knows, they are not stupid, we are not stupid too, and the first act of intelligence whenever u’re having this kind of situation, whenever u feel the world is putting the burden on ur tiny scapula, shoulder bones, and suddenly ur joints starts to wear out, and age, or any other unexpected, predictable, unknown factors that comes into play, remember first to savour the pain, yeah savour it! Admit that ure having this pain, and feel every burden, every force that is now distributed accordingly and further enhanced by the gravitational force on every inch of your frangible bones, and let every ounce of ur energy is channeled for the right purpose; which is to sustain this soon to be unbearable weight if u keep holding on to it.

Lets back to physics, okay guys? If u were to be  burdened with heavy weight and ad to carry it on both of your shoulders, what would you do? What would you do when the burden had eaten up every ounce of energy you had? Well, after you realize this, it’s time to find methods to resolve it. Well, this hypothetical burden could be vanish in lots of…well, hypothetical solutions. U just have to be creative and maybe if u can, put aside ur egos or ur pride that blocks u from proceeding.  In order to solve it, we could share the burden together with our beloved, our family and friends too, they are part of your crew, so don’t hesitate to ask. All you need to do is open your mouth and speak up, u’ll be amazed at how willing they can be. 

I will always love you like I always had :-)

Hmm, A Dead End Perhaps? NOT!

Assalamualaikum Hanafiah….hmm..i know things don’t seem to be working out, and the following week seems to be hectic for most of us, and not to mention that I am crawling in the darkness of night, and as much I wanted to have the eyes of a nocturnal animal wud have, not to mention that my eyesight is deteriorating rapidly throughout these years, I am now trying to find a way, looking for every, small fracture of light glimpse in this emblazoning darkness, haha, okay it may seem exaggerating, but u surely cant help it when most of your friends are moving forward, making achievements, and while I am still crawling, sum of my friends had already started running. Next week, I got an interview for this company, well, for a position I don’t really quite wanted, but the people around me, are pressing me to, and it made me reconsider; what do I have to lose? I’ll gain experience, and if im succeed I will gather all myself together and started working on my hidden, selfish yet self-satisfying agenda. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

There are often things that made me wonder sumtimes; why do I write my own blog? Why do I make effort to jot all these unwanted ideas and who will read it? Only girls write blog about their personal life; and I am here doing this feminist, un-masculine thingy, well…I got admit tho, but for some reasons, apart from all the things Ive mentioned earlier, I just feel like the need to open up to sumbody, or nobody, or just find a medium to write, to remind not anyone else but myself in the future the thoughts, valuable experiences that I ought to forget at times.

And, writing is just the best way of expressing my …. Just a sign that im currently weak right now, and mystically, again, for sum unknown reasons,  I tend to get the ball rolling back whenever I jot things down here. I believe good things will come. I just need to be a little bit more patient and pray for the good things to come. I…I believe I can be a very successful person and I believe I can, you guys can, all my friends can help people, and contribute to society in future, insyaAllah, like Ive always had wished.