Berapa Kali Nak Ulang Ni? :-)

Assalamualaikum kids? How’s life? Hmm… Im not feeling good lately. You know, in two weeks time, I will finish my short industrial skill enhancement program. And after that, I will go for sum attachment in sum company that I cant confirm yet. It’s kinda saddening thinking that ive been rejected for more than ten times already, even more excruciating whenever I thought I had undergo the interview session properly the result didn’t turn out the exactly I wanted.

I’m writing here, im jotting every pain, and the sad moments im going thru here not for the sake of other people’s enjoyment, but like many times I’d say, and many times to come, I do this so that first; whenever I managed to came thru this unwanted, challengeable obstacle, I will read this back and realize how grateful, and blessed I shud be, second; to give you guys the education, so that perhaps my experience will be a great teacher in determining your life path if im no longer around, third; because one day, you guys will read this, and if somehow our relationship turns into one hella of bad apple, if we could never longer stay close to each other, you will know how much I love you guys. Today, I’ve found something I wanna hold dearly, and I…will not give up (in lotsa things), I wish. Ayah sayang korang, like I’ve always had

Boyfriend/Girlfriend Comes, BF/GF Goes, but Best Friend Stays Forever

Assalamualaikum Hanafiah, how's life? Its hard eh to keep it cool, kan? its much harder to practice what you preach to people, ya la, we dont want people to label us as a hypocrite at the end of the day, kan? Well, whatever negative perspective people had on you, or you had onto people, lets just hope all these will be settled; my best advice: focus on your priorities first, and Im sure you'll achieve the other things as the process go on. Like people often said 'kadang-kala, benda yang paling kita inginkan, itulah yang kita tidak akan dapat' well, i hope the best for you my friend, insyaAllah

Assalamualaikum kids? How's life? haha, well. its not much of a good news pun, i am still unemployed, and i havent found your mom yet, maybe ive met her, but who knows cause the future is unpredictable, and unexpected.

This year was the hardest, harshest year ive ever had, lots of things, good, but mostly bad events took place, and looking back at all these dramas i went thru, haha, i guess its a no wonder i have things for dramas, regardless its family or frenship, let alone the drama im facing myself, the contradiction in my beliefs and principles, thus making me realize that practice what you preach requires huge self commitment and thunderous effort.

Recently, well, not recently, becos i posted this thing late, on 2 October this year, I had the chance, had an invitation to a dinner, it wasnt UniKL's or MIAT's but by my friend's, aunty wanie's faculty. Shortly speaking, and as much I wanted to comment any further, i prefer not to, lets just say that i've undergo one of the most educated experiences I ever had, and I thanked God for having me to go through such difficult, enjoying situation with the accompany of great friends, I cant be more thankful than this. God, I thanked You, for everything Ive gone through, and I realize all the things happened is solely on my fault,and only to myself i could put all the blame onto, and thank God for being able to meet such wonderful friends, i cant ask more; only that even there's this saying that "boyfriend/girlfriend comes and go, best friends stay forever" i wish not to lose any more of my best friends.

Thanks, thanks, thanks,even you may be gone but i will keep on supporting you, and pray for your well being, friend, like I always had  

Let's Go

Assalamualaikum kids, how's life? Yeah, it's ur pa again, haha. Sweet, tonite, recently, im planing to do something, i believe it's time for me to try and get out of this complacence and try achieving a much greater, achieveable short-term wins, which eventually will help me to achieve the things that i desire the most.

So, undeniably, i aint superman, and there are times, even without proper explaination, or maybe just my guess that the level of testosterone in my body starts to deteriorate, or whatever the reason is that made me sometimes hopelessly helpless, i believe that one's desire to continue loving is quite a great force to be reckoned with, and solely base on this unreasonably purpose i will make changes in life, changes that are needed, that i cant deny its level of importance that will make huge impact on my short, fragile life.

And at some point in life, i have the feelings to empower others, to make others feel motivated, to make them feel good about themselves, to let them see their own positivity, the way I've always seen on them. And, hopefully with God's grace, having such unique, endearing personality will help me attain some of those very valuable, priceless quality.

I love you guys. Aku seriusly sayang korang. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Lets go further. We...we can do this. Our underlying potential is not about to stop here; greater achievements are waiting. Let's go. Don't ever give up, keep on fighting like you always had.

The Tsunami, Konami and Namida

Assalamualaikum kids, how’s life? Its been quite sumtime since I last post sumthing here, yeah, im kinda busy…I guess, maybe all the things I wanna jot down had gone away just like the water under the bridge, I know it may not be the correct idiom but for now, it seems to be the best choice of words I cud think of.

Dewasa ini, friends, family often asked me about one thing; when Im gonna get married? When Im gonna be able to see u guys? I'd say "jodoh tu macam rezeki, apa yang boleh kita lakukan hanyalah berusaha, dan berdoa, dan kalau Allah nak beri rezeki ni kadang kala tanpa disangka-sangka dan di luar kemampuan pemahaman akal kita, jadi tunggu je la, haha". Haha, okay, the second part is exaggerating and may seem to be a little bit too distant into the future, but deep down that’s one of the questions I often find myself asking, maybe even further. Never mind, lets not rush the future, and let these good times roooolll, sloooowly, haha.

Recently, one of my idolized country, Japan had faced an earthquake of 8.9 magnitude and the earthquake caused about 10 metres tall of tsunami wave which caused a major hit especially in Miyagi Prefecture. FYI, ‘tsunami’ is ‘big wave’ in Japanese while ‘konami’ stands for  ‘small wave’, while the word ‘namida’ stands for ‘tears’ that one often shed whenever they felt sad. One of the amazing things about this country, is that their citizens are very educated, civilized and have high civic awareness, and few other things that made them standout from other high-paced, technology-advancing countries. Even in the nations where modernization and technology had grown tremendously, they never neglect their traditions and they place the bonding and relationship between people high above other things, sumthing that is rarely found especially in most country.

So, even the 'tsunami's already gone, but i believe that it had created a 'konami' in the heart of the Japanese, a small wave of awareness, a wave of respecting, tolerance, and being gentle and nice (yasashi) towards each other which will make them much stronger and  will rise again to be one of the worlds great force to reckon with; a great 'tsunami' and the great samurai will stand back on his feet again. And, not only I would like to pray and convey my condolences to the country of the rising sun, but I’d also to wish takziah to my friend, ur uncle Ayen or Wan Azrin Wan Azhar for his loss. His younger brother passed away recently. Al Fatihah.

This week’s kinda busy tho, but sumhow I managed to squeeze a lil bit of my time to write, well, its for educational purposes lagipun, takpa, it’ll sumhow improve my writing, I hope.

One of these days I got this one feedback, one statement that frequent to my ears, which is saying im a ‘skema’ or geek, haha. Yeah, ur father’s a geek, so suck it up and how I was able to meet ur mum was definitely a wonder that nor I nor the greatest mind on earth can figure out; there’s no logic in how God do His work, and we, the humble servant could only stare, feeling amazed and blessed to be taken into consideration into one of uncountable God’s greatest plans. And you my beloved kids, the greatest gift I yet to receive.

I have lots of things to say actually, and I always wanted to give people a piece of my mind, but often I held it back, because u have to commit to what you have spoken, practice what you preach and walk the talk. But often I found myself preaching the same things, its probably because I wasn’t actually reminding my listeners rather im reminding myself to step up and live up to the things I have said.

Well, I think its best if I take my leave now. Things are going pretty well lately, Alhamdulillah, jangan berputus asa dengan rahmat Tuhan; and remember dat ‘kalau kau lari, aku lari jua’. Sesungguhnya sesudah kesukaran ada kesenangan, dan kesudahan yang baik adalah bagi orang-orang yang beriman, Wallahualam. I love you guys, pray for my success in the future, and I will always love you, like I always had.

Blunt Like James Blunt, Wait....Yeah, Sure

Assalamulaikum kids? How's life? Wll, today is the day that I have nothing to talk about, nothing important whatsoever, nevertheless Ill try to say some things, good things to you guys, well...what? Why bother u asked? I just feel like stroking each letter on this antique, vintage laptop, and now, please, let the keyboard do the talking :-)

Today is kinda gloomy cause its raining meow and woofy outside, ever since morning, and im stuck here in the room, only accompanied by the loud songs of Sam Tsui's cover of 'Just A Dream'. Well, you could try to google it if you have time.

I am actually so blunt today, i cant even express my feelings the way I used to, most of the time I just felt like keeping quiet, and listen to the heavy noise of the rain striking down the rusty roof, and watching every single bit of the water pouring from the drain. Life seems to be slow now, and deep down I appreciate for having the chance to laid back. The darkness of human mind, seems to be inactive now and all the words seem to be improperly placed. Well, its not a bright side, but I still wish to convey it to you guys.

To anyone that came (and I pray you'll stay) thank you, thanks a bunch for entering my life, I...I cant thank enough. I will always love you guys, and you kids too definitely, like I always had.

It Must've Been Love...But It's Over Now

Assalamualaikum w.b.t. kids. Well. Im speechless tonight. I don’t even know why, but there are time, wait..lotsa times I just wanna sit quietly and observe. But I realize, to become a great father, uve gotta speak up, be frank, and love unconditionally. There are lotsa rules, but, the rules also apply differently to different children, but love is not a game, it has consequences, and the outcome of every actions you put onto you guys will definitely gonna affect your future, and your most valuable asset is not sumthing worth jeopardizing.

♫♪ It must've been love....but its over now, It must've been good...but I lost it somehow..♪♫

So, by the moment Im writing this I was listening to this song, by an artist called Roxette and the song’s name is ‘It Must’ve Been Love’ so, well, im the kind of person that not only listen to the rhythm but also the lyrics, and like a fragile, wondering mind ive always been, this song got me thinking more..and more, about love. I know, all my posts had always been about love, its love this, or love that, yeah we all got the point that love is very important, and when you sincerely love someone, from the depths of your heart, it’ll show, without any act, and you don’t need fancy gifts or beautiful roses as a sign of your deep love.  

Unlike sum of my friends, I never had the chance to witness a simple affection between ur parents like ur aunty suhaila had. Its simple, but…you know there’s sumthing there, its not plastic, fake and not superficial. There’s an unknown, unseen bond, a mysterious force that binds all these things together, and sumhow everything miraculously falls appropriately into its place, where everything belongs casually, like fate; and there is no reasonable, logical explanation to all these things.

Before I end my writing I wanna say thanks for all the wishes.

Em, to my beloved friends kalau aku ada salah dan silap, maafkanlah kerana sesungguhnya yang buruk itu datang dari kelemahan aku sendiri, dan yang baik itu datangnya dari Allah s.w.t., dan kalau ada futsal, kenduri kawen ke, tahlil ke, ajak la, aku akan cuba datang, kerana kalau korang lari, aku akan lari jua, insyaAllah :-)

Sesunguhnya sesudah kesukaran ada kesenangan

I also wud like to thank ur uncle kaia, uncle apis, uncle pian, uncle adam, uncle zhafril, uncle ali for the advise and guidance, for looking out after me, thanks a lot.

It may seem cold but I can feel the warmth of your heart, thank you friends, I love you guys ,and you guys too, like I always had :-)

Rezeki Datang Sekali Sekala, Syukur Kena Selalu

Assalamualaikum Hanafiah? How’s life? Haha, cool eh, you’re getting older, wiser, and you’ve began to embrace and appreciate life from lotsa aspects. Yeah, it’s important too that as we get older that we should not forget to cherish the child in ourselves. Still unemployed eh? Nevermind, good things will come, good things will come, insyaAllah.

Hmm, I think its been quite sumtime that ive always told about the miseries that ive been thru, well I guess its time to turn over a new leaf and let bygones be bygones. Plus I aint sum emo kid, so enuf with those heart throbbing, mind blowing posts (haha, perasan sejenak). Neway kids, Im 24 now, its so freaking cool cos…well, I just think its great for a person to grow old and die, mengucapkan 2 kalimah syahadah in the arms of their beloved, and letting their offspring, their kids to do the last task, the last order a parent would’ve wanted from their beloved children, which is to bathe them properly, respectfully, and most important to be really careful as their parents, like their hearts too, even can be seen from the naked eye, the most fragile thing, thus handle it with care as they the most valuable thing in the world. 

Frankly speaking, I was never a good child. There are times I let my emotions to sway my sanity, and let anger take control, often I let ur grandma down, often I took ur grandpa for granted, no matter how many negativity I had done, or how many mistakes, I just pray that I will never do hat again, and if I will, I pray to be given the chance to beg for forgiveness. I realize, there are lots of things I need to improve, but starting aint easy, but I would like to give it my best shot.

I’ve few things that im planning, and suddenly I felt there’re just too many routes for me to run, the ocean is so big and the wind is blowing in so many directions, the sky is so vast that I can fly towards any direction too; and I hope no matter which path I take, wherever my leg is taking me, or which direction im going, I pray that I’ll end up in some good, blessed place surrounded with great people, great friends, and respectable rivals.

Im glad I took this training, I learned lotsa new things, I learn to troubleshoot and create few things, I began to appreciate knowledge more, and im surrounded by people who are thirst for knowledge, surrounded by people with the same great desire as mine; which is to improve themselves and find a stepping stone into the career they wanted. It’s not easy, we may not be lucky enuf to be employed, but to be united in such fateful event, I cant be more thankful :-)

Rezeki datang sekali sekala, tapi syukur kena selalu. 

Hanafiah, selamat harijadi, semoga panjang umur dan murah rezeki selalu. It’s time we buckle up, shift the gear, speed up, run like the wind, and face new challenges in life! Kalau kau lari, aku lari jua. I love you like I always had.

I Will Always Love You

Assalamualaikum w.b.t Hanafiah? How's life again? haha, it seems ur frens are getting bz, and yeah its undeniably u wud feel lonely at times as they make their preparations as they proceed with their life, its perplexing, ironic that u wished u cud be part of it, help them making plans, yet wanting to make ur own plans and at the same time wishing all these good times we're having will never end; but that's how life work, God had set it to run on its own mechanism, and no one will ever be able to break the system He had created; thus be thankful, and be prepared to face the never forgetful death. 

2010 was the most dramatic year I've ever had in my life. I lost love, found it, and lost it again, I finally met my first crush after 9 years but the feelings are no longer there, I went to practical, getting the first perspective on how working situation would feels like, I made friends, lotsa friends, I finally able to meet the girl whom I had laid out my life plan with her on a dinner only to find her now dating my classmate, I built lotsa hope and plans and see em getting crushed; oh, did I mention I graduated? Yeah, it was awesome, to certain extent that is, I played football, i do lotsa things to cope up with stress, and make myself busy with trivial things like there was this one week I played futsal from monday until friday, and football on the saturday, there's also this one time I played futsal at 12.am. and followed by a 10km run the following morning and finished with football in the evening.And I cud never find any significant reasons why i did all these, but I just know that it's a challenge, it's sumthing I must overcome, sumthing that I must do to improve. 

As you progress in life, there are lotsa people who will throw things to you, and you will make friends with em, and the experiences you had with em will help you differentiate the good qualities they had. 2010 is the year where I was desperate for love, money, knowledge, desperate to improve myself. I know, since when did improving myself start to be a reaallly bothering aspect in my life. Well, everyone has their moment to do this 360..wait, maybe 180 degrees turnaround? and mine started like after SPM, but nowadays the it gets more and more desperate, but I dont know at what part, or how can i measure the level of improvement for me to be fully satisfied?

Hmm....life is all about balance, and...in my situation, I need to be more balanced. You see, people who are not satisfied with what they have is the kind of people that is not being thankful for what they have in life, and God despises those people. Kids, never, ever fall into that category, becos such people they dont know to count their blessings and never be thankful in life. But at the same time, we should never just rest, and take things slowly, spacing out, chilling when we should strive. Thus this is where the difference between great men and ordinary people. Strive as hard as you can, do the best in all the things you could put ur effort on, whether sports, studying, wooing girls, or praying; perform as best as you could, and never forget to do it sincerely, from the bottom of your heart. And pray your passion will last, and the result, the outcome of your every ounce of energy you worked out will not led to wastage, and left in vain. 

 I love you guys, and the beginning of this new year marks another one step closer for us to meet. Right now, i just wanna express my love, tho I just cant seem to find the right person yet, so I dont think its pointless, or stupid to convey it to you guys, my beloved offsprings. I pray for us to become great person, and contribute something, maybe if we cant contribute anything to humanity and mankind, its sufficient enough we contribute it to our beloved family and friends, and able to perform our task and khalifas as our fragile life still breathes. I love you like I always had.

Sesungguhnya kesudahan yang baik adalah bagi orang-orang yang beriman :-)

As a Cow, Today is the Day I Die with Glory! Salam Aidil Adha

Salam Hari Raya Aidil Adha…wow…its ironic that despite this festive day that most of us look forward to; not just becos we wanted to have a day off, but also to be in the arms of great companions and enjoy delicious, great food, my mood is nowhere to be seen, im lost but im not out of words and the sentence slowly accumulated as I stroke every piece of the letters on this keyboard, thus what im jotting down is spontaneous, impromptu, it came out at the spur of moment of my mind that ironically again seems to be wandering somewhere else. Well, as long as u can produce a result, who gives an elf about the process and methodology, we’re not writing a final year project thesis here, its just sum blog on the net that was at first dedicated for an anonymous person like I am to ramble anything that was bothering my mind, but somehow it evolved as something more; rather than just a blog, it became a a small corner in this vast cyberspace that perhaps even it is too small to be noticed by others, but its sufficient enough for me, sufficient enough to contain all the feelings I wished I had conveyed, it’s also an estranged, mysterious entity that will hear all the things I wish I could preach or conveyed easily but due to lots of circumstances or maybe perhaps its just that my mind tot too much, well, I always think too much, like I always had.

Ps: did I just write the entire paragraph using only 2 sentences? Haha, I did babble a lot, well, suck it up guys, im your pa after all :-)

Assalamualaikum kids, how’s life? Today’s actually Hari Raya Aidil Adha, yup, korban! Sweeet eh? Not only you get a day off but u get to eat your delicious mummy’s cooking and the daging korban too. Wait, what did your mother cook? Hope she didn’t get u guys sum unhealthy fast food eh? Haha.

There are lotsa morals u can cook up from hari raya aidil adha, not only just cow body parts excluding the horn and testicles, haha. Like its name implies, hari raya korban…is about sacrifice, and the intention of doing so is indeed sacred. The cows that were slaughtered will not go to waste but to be given to the poor and the unfortunates. 

The important spirit of sacrifice if to be viewed from a perspective in life; for me could be described in lots of ways. Sacrificing lots of things for lots of things. I cant really elaborate much except that when the time comes, u guys will know when to initiate it and when you do so, u will do it without regrets. And I pray that you will take each path in life without any sense of regrets, like I always had wished :-)

Choosing Songs, Choosing Love, Choosing Death..Well, U Cant Choose the Last Two

Assalamualaikum kids? How’s life? Well, I don’t really feel like talking about myself today, well yeah u can guess, I just don’t have the mood but my urge to write, the sensation whenever I stroke each sentence on the keyboard just one of the feelings I’d like to feel whenever Im down, aside from feeling the breeze onto my face whenever I went for a jog, but just like the a robot with the greatest efficiency, my time is now, only it is much more frequent.

Recently, one of my friends, no, wait…lots of my friends came knocking some serious, heart throbbing senses that well occurred due to unexpected situation that I instigated, the certain atmosphere I created in order to calm myself, to discuss the outcome of certain problems that we had, but like most radio channels that we often switch whenever we wanted to listen to a song, but somehow the only thing that they often played was the unwanted, annoying, effing songs, well, the analogy of searching, the great quest for everlasting love could much more be described that way.

Well, how could we euphemize such tragic, eventful situations that rarely occur in our life with the most common thing that we often do? Well, here goes. Just imagine, the one you would like to have, ur mr or mrs right is somewhere out there, just like a song you always longing to hear, to feel every part of its beat, every rhythm, making efforts to memorize every bits of its lyrics, the joy of hearing is so sensational as the passion making its way into ur core, pure heart. 

Thus, u want to hear those kinda songs, but as you progress from a channel to another, your efforts seem to be fruitless, but not meaningless, becos you may get to hear other songs too, but its just not THAT song. So, you continue searching, and often you find hearing about advertisements, or hearing the deejay craping, or crack a stupid joke, or well if you selected certain frequency you’ll be delighted with motivations and tazkirah,  you kept on searching, and continue hoping you’ll find it, but the reason you cant find it is not because you’re not making enough effort, it’s just you changed the channel at the wrong time, sometimes you kept on selecting for ten, dozen channels, but none of them are to ur liking, and in the end you just had to be satisfied with the song that was in the air at that moment. U may not get the best song for you, but it was the best for you at that moment, and God had chosen that song for you to hear, and like the wise had always said, the deejay know the listeners better :-)

There are so many things in life that I wish I could convey, to make a simile, a comparison between an event with the daily things using one of the uncountable God’s greatest creations that is the mind, the human brain, the medulla oblongata (of course im just stating things here) or whatever force that enabled us to be incredibly, magnificently sane, so damn good and mysteriously, enchantingly enticing that it attracts others into conducting one’s actions, but as much as I want to convey my weird, unique ideas to the whole world, and creating lots of other similes, I realized that you were wrong when you start to compare God’s miraculous, wondrous creation with His servant’s tiny puny little ‘toys’ which indeed requires huge amount of force, a numerous work, lotsa force calculations, insane understanding of computer programming and the big, cold bucks in order to achieve what He had achieve thus making us  realize that the greatness, the superiority of Allah, the creator of all.

And kids, by the time Im no longer around, please beg for His mercy to spare me from all the unwanted accumulated sins and wrath of hellfire. From Him I had come, and to Him I shall return. I love you guys, no matter how weird a father I had become during my lifetime, and will always do so, like ive always had.  

Back to the Basic of All Basic

Assalamualaikum Hanafiah? How’s life? I hope ure in the pink of health, like we always had wanted, and yeah, when health no longer shines its ray upon our frangible body, and as our physicals were in the twilight years, the remnants of every breath is as crepuscular as the diminishing sunlight in the western hemisphere; the undeniable truth that we no longer strong, not capable like we used to be struck our about-to-be bald head and even we’re starting to feel all this wonderful and thankful feeling of able growing old but still we cant deny about the stereotypical worries in our golden age and it somehow bothers me, well…lets worry about it later, when we're really old. Like my friend had once advised us “keep ur priorities straight”. We have other issues to resolve today, now. Like what uve always told me, don’t put off things u can do today for tomorrow, dan like u’ve always accompany every advice u gave with this statement; sesungguhnya itu adalah nasihat utk kita berdua :-) 

Assalamualaikum kids? How’s life? Frisking cool? Not? Well, I hope ure guys are fine, becos ive been down that road, it wasn’t suck, its just that it wasnt a pretty sight...well I just realize I love to have friends around. And if I was, I wasn’t spending much time writing here, haha, well, as I grow up, thanks to ur uncle Sufian, uncle Hafiz, uncle Zhafril, uncle Adam and lots more people that im unable to state here, I had started to come out of the cocoon and became more outgoing, more social, more adaptive and open to the fact that just bcos u make friends with women, its not a bad thing, just know ur limit, and if u don’t, its time to back to the basic, the very basic guidance that I used too, the basic that most of people in my era forgot to follow including me in the first place, the simplest guideline, yet the hardest to follow due to well, the reason may seems to be unbeknownst to some of us, but the truth is probably we just didn’t see it; becos we see what we wanted, and as soon as we realized it, its already too late and that basic guidance my beloved is the Holy Quran. Whenever ure stuck in life, feeling down, or lost your way as you sail thru the tides of big, monstrous tsunami, entangled complicatedly between doing wrong and right things, fear not my beloved kids for this holy book is the guideline to u guys to be back on your smelly, cute yet flimsy feet and pray to the Almighty as you put in humongous amount of sweaty effort to get yourself together and may He granted what you had always pray for, like He always had.